This was a blog post I started on and realized if I published it at the time, it might cause a "swarm of trouble" so it lay in my archives for quite some time. However, now that I have closed the Facebook site down, and do not get as much traffic if you are just reading MY OLD BLOG this is for you!
Here in the South, we all know when someone say "Well bless your heart!" they do not really mean it. They mean something really awful like...you are as dumb as a "box of rocks", you are "off your rocker", or "you are a b*tch!" but my mama raised me to be a lady so I won't call you any of those things. I have always hated when people would not state their mind; but find that with age comes some wisdom and I find that the tool of "Bless your heart!" is enough for people to understand what I mean.
Just recently, I went through a whole month of "Well bless your hearts"! I find that now that I am Clergy it sort of forces me to say this phrase and bite my tongue in ways I would have never imagined before. Two years ago I refused to do it; but as my sojourner Terry Riley would say..."How is that working out for ya'?" It was not working out for me. People say they want the truth, but to be factual they really do not. People want you to say what they want to hear; or to "cushion the truth" in a big ole' barrel of sugar.
Now I hear what you are saying! You think this is not being honest and almost down right lying, but I am betting you as sure as I can raise an eyebrow from what little experience I have had at the Clergy job; that you really do "attract more flies with honey than vinegar" and it does not hurt your teeth to bite down on a peppermint and smile when answering someone that rubs you the wrong way. Yep, I am human people are going to rub me the wrong way. They will ask me things that you would probably not ask normal critters because I have pink hair, I'm pagan, I dress in vintage clothing, and I am a minister. I mean I would probably ask me weird and intrusive questions also if I met me...why not? What do you have to lose except the other person being snipey!
I am asked if my hair is real, people pull it and want to touch it all the time (this really makes me feel intruded upon but I cannot say that can I?). I am asked about my tattoos (did they hurt?), about why I moved to Memphis (was it to follow a man?), what my religious orientation is (I find this rude coming from a stranger), and then when they find out I am Pagan/Wiccan/Witch then it's on. I am asked everything from "Anton Levay Satanist questions" to how do we get married, and how do we raise our children. I usually tell them I get married in swamp water with bat wings, and raise my children in the seventh level of hell...(no just joking). All of these questions I got asked before I was Clergy, and then I could say..."None of your business!" and walk away...but now, I find myself taking a deep breath, pasting a smile on my face and saying..."Why we get married like anyone else the ceremony might be a little different but then Muslims and Jews get married traditionally also right?" and I find myself explaining and sharing with people what I love...my spiritual path.
Now how you can explain this turn about, I have not clue other than the Gods must have a hand in it...but it has happened. I find that the love I had explaining to only Pagans my path I also am sharing with everyone else that wants to ask...and ask me they will. Now do not get me wrong I still do not want people asking about my "sex life" though they still will and I really do not like "people saying things about me to my back that they would never say to my face" but I will be honest with you all of these things happened before I was Clergy and now the only difference is how I handle them. So I am going to share with you a few things that are practical that I was taught and have come to live as Clergy that I am working to integrate into my life better but sometimes still bungle.
1. Always listen. This seems obvious but really is not; you would be surprised how many people just want you to "notice" and "pay attention" to their feelings, hurts, accomplishments, woes, new relationships, epiphanies. What does it cost to listen? Nothing, nothing at all.
2. You are human, be kind to yourself just as you should be kind to others. This was a hard one to me, I could be kinder to other people and give them more "breaks" than I ever could myself. However, I find that apparently I thought that being Clergy meant I would instantly be "a better human being" only to find I am the same human being trying to be better and I will "make mistakes". Everyone does, so if I can love and comfort a stranger or member in the our Church why would I not "love and nourish" myself?
3. People come to people for advice this does not mean they have to take it. Yep, this one is hard people will come to you as Clergy and to you the answer is as obvious as the nose on their face. Heck, if they knew the answer and their way was working they would not have come to you would they? Well, you will find that most people have to attempt to work out the same issue (me included) several times before they get it. Most people will ask you for advice on the same issue over and over again not taking your advice over and over again...but eventually they will get it.
4. Patience ain't only a virtue it is half of life...waiting. You wait in a line at the bank, you wait in a grocery line, your child waits in line at the cafeteria, you wait for a raise or promotion at a job, so why do we have such a hard time waiting for an answer to a prayer or a "solution" to something that has bogged us down? Why do we give up on people, including family members, when if you plant a seed or become pregnant with child you know it is going to take almost a year to see a harvest...Why not accept that answers, and solutions do not always come fast . In fact if you are asking for a BIG solution it is going to take some time; take a deep breath and do not tap your foot realize that the answer is on its way to you! A door is opening somewhere, and PEOPLE can change for the better!
5. You are not naive to have faith in people and in concepts. I cannot tell you how many times I thought my husband was "naive" for always believing and seeing the best in people; but I have found over the short amount of time I have shared with him that he is mostly right. Humans are wonderful! People generally do want to do good, and if given the opportunity to shine and do just that they will. Yep, that is right not only do they come through but will step up...I have seen it happen in our Church and in our Community and those are things I never knew until I became Clergy. As for concepts, like "peace" and "reconciliation" and "acceptance" and "forgiveness" I have also seen these all play out on the physical plane within a record time of three years and I never would have thought these ideas would have been applied to me and others in such a clear simple way...but they have, so what did I know?
6. Admit you do not know everything, but stand strong and do not buckle on what you do know. When working for other people you have to know what you know, and admit what you do not. You will find that outsiders or people within a group will challenge the whole dichotomy of things but while that is okay you cannot let people "walk all over you" and that is what truth and acceptance is all about is it not? Admitting the "truth" you have seen, experienced, found, heard, or brought back into this incarnation...(while also acknowledging that in others) is being strong and why you have been chosen to be the leader and what makes you a leader so stand there; don't let another person determine for you your truth. Do not worry if people, tell you "No, you are wrong. Or no, it can only be done this way." Nothing at all not even truth, can be done, or seen only one way. I can tell you after, studying ethics and philosophy for over four years that there are many ways but "wrong" really isn't one of them. Depending on the culture, generation, gender, and politics is where we get this word from. Do not even apply it to yourself exactly...wrong for you might be right for Sally and Bill!
7. If people say "why bless your heart" smile back and say thankyou. No, do not say something "one uppish" "sarcastic" or angry back it will not do any good any way just will prove to others you are a person that is a little wonky. Do not try to jump through hoops, or do relay races for people that do not "get you" or "what you are about". Please do not play that game! I have done it; and it did not work out at all. In the end they did not like me any better; and I did not like myself for having done it. Even if it is just "an experiment" to see if shifting and changing and trying something different might be who you are...and you return to the self you used to be that is great! BUT never ever let people, a community, family members, or friends put peer pressure on you to be ashamed of your weight, clothing style, makeup or not makeup choices, lifestyle choices (as in your sexual preferences which should be sacred and secret), hair styles, what you read, what you do with your spare time, anything at all to do with your music choices, or how you present yourself in public. I say this because all my life, people have done this to me to some extent and it is not cool and has absolutely nothing to do with what kind of character I posses. So "let them bless my crazy heart" cause who I am is who I have to be; and remember to honor this in others also.
Remember, life is a journey ( no not a game, destination, or race), be patient, not stating right away what you are thinking is a GOOD thing most of the time, and when you need to stand your ground, then do it...being a doormat is not what you were born to be! Know thyself, know your truths, and be proud and open and honest to share them admitting when YOU DO NOT KNOW. Believe in others, because it is nice when people believe in you. Do not get upset if people do not listen to you and act right away sometimes they heard you, they just did not get the "wisdom" until life gave them the experiences to process it. Lastly, be kind to yourself and others remembering if you do not listen (truly attentively listen) then how are you going to learn or help others when you need too?
Thank you for the gift of your time, and for letting me share some wisdom that I have learned the hard way.
Times to make amends, and move on further down the
road; I have enjoyed posting my thoughts, and what I have learned from time to
time.At times, I realize I was “downright
preachy” and at times I was “really whiny” but then there were times of “strength”
and stretching out my wings to fly.All
of this was done with all of you; and I thank you for taking the time to read
it, and comment.
When I got to the point in my life when I realize
that what I blogged would not only be “criticized” but “magnified” looking for
error and possibly as a “bad image” as what Wiccan clergy and leaders can say
and cannot say in public I realized; my life had changed.Southern Fried Pagan was a blog set
up to help share with others my feelings on various things; but truthfully one
cannot and should not as Clergy share their feelings freely without realizing
that they are an example to someone and so they should be given a filter when
they get that license.Wanting to be the
best example possible (yeah I really want to be good at what I do), I found
that rather than publish my meanderings of the mind to the public; I was
writing them down “for only me”….and I am okay with that; some things should
only be for you…and possibly burnt or published after you die; whichever the
people left behind choose to do with it.
Somewhere around year two blogging, I realized my
passion for the Path had gotten concentrated really on my own personal path
which was Egyptian while my public life was one of service to an Eclectic
Wiccan church but the sheer doggedness and stubbornness of my personality would
not let me “give up” or “give in” the blog…I thought I might still have
something to teach, share, or say and so I kept on a blogging even if it was
with the help of others who have a gift for writing.Thank you Jenn Kahn, Kevin Red Patrick, Julie
Jeznach, and even Ashlee Misee of Teflon Cauldron days!
What I did not get to talk about on my blog since it
Fried Pagan was my interest in the Old Occult authors, or in what is
considered “High Magick” or “Energy Work” I just kept it sweet, southern, and
clean…and no matter what I posted; I found some person in the community seemed
to always think it was about them.Thus
I started posting recipes, bath salts, how to make incenses, and encouraging
people to be happy, and accept love from the universe cause these are such
simple principles and cannot be re-instated enough; and they kept me safe.
I am not really tolerant of whiners, or bitchers, or
people who slander, gossip, or stir the pot in a community.So no matter what has gone on in my personal
life for years, I have not commented on it here…and so I asked myself; what has
been the point? The point was, I got to grow and think aloud with words with
you all…the point was I got to learn discipline, not my voice really, but
something akin to what my higher self would want me to say and then it became
MY VOICE.The point was, I got to see
and meet a lot of kin and kin folk that “related” and understood that here in
the Bible belt there was some huge moving and shaking going on…and they were in the form of Wiccan
churches.Yep, that is right I
helped co-found one and it has made me grow more than miracle weed, and I am
not the only one folks there are more and more being founded every day. (Thank
you Goddess for that!)
I am not a perfect person, I am far from it, the way
I see it is that if the Goddess and God can
use me or even see me as a possible leader of any kind then I know for
certain they can use anyone.Seriously, they can!I have shared with you all my transformation
from being a fiery personality, to more of a stable Earthy woman…the irony
being that in my twenties I could not even find that part of myself.I have withstood death, abuse, loss,
bankruptcy, heartbreak, betrayal, all kinds of crap…just like you all.I have raised three children over 23 and now
I am doing it all again with a three year old; I was an iniate, a dedicant, a
maiden, a Highpriestess, and now I am Wiccan Clergy.I have been Maiden, Mother, something in
between, and now I am walking with the Crone through menopause which is really
sort of cool.I am not dead, very far
from it and happy to be so…I am just transformed.
I have walked a cycle of life, in these little size
7 ½ feet and I want to walk another cycle…where it leads me I have no idea…but
I know service, worship, being a better Clergy, building a better community,
enjoying what the Gods have given me and all forms of abundance and love is
part of it….and that means you all I have to thank cause you have helped me get
I have not a clue, if I will ever blog again…but if
I do, I will pick a less confining name, and take my time before I leap in
because now I have come to REALLY understand the power of words (the irony of
this statement is not lost on me since I teach it to first degrees ) .
I encourage you all to know that you are Sacred,
perfect as you are, so loved that you have no idea, and worthy of all that love
and the best in life.I pray if you long
for a Wiccan/Pagan/Witchy group that if you cannot Find one then you Found one;
we could use more people like us…we make life colorful, magical, and full of
potential.Lastly, be patient with
yourself and with others, babies take time to be born and so do you. Remember,
children of the earth that you are never alone and the time for action is not tomorrow or yesterday…it is always and always will be NOW!
"Before I went to bed at night, my daddy would share a glass of buttermilk and cornbread with me in a beautiful Tall glass with a spoon. I loved the taste of bitter and sweet mixed together the cold and the dry textures all mixing like a typhoon in my mouth...."
Thank you for all your time, and energy…and stop in
to see me sometime at the Temple of the Sacred Gift-ATC (www.tsg-atc.org) I will be there, with a
glass of sweet tea and a smile on my face, and a bear hug…cause if I know anything
at all, I know that you can never love people too much (so let me love you).