" One two three, One two three, Step, shuffle, slide, Dance in the Dark with me!"

So it has been awhile.  My husband got bronchitis which developed into pneumonia, I got a severe cold and then the baby got the same.  Life decided to show me how I was not in control…at all.  Which is funny because at the time, it seemed like I was surfing the big wave of life, doing aerials, body curves, and not crashing; I was euphoric and mesmerized at my abilities to do things I had no idea I could do.  The water went still, there were no waves to ride.  I had to wait. I was not happy, I was frustrated and struggling with the new tempo of my life.

Now I have never claimed to be a patient person but as I have grown older I realize I am more patient than I seem.  However, I think the Gods were getting a big whooping laugh that made them roll on the floor to see me chomping at the bit for several weeks realizing physically I could not do what my mind “instructed me to do”.  

Sitting still, and not doing much of anything other than staring at pictures on a Television screen is almost meditative and very trance like.  It can bring to the surface all those things you were “on purpose” or “not on purpose” staying so busy for so that you did not have to deal with them.  I run and swim so fast in the stream of life that I can mark it in the following way.  Mamaw died when I was 30, two years later I finally admitted it, 3 years later I cried a lot, 8 years later I got peace with it.  WHY?  Because I made sure I stayed busy so as to “Not think, and Not feel, and Not have to deal with the truth of the matter.”  

However, my life does not work this way anymore I have no idea if it is the “instant manifesto Highpriestess thing” or if I have really just grown that much.  So out comes the issues I have not had time to deal with, and they were less than a year old…still hurting and I had to deal with them.  I am not saying I dealt with them the best way possible, like all of you I am still learning.  I am not perfect, nor do I know more than everyone, but I do listen, and work through things.  BTW in case you did not know, I am harder on me than anyone can ever be I do not give myself time to mourn, or feel sorry for myself, or to cry, or to even feel “loss or sorrow”.  I was not taught these things as a child, so as an adult I just kept on rolling….NOT.

This weekend I let “out” the feelings of loss and sorrow and betrayal and hurt I had felt several months earlier.  I let out the feelings of anger, and frustration.  I humbled myself and received back every inch of love and caring I had given to a person who “would not pee on me if I was on fire”; and I bounced back (btw they did not give it to me many others did).  I cried for about twenty four hours!  Yep, I cried  (something I never let myself do in public or private) and it felt good it was the damn being released; it was the balm of my soul; it was the arms of river goddesses telling me to let it go and flow and as it did I would realize it was just to feel this way and at the same time it was just an emotion.  “Emotions are meant to be acknowledged, and to be expressed if you do not do either then they will come out in very strange ways.” That is what I heard, and what I saw, and what makes me smile.  

Big whoop I feel!  Big whoop I am not perfect!  Big whoop life is not always flowing and tossing and turning! Thank goodness it got still and placid for me to see the truth of what was going on inside and outside of me!  I had to strain out my well and get rid of the debris and yuckiness hanging about…I needed to be silly, and just let it all hang out.  I think I am getting amused at all the Dark Goddess offerings I am making lately; but I really am enjoying the wisdom and insight she is showing me…I know later on down the road these lessons will be pivotal.

“Thank you Dark Mother, for pointing out to me gently that I am too hard on me; that I need to take the time to feel and mourn and express my emotions and that does not make me a “drama queen” but absolutely perfectly your co-creation.  Thank you Dark Father for showing me that sometimes you have to sit still and do what ‘appears to be nothing’ so that ‘something powerful and beautiful’ can occur on the surface.”

How do you cope with being sick?  How do you cope with having to take care of so many others that are sick in your household?  How do you flow with the slow periods in your life when it feels you are dragging a tugboat of people and things and projects behind you?   Do you stay so busy all the time that you have trouble reacting to loss, sorrow, and feelings or emotions? When you sit still, and there is no sound, no pictures, only you breathing are you scared and try to direct your thoughts to what you “have to do” or are you open and do you listen to see what you “need to hear” not “what needs to be done by X day”?  These are the words of the Dark Moon, this is one of the mysteries revealed here.

OFFERING TO THE DARK MOTHER OR DARK GOD:

1.  Find out when the dark moon cycle is. It is always BEFORE the new moon and is last period of your moon cycle. Research! Magick works with cycles not against them this is why you learn them and they are pivotal!

2.  Pick a deity to work with that is associated with a Dark moon or is a Crone or Sage deity (I am using THOTH this year, you do realize there are Gods associated with the Dark moon right? ) Research...you can use Persephone as a Dark Maiden one month and Sekhmet another month, and Khonsu another month...but make sure their personalities and attributes resonate with that moon.  Magick is a type of mathematics, the more you have in each column the more it adds up and the more likely you will get great results!

3. Use purple, grey, or black candles (Please take the time to look up what each color means, or think…what do these colors mean to me? For me Purple is dealing with deep psychic issues, grey with my shadow self, and black is for banishing) Research!  Colors have been proven even in psychology to affect your moods this is deep magick when you light those candles you are telling your psyche what it is working on!

4.  Use the appropriate incenses and herbs for your ritual (Hint: Black pepper, Sage, Damiana, possible Pine all will be welcome here).  RESEARCH!  Remember the more additions and bells and whistles you click off the more likely your magick spell will work as intended if you honor the Deity by doing research and presenting the proper herb for the spell "forgiveness" or "working with Hekate" you better believe they will take notice and respond!

4.  For offerings you can just use one night of the dark moon, but for any kind of magickal working utilizing EVERY day of the phase is the most effective.  On Dark moons I like to use all three nights, and I repeat what I did the nights before…and I am open to anything new I experience or receive. REMEMBER!  Magick is worship, it is also an exchange of energy. Magick is also practice.  How do you expect to get good at anything if you are not willing to do anything more than read about it?  You have to practice it, the more you practice the better you get...three nights in a row, now that packs a punch.  Seven nights?  Two weeks, now you are getting the picture the more you concentrate on one spell until you get a result the more focused and more likely you are to get your result!

5.  Realize that the Astrological phase of the Dark moon does have something to do with whatever issue you might want to learn about or work with,or are working through during a month.  Yep there is a Scorpio Crone Mother moon, and a Maiden Aquarius Dark Moon both have strengths both insights are pivotal to your new you emerging. KNOW WHICH one you are working with and plan your spell, God or Goddess, Candles, herbs, stones, etc accordingly.  Do not be the kind of person that thinks the Gods are just lucky you showed up with anything at all, respect the craft do the work and research and it will respect you!

6.  Are you scared of the shadow you see when the sun hits you? Are you scared of the concept of DARK vs LIGHT ?  Are you scared of what is really deep inside you beneath the surface?  “I love my shadow!  Isn’t she/he cool!”  These are things you should say when you notice your real shadow.  Dark Moon work happens whether you call on it or not.  Whether you seek it out or not…so it is best to mark it, acknowledge it and have fun with it. Dark Moon magick is essential to learning, evolving and growing, as a human being and spiritual practitioner it is not about hexes and curses.  Unless you call working on your own issues a "hex or curse".

So you have your candles, deities, salt, water, stones, herbs and you are sitting there in the dark after invoking your God or Goddess…now what?  Tell them the truth!  Tell them what you are going through, what REALLY happened, how you felt about it, how you feel about it now make sure you make the story as funny as possible or as sad as possible this is the time to really let that BIG emotions pour out.  Tell them you do not know what it all means, or how it is going to help you or etc.  Ask for their insights, thank them for showing you the “shadow of yourself”, thank them for everything warts and all…and remind them gently that you would like to learn these things about yourself in a gentle way, in a smooth as possible way.  If you have a piece of jewelry, a card, a physical object, a mantra you want to dedicate to this time this would be the time to do it with earth, air, fire, water.

Lay out an appropriate offering for your deity, take what you just learned and Burn it, Bury it, or Drown it.  It is that easy.

“Dark moon,

burning bright,

for those who have the blessed sight,

Accept my offering

Hear my prayer

Remind me that you are always there

nothing to fear

only to share

the truth. 

May I embrace you

my shadow

May I remember that without you

there is no light

May I seek out and maintain

a state of balance in my life

in myself

and in the world I live in.

Dark moon

shine bright!

Dark Moon

let me see your light!

Dark Moon

come dance with me

and reflect back to me

my light!”

-----------Sonya Miller

 

That'll do me.......

Nut, the sky mother’s belly was full with creation, but because of Ra’s jealousy and rage he cursed her so that she could not give birth to her creations on “any day of the year” and all the gods knew her pain because they listened to her constant groans and torment as they echoed across the heavens.  But Thoth, being the God of wisdom realized this was not best for the whole…and so he thought long and hard on the matter and transformed himself into a baboon.  

As the playful baboon Thoth went to Khonsu, the God of the moon, and starting to entertain him with jokes and antics like the first court jesters.  As the moon boat dipped in the West Thoth, the baboon gracefully jumped aboard and sailed with Khonsu to the depths of the underworld.  While he rode in the boat with Khonsu he entertained the God with sounds, and pictures and revealed to him the art of writing.  Khonsu was enamored with this skill and told Thoth that he would “give him anything he desired” if he would only share this magic with him.  Thoth, sly and wise, told Khonsu that he only wished to play a game of dice.  Laughing, Khonsu agreed and so Thoth the baboon and Khonsu the moon began to play the game of dice.

At first, Khonsu rolled the best scores and the baboon jumped up and down complimenting the round faced God on his skills, and this pleased Khonsu whose ego was stroked enough that he agreed to the suggestion of wagers to make the game more interesting.  At first only fruits and shells were wagered on the outcome of the dice games; and Khonsu won again and again.  After a while, Thoth suggested the gamble for higher stakes and Khonsu again agreed and this time they played for gold and for silver.  So the game went on, day upon day, month upon month, for almost a full year.  During this time, Nut the sky mother’s shrieks of pain were still heard throughout the universe.

Khonsu continued winning the game gaining more and more treasures so the baboon God Thoth suggested they increase the wager for just a little of the moon’s light.  Khonsu, hesitated a moment, yet he looked at all of his winnings and feeling confident and taking in the flattery of Thoth agreed to the wager.  The game was on….Thoth blew on the dice and said: 

“Bones, Bones, roll as you may. Your numbers choose both night and day.  Where the power of sky and stars hold sway, cause these bones to roll my way, Roll for me this day, Roll for me this day.” (Tamerian spell for gambling)

Luck was with Thoth, the God of Magick, and Khonsu groaned each time Thoth won the roll giving up more and more of his light to the God.  After a while, his face became thinner and thinner but he played on confident that the luck would change in his favor and the days rolled on.  Thoth, rolled and rolled, winning enough light for five extra days and since he was the measurer of time he decided to add these on to the end of the year that RA had created.  Laughing, and whooping Thoth bowed deeply and swiftly took his leave from the God Khonsu and leaped on the Moon boat and transformed himself into the Ibis (his sun form which is that of a bird); and jumped.  He soared higher and higher in his bird-form until he reached NUT. 

 

<Because of this dice game the moon waxes and wanes for Thoth never did give Khonsu back his full moon power. It is also because of this game that Thoth has the power of moon and sun. It is also the reason why there are 365 days in a year!.>

 

Thoth called out for Tauret the hippo Goddess and the dwarf-god Bes to assist him in the labor of Nut and delivery of these God children.  It took five days, exactly as much as Thoth had won for each child to be born and as each child was delivered into the universe, Thoth blessed each and gave them their names so that they would be counted among the company of the Gods.  The first child born on the first day was named Osiris the Good, and the universe cried out and said “the Lord of the whole world”  had just been born.  The second day saw the birth of the heroic Horus, Horus the elder, who was most like his grandfather Ra.  The third day saw the birth of the red-headed Set and in him was chaos and wildness of energies.  On the fourth day the Goddess Isis was born, and on the fifth day Nephthys the dark eyed goddess came forth blessing all the previous children but she lavished her highest praise on her brother Set.  

After all of this was done, the heavens earth and sky were fulfilled and set into their proper places.  All the creatures that lived were following their instilled natures and all the Gods that took care of them had taken their stations. Thus, Ra, being the first and creator of it all became bored and weary of eternity; he looked at the impermanence and the excitement of mortal men and women’s lives and felt envy and longing.

The Gods lived in the palace of Ra removed from man and woman, knowing nothing of suffering or joy immortal, beautiful, and bored.

Lessons from the Hands of Thoth:

* Never judge by appearances!  Thoth while he is the god of wisdom and magick, also realizes a power we humans should be aware of…the power of utilizing aspects of ourselves that we need to when we want to obtain a goal.  The power of tom-foolery and making “a monkey” out of ourselves is a good one.  Maybe from time to time we should take ourselves less seriously; maybe we should be willing to shake a tail feather, and lose from time to time knowing that every thing is not important what is important is the end result.

* Listening to the pain and suffering of those around us is important, but doing something for them to ease their pain and suffering is more important.  Thoth took time to plan and to take action and because of this he was successful!  He was also very patient taking over a whole year to get the results he wanted, but determination and wisdom means that sometimes you do not get immediate results.

* Thoth is a God who is not only wise, but is also a trickster.  You know the trickster God the one that gives you what you want but leads you down a crazy path to get there!  Or shows you how you really don’t want what you think it is you want…oh that is wisdom.  Hmmmm wonder if contemplating your personal ideas of wisdom and a “trickster” might blur the lines between the two?

* How is it that Khonsu lost? He got cocky, he let his ego be fed in a way that made him not take notice that he was being stroked and led in a certain direction.  His ego was WAY too big!  Do not be so foolish as to listen to all those “compliments” and people that are “stroking your ego” be cautious!  Sure you should surround yourself with people that are not unhealthy and mean to you; but you should also surround yourself with people who are honest and tell you the hard truths whether you want to hear them or not.  Khonsu’s ego was huge, and this was his downfall make sure you too are always grounded else your ego will lead to your downfall!

*If you practice this path, then learning the calendar is easier if you remember this story.  Knowing who the Enneads are and the roles of many of your deities becomes common place if you remember who does what.  Tauret looks like a Hippo but she is a Goddess of midwifery!  Bes, is a dwarf but he assisted in the delivery!  If you are pregnant, or assisting in a Wiccaning or friends with a female and you follow this path a gift of Bes or Tauret would be in line would it not?

*Set is not the Devil, he is not “bad”.  In our modern 21^st century culture we have been programmed to see things as extremes: white or black, good or bad, rich or poor, etc.  But Set is described as Chaos and primordial energy not tamed or focused…sounds a lot like our lives and us as practioner’s of magick that are trying to constantly learn does it not?  Why not study Set, get to know him and realize there are other aspects and characteristics of him that might interest you.  Did you know he was considered the God of trading, God of the Desserts, also the God of foreign languages?  Egyptian Gods have lived so long their characteristics and complexities defy human understanding at times; yet help us flesh them out to be more than “stereotypes” but “archetypes” and isn’t that what a spiritual path is all about?

* Know your creation story. Use it as a tool to teach you, to instruct you, to make you smile, laugh, take delight in it!  It is a story after all, and it is customized by the Gods for you…your mind and spirit will gain things from it that no other person on earth will ever grasp!  You are a wonderful unique vessel…and the Gods envy you at times.

If you want to learn about the Egyptian Calendar and the creation story then try these:Egyptian Mystics: Seekers of the Way by Moustafa Gadalla, Egyptian Cosmology the Animated Universe by Moustafa Gadalla, and Egyptian Rhythmn: The Heavenly Melodies by Moustafa Gadalla

Lastly, not least imporantly...THANK YOU for reading, and freely giving me the gift of your time!

We are all Brothers of the Sun and Daughers of the Moon!

In my neck of the woods, in my circle of friends who are Pagan that are scattered across the United States the hottest “topic” of debate was usually the role of males in Paganism.  It would make women irritable, because they felt they were defending Goddess and had come to the religion in the first place so that they could be more “empowered”.  Me, and my girlfriends felt that in the “real” workplace/political world we were “not listened too” and treated as “less than” and that if you really wanted to insult a man you called him “a girl" (or vaginistic type words a few months ago I saw this used by advertisers on a billboard to get men to buy a sportscar).  My male friends, however, would argue that the world had changed to the point where they could hardly get jobs and that the world we described was not”real” or “had leveled out” leaving them competing against minorities for everything; they did not feel that they should have that same “bias” in their religious choices.  So there was a gridlock…since the Highpriestess is what runs covens (unless you are involved in an organization that still venerates male over female) and since Goddess books there are aplenty and God books few my male Pagan friends felt they got the short end of the stick.

For years, when I was younger I would think," If you all feel this way then why come to this religion if you resent women running it?  Go somewhere else, any other religion will let you run everything if you are male and not even let females become ministers!"  However, the wheel turned and  I started to hear with spirit filled ears, and listen with a spirit filled heart and realize that maybe just maybe they (my male friends and even my young son) had a few valid points.  So, when I returned to Memphis once again I started to listen and the same points came up.  Males saw all the women rituals that excluded them, the Goddess retreats and felt that they had nothing equivalent.  They were being asked to participate and be “better” men than most of society but were not being treated “fairly”.  When questions of rites of passage for men came up they were told they were “not important” and that “why should they need them?”.  Some leaders of the organizations went as far as to say that the “separation of the two sexes” was silly anyway, and that it promoted more problems than solutions.  Yet, everywhere I listened I heard them hurt and hungry for something more and  “just for them” they wanted to also leave behind a legacy of "new Pagan men".

As a woman I understand the need for “just for me”.  I read Virginia Wolf’s “A Room of One’s Own” while in college and firmly decided from that point on in life I would make a space and time for just me because it was important.  Goddess devotional books, and companion readers emphasize over and over again how important it is for women who give so liberally to husbands, parents, children, and their bosses to make a space and time for themselves.  So women started forming little groups, or girl nights out, or pampering sessions, by now I have not met a woman my age who does not have a “just me” hobby, activity, or time that helps her get back in touch with her inner Goddess.  This is wonderful, it is liberating, it is empowering, it was not heard of in my Mamaw’s day and time unless you were rich!

But what about men who take care of their children, wives, bosses, friends, and families?  The numbers are growing on how many men raise children alone and how are young men going to learn how to be comfortable and not defensive being a "man" (and no that is not a bad word) if they do not have role models, and mentors, and become more open minded?  What if you do not think the perfect time to spend with men is in a Budweiser commercial at the Drag races? I know this is an extreme example but here in the south it is quite common…what if you like to read poetry, and play music, and paint, or just meditate and contemplate the universe?  Where do we encourage this in our modern day society?  Why is it okay for the woman to get in touch with her inner maiden with “hello kitty” houseshoes but the man cannot get in touch with his inner “rogue” playing video games or buying star wars collectibles? 

I say this because you get a group of women together and more often than not you will hear references to men…just being more immature than women.  That men, waste money on toys and don’t seem to care about childrearing like we do.  It is like we women, force men into a role that they themselves might not want to be pushed into.  If women do not like to be “cookie cuttered” then why is it okay for us to force “traditional” roles on men?  I realize that in my marriage, I have to stop and re-acquaint myself with my gentle father- husband all the time because I have pre-conceived stereotypes that were fed to me by my parents and society that told me Brian has to be XYZ.  However, he is not those things.  To add to this, I have a compassionate soft spoken artistic twenty year old son who has expressed himself through clothing and words since he could articulate his mind.  His ambiguity when it comes to sexual roles worried me at first, only to find me expanding and realizing that sexual roles are just that ”costumes” and that one size does not fit all.

Did you know that I do not hear my baby Cayden cry in the middle of the night?  My husband does, and no he does not wake me up to take care of him he gets up cuddles and swaddles his son and rocks him back to sleep.  Did you know that he has taken Cayden to the doctor alone more than me because if he does this I have time to color my hair and do my nails?  He does that so I have ME time.  Now, you can say that means I am a “less than mom” and he is a “better than dad” but I will argue with you we are doing what works for us as people and as a family unit.  We have gotten to the point where doing what we are, is more important than what others think.  My husband really has longed for a Pagan Men’s retreat for a long time now.  Last year, he finally got a “fathering ritual” at the age of forty. He has two other children from a previous marriage, one twenty one the other twenty two and he has been a practicing pagan and a Highpriest for at least twenty years. That is took him that long to get this rite of passage I found dumbfounding and sad.

This weekend, he and my oldest son are going to a Pagan Men’s retreat called Brothers of the Sun < http://templeofthesacredgift.org/bots/info.html>  our church , Temple of the Sacred Gift-ATC is co-sponsoring it with the only Pagan’s we knew in the area that celebrated the Male aspect of Paganism as much as the Female aspect, Southern Delta Church of Wicca-ATC.  Rev. Terry Michael Riley has since 1993 been a legal ordained minister of the Pagan community with a Church.  He fought for the rights of Pagans and it was documented in the March for Ft. God video < http://www.amazon.com/March-Robin-Anderson-Cuhulain-Terry/dp/B00023DEH6/ref=sr_1_2?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1313519927&sr=1-2 >.  He is a pioneer and courageous in ways I can only hope to become and yet for several years now in the woods he has continued to have a small men’s mysteries retreat.

Two years ago, when I met Rev. Terry Riley he told me he had a manuscript lying around that he had not gotten published but rejected everywhere he turned, and that he was ready to give up on since no one seemed interested.  I asked him the topic, and he told me men’s mysteries and the relationship of Men to the God and the Goddess energies.  I could not believe that he had such an important book tucked away and that no one wanted to publish it!  So I asked him to look at it and edit it and I would study on how to get it published, I knew in my bones it was important and like everyone I know I love helping people.  I formed a self publishing company (Heka House), took my income tax refund and published the book named aptly BROTHERS OF THE SUN: THE PAGAN MEN”S MYSTERIES (hey it is a great book you should read it and purchase it for every male pagan you know!).  We (Terry, Brian and I) felt the book was integral to the future of Paganism and addressed a common complaint that was never addressed and always ignored.  I have never been prouder than to help assist a person publish something I feel was important.  I have never felt more amazed to realize that with helping fund a Men’s Pagan retreat in a nice facility that we are starting a rock solid tradition we can leave behind to future generations.

If we, the women, do not back our men then who will?  Is the consort not just as important as the Goddess?  You bet he is!  I pray that this Brother of the Sun retreat will help heal some of the wounds caused in this community by not treating our the male energy as "equal to" not "greater than" the female energy.  I pray that it starts a legacy that teaches and instructs our men on how to be better at being themselves.  I hope that it helps each of them find a part of themselves they forgot about, that they make new friends and come home exhausted yet refreshed.  Do I believe I finally listened to the universe?  You bet you I did!  Will I ever truly understand what the men in the Pagan community are expressing…maybe not, but I am taking a baby step in the right direction.  That is all I know how to do, and I pray my Brothers give me a break and know I wish them the best! But if you are a male Pagan, and all you do is complain about the differences and do nothing to support a local festival and movement to help your own, then do not complain...hush up.  You cannot complain about the President of the United States if you do not vote!

How do you all feel about the men learning how to be more comfortable being themselves and finding themselves?  How pivotal do you feel this is to men and future men in our Pagan communities?