"Well bless your heart!"

This was a blog post I started on and realized if I published it at the time, it might cause a "swarm of trouble" so it lay in my archives for quite some time.  However, now that I have closed the Facebook site down, and do not get as much traffic if you are just reading MY OLD BLOG this is for you!

Here in the South, we all know when someone say "Well bless your heart!" they do not really mean it.  They mean something really awful like...you are as dumb as a "box of rocks", you are "off your rocker", or "you are a b*tch!" but my mama raised me to be a lady so I won't call you any of those things.  I have always hated when people would not state their mind; but find that with age comes some wisdom and I find that the tool of "Bless your heart!" is enough for people to understand what I mean.

Just recently, I went through a whole month of "Well bless your hearts"!  I find that now that I am Clergy it sort of forces me to say this phrase and bite my tongue in ways I would have never imagined before.  Two years ago I refused to do it; but as my sojourner Terry Riley would say..."How is that working out for ya'?"  It was not working out for me.  People say they want the truth, but to be factual they really do not.  People want you to say what they want to hear; or to "cushion the truth" in a big ole' barrel of sugar.

Now I hear what you are saying!  You think this is not being honest and almost down right lying, but I am betting you as sure as I can raise an eyebrow from what little experience I have had at the Clergy job; that you really do "attract more flies with honey than vinegar" and it does not hurt your teeth to bite down on a peppermint and smile when answering someone that rubs you the wrong way.  Yep, I am human people are going to rub me the wrong way.  They will ask me things that you would probably not ask normal critters because I have pink hair, I'm pagan, I dress in vintage clothing, and I am a minister.  I mean I would probably ask me weird and intrusive questions also if I met me...why not?  What do you have to lose except the other person being snipey!

I am asked if my hair is real, people pull it and want to touch it all the time (this really makes me feel intruded upon but I cannot say that can I?). I am asked about my tattoos (did they hurt?), about why I moved to Memphis (was it to follow a man?), what my religious orientation is (I find this rude coming from a stranger), and then when they find out I am Pagan/Wiccan/Witch  then it's on.  I am asked everything from "Anton Levay Satanist questions" to how do we get married, and how do we raise our children.  I usually tell them I get married in swamp water with bat wings, and raise my children in the seventh level of hell...(no just joking).  All of these questions I got asked before I was Clergy, and then I could say..."None of your business!" and walk away...but now, I find myself taking a deep breath, pasting a smile on my face and saying..."Why we get married like anyone else the ceremony might be a little different but then Muslims and Jews get married traditionally also right?"  and I find myself explaining and sharing with people what I love...my spiritual path.

Now how you can explain this turn about, I have not clue other than the Gods must have a hand in it...but it has happened.  I find that the love I had explaining to only Pagans my path I also am sharing with everyone else that wants to ask...and ask me they will.  Now do not get me wrong I still do not want people asking about my "sex life" though they still will and I really do not like "people saying things about me to my back that they would never say to my face" but I will be honest with you all of these things happened before I was Clergy and now the only difference is how I handle them.  So I am going to share with you a few things that are practical that I was taught and have come to live as Clergy that I am working to integrate into my life better but sometimes still bungle.

1.  Always listen.  This seems obvious but really is not; you would be surprised how many people just want you to "notice" and "pay attention" to their feelings, hurts, accomplishments, woes, new relationships, epiphanies.  What does it cost to listen?  Nothing, nothing at all.

2.  You are human, be kind to yourself just as you should be kind to others.  This was a hard one to me, I could be kinder to other people and give them more "breaks" than I ever could myself.  However, I find that apparently I thought that being Clergy meant I would instantly be "a better human being" only to find I am the same human being trying to be better and I will "make mistakes".  Everyone does, so if I can love and comfort a stranger or member in the our Church why would I not "love and nourish" myself?

3.  People come to people for advice this does not mean they have to take it.  Yep, this one is hard people will come to you as Clergy and to you the answer is as obvious as the nose on their face.  Heck, if they knew the answer and their way was working they would not have come to you would they?  Well, you will find that most people have to attempt to work out the same issue (me included) several times before they get it.  Most people will ask you for advice on the same issue over and over again not taking your advice over and over again...but eventually they will get it.

4. Patience ain't only a virtue it is half of life...waiting.  You wait in a line at the bank, you wait in a grocery line, your child waits in line at the cafeteria, you wait for a raise or promotion at a job, so why do we have such a hard time waiting for an answer to a prayer or a "solution" to something that has bogged us down?  Why do we give up on people, including family members, when if you plant a seed or become pregnant with child you know it is going to take almost a year to see a harvest...Why not accept that answers, and solutions do not always come fast .  In fact if you are asking for a BIG solution it is going to take some time; take a deep breath and do not tap your foot realize that the answer is on its way to you!  A door is opening somewhere, and PEOPLE can change for the better!

5.  You are not naive to have faith in people and in concepts.   I cannot tell you how many times I thought my husband was "naive" for always believing and seeing the best in people; but I have found over the short amount of time I have shared with him that he is mostly right.  Humans are wonderful!  People generally do want to do good, and if given the opportunity to shine and do just that they will.  Yep, that is right not only do they come through but will step up...I have seen it happen in our Church and in our Community and those are things I never knew until I became Clergy.  As for concepts, like "peace" and "reconciliation" and "acceptance" and "forgiveness" I have also seen these all play out on the physical plane within a record time of three years and I never would have thought these ideas would have been applied to me and others in such a clear simple way...but they have, so what did I know?

6.  Admit you do not know everything, but stand strong and do not buckle on what you do know.  When working for other people you have to know what you know, and admit what you do not.  You will find that outsiders or people within a group will challenge the whole dichotomy of things but while that is okay you cannot let people "walk all over you" and that is what truth and acceptance is all about is it not?  Admitting the "truth" you have seen, experienced, found, heard, or brought back into this incarnation...(while also acknowledging that in others) is being strong and why you have been chosen to be the leader and what makes you a leader so stand there; don't let another person determine for you your truth.  Do not worry if people, tell you "No, you are wrong.  Or no, it can only be done this way."  Nothing at all not even truth, can be done, or seen only one way. I can tell you after, studying ethics and philosophy for over four years that there are many ways but "wrong" really isn't one of them.  Depending on the culture, generation, gender, and politics is where we get this word from.  Do not even apply it to yourself exactly...wrong for you might be right for Sally and Bill!

7.  If people say "why bless your heart" smile back and say thankyou.  No, do not say something "one uppish" "sarcastic" or angry back it will not do any good any way just will prove to others you are a person that is a little wonky.  Do not try to jump through hoops, or do relay races for people that do not "get you" or "what you are about".  Please do not play that game!  I have done it; and it did not work out at all.  In the end they did not like me any better; and I did not like myself for having done it.  Even if it is just "an experiment" to see if shifting and changing and trying something different might be who you are...and you return to the self you used to be that is great!  BUT never ever let people, a community, family members, or friends put peer pressure on you to be ashamed of your weight, clothing style, makeup or not makeup choices, lifestyle choices (as in your sexual preferences which should be sacred and secret), hair styles, what you read, what you do with your spare time, anything at all to do with your music choices, or how you present yourself in public.  I say this because all my life, people have done this to me to some extent and it is not cool and has absolutely nothing to do with what kind of character I posses.  So "let them bless my crazy heart" cause who I am is who I have to be; and remember to honor this in others also.

Remember, life is a journey ( no not a game, destination, or race), be patient, not stating right away what you are thinking is a GOOD thing most of the time, and when you need to stand your ground, then do it...being a doormat is not what you were born to be! Know thyself, know your truths, and be proud and open and honest to share them admitting when YOU DO NOT KNOW.  Believe in others, because it is nice when people believe in you.  Do  not get upset if people do not listen to you and act right away sometimes they heard you, they just did not get the "wisdom" until life gave them the experiences to process it. Lastly, be kind to yourself and others remembering if you do not listen (truly attentively listen) then how are you going to learn or help others when you need too?

 

Thank you for the gift of your time, and for letting me share some wisdom that I have learned the hard way.

Burning away the old, to erect the new

I have had a Heck of a Year!  I am pretty sure you all have too.  These past few weeks, like many of you I find myself looking back to see what was accomplished and to take the time to float, dwell, dip into those memories that made the year potent.

 Some of these were:  My son turning 3 and his wonderful birthday party.  Spending time with the Southern Delta Wicca Clan.  Spending time with my friends Bella and Joanna.  Loving moments with my husband. Traveling to Pagan Unity Festival and sharing the Sacraments of the Gods with Pagans, and having the privilege to share what I had learned in the form of Workshops.  Traveling to Gathering of theTribes doing a HUGE main ritual, and teaching several workshops, and getting to sit on a Board to help people that are wanting to "start up" new Wiccan organizations.  Moving from one small Temple worship building; to another larger Temple worship space and converting it together with others for the Gods.  Cultivating friendships with people in my immediate circle and community that will last forever!

I am not ignoring the bad (I despise this word it is not adequate as an adjective):  criticisms, complaints, harassment, threats, slander, lies,arguments, heart-break,  helping people I love with diseases, cancer, visiting hospitals,  crossing overs, crying nights, lonely desolation, and hands tossed up in the air.  I just realize that the BOTH make a hearty brew of the year 2013.

On our path, there is no light without dark.  On our path, learning how to direct the "dark" within yourself  and that is outside of yourself (yep you cannot control this) into a productive activity, project, or life lesson is the challenge. 

"We take the yule log and we pour into it all we have suffered...everything.  We take the time to let the weight and darkness come into us and the tears fall.  I have bathed my Gods and Goddesses in those tears.  We let the pain rip through us until we can bear it no longer....the agony, the heart that feels that it will never be healed.  Then we drill five holes into that log.  The angst, anger, frustration, of not being able to control heartache, disease, death, loss, is thought about as we realize we can control the drilling, the accuracy of the circle we are drawing slowly and deliberately into that piece of Oak.  The mind flutters and merges with the Oak.  The Oak has survived much pain, much loss, dropped the dead weight that was dragging it down; so that it could grow....we thanked that Oak tree for the gift of the log.  It is grateful to be able to give to us the gift; for everything is useable.  Everything is transformative. 

Five holes were made.  One for Air, one for Fire, one for Water, one for Earth, and one for Spirit. The Gold candles which were chosen carefully are placed within the log.  I, the Priestess think on the story of how ISIS, my Goddess, took a baby and ran him through the flames of a fire over and over to purify him...just as gold is refined removing the dross.  I know that she will refine us like Gold.  I know that Spirit will come and make us see; that this is part of the cycle of life.  It is not all happy and light, it is not all laughter....but it asks me to FOCUS ON THE GOOD!"

When I am looking at everything I have a choice on what to dwell on.  I can dwell on the sorrow, or I can dwell on the relief and happiness and joy.  I can choose to focus on the loss of a income or to focus on the fact that I have food, a roof over my head, a heater, clothing, a bed, a wonderful family.  I can choose to let people who have hurt me make me bitter, or I can choose to focus on the people who love me no matter what and make me whole; and a better person.  I can choose, to let negative energy focused on me bring me down; or I can choose to filter it and use it in a way that promotes and propels the community in a new direction.  CHOICE. I have CHOICE.  I am not powerless. I am POWERFUL.  I am never Limited.  I am LIMITLESS.

I look at the old discarded dead Oak branch that we have now decorated with boughs of greenery, holly, ribbons, golden decorations, gilded ribbons, and have crowned with oiled beautiful golden candles.  I guess you can "make Beauty out of Shite"  even though I have heard here in the South you cannot.  My community has.  My family has.  My friends have.  I have. 

THIS is the lesson of Dark and Light.  This is the lesson of Death and Life.  This is the lesson of Joy and Sorrow.  This is the Ankh. 

Tonight we will all embrace a NEW YEAR, start with a CLEAN Slate, and begin a new.  Let us all remember life is not about Winning, or Losing.  It is about Choices.  It is not just a Journey; it is an Adventure.  It is a privilege.  YAY for all of us who have made it to 2014! I just know this is going to be our year!

Thank you all for another year, and the gift of your time.  May you be like the Phoenix rising from the Ashes, and may you RELISH and EMBRACE a LUST for LIFE!

Are Pagan's Thankful at Thanksgiving too?

It's the holiday season for most Christians. Personally even though I am a Pagan I find this time of year to be wonderful because everyone is nicer no matter what faith they are. Thanksgiving is a holiday celebrating our coming to this new land and finding our new freedoms. I, for one, have a lot of things to be thankful for. Most people do; and yes that includes Pagans.

 I love Thanksgiving it is one of my favorite holidays. I love to cook! Anyone who knows me can attest to this. Since I am a Kitchen Witch cooking is a big part of everything I do. It is a major way I show love to people. The saying that feeding someone is the best gift wasn't a lie. To spend time thinking of someone and preparing nourishment for them is a big deal. I wanted to share with everyone some of the recipes that I have that have been passed down to me from my Grandmother that I love to cook for this time of the year.

Oyster Dressing:

Two cans of Oysters chopped up

One stalk of celery chopped finely

Five cloves of Garlic chopped finely

Two sticks of butter melted

One loaf of bread cubed

One onion chopped finely

Saute the celery, onion, garlic until translucent pour over the cubed bread and oysters and mix well. Then transfer is into a turkey or bake in a dish and enjoy!!!

Jenn's Roast Turkey:

I use the biggest Turkey I can find because usually I am feeding a ton of people( seriously more than I can count)

Make sure your turkey is thawed out and then run your hand under the skin of the turkey to separate it from the meat.

Mix together 1tblspn each

rosemary

basil

garlic

celery salt

Cajun seasoning

black pepper

butter softened 1 stick

Take this mixture and rub under the skin of the turkey rub down the skin of the turkey. Slice up an orange and stick under the skin as well and in the cavity.Rub down the skin of the turkey with melted butter. Cover with foil and bake at 350 degrees. Every hour check the turkey and bast with the drippings from the pan.

Jenn's Gravy:

Take half a stick of butter melt in a sauce pan and add about a 1/4 cup of flour mix around and cok for a couple minutes. Then add to it the drippings from the turkey pan slowly as to make sure you do not make the gravy to watery you can always make it thinner but it is hard to thicken it back up without making it lumpy. I sugest adding the liquid about a cup at atime stirring with a whisk the entire time. add salt and pepper to taste.

Apple Pie

Everyone has a recipe for apple pie!

4 apples cored and sliced thinly

1 cup of sugar

1/4 cup of brown sugar

1 tbsp cinnamon

1 tsp vanilla extract

crust

1 bag vanilla wafers crushed finely

1 stick melted butter

Mix wafers and butter and press into the pan and bake till golden at 350 degrees

mix sliced apples and sugars and vanilla extract pour into the crust and bake for about 45 minutes let cool for a little while to let the pectin set up in the pie then serve with vanilla ice cream

Garlic mashed potatoes

NOTE:  You will need 2 potatoes for every person you are cooking for peel and cubed and boiled till soft 8 cloves of roasted garlic smashed; mash the potatoes and garlic with 1 stick of butter and about 1/2 cup of milk add salt and black pepper to taste.

  I hope that you all enjoy these recipes with your loved ones and talk about all the things you are thankful for with your family. Enjoy, and HAPPY Pagan Thanksgiving! 

Jenn Kitchen Witch TSG-ATC 

Jenn Kahn is the "Queen Kitchen Witch" at the Temple of the Sacred Gift, Atc. A first degree student, maiden at the Temple, and understands that she is priestess and Goddess while walking an Egyptian Path.  She also is an accomplished seamstress, makes specialty cakes, a fabulous belly dancer, decorator, and plays viola.  While doing all of these other interesting accomplished things she still manages to have a career in the mundane world, and raise three healthy beautiful pagan children. 

The Sabbat before Samhain.....by Julie Jeznach

Mabon. Second Harvest. Pagan Thanksgiviing. That Sabbat before Samhain.

In the South autumn is not yet in full swing at Mabon. We might have seen a slight drop in temperatures or realized that Hallothanksmas is in full swing at the local craft or drugstore, but that special feeling of fall just hasn’t arrived yet. The tomato vines are full and the leaves are firmly attached to their branches and the Green Man is still virile. The last physical harvest is still pending.

 As southern urban pagans our daily connections to nature are climate controlled or covered in asphalt. We must seek out experiences with nature instead of being pulled into the flow.  External and retail oriented indications of the seasonal change inspire hurry and a sense of impending need. It is easy to get caught up in the anticipation of Samhain, Halloween, Yule, and Christmas (as many pagans celebrate both our religious holidays and secular ones with extended family)

How do we connect back to the Wheel turning without the seasonal cues of those in more northernly climates? Remember that there is magic and beauty in the ordinary.  As the temperatures slowly dip below 90 at sunset and twilight begins to arrive just after supper instead of at bedtime, reserve time to step outside and listen to the music of the tree frogs singing. The late blooming crepe myrtles have offered up their blossoms but there is also beauty in the rich green of plants past the flowering stage.

Plan a trip to a local farmer’s market and head to the stalls still selling the last of the tomatoes, pole beans, okra, peppers and peaches, the rewards of a longer growing season.  This is the beginning of pumpkin flavored everything in retail but there is time for that, the last harvests of summer are still waiting to be savored or canned.

Though our weather may not have caught up, Mabon is an equinox and a time of balance between the light and the dark.  It is in this time of between we find our connections to Mabon and our harvests that are the culmination of the things we have spent our time and effort on; our intellectual and financial harvests as well.  Set aside time to plan for the the coming short days and long night, create a space in your home for reading or crafting or other activities that feed your spirit through the Dark of the year. Start a journal or scrapbook to reflect on the gifts of what you have harvested through the spring and summer, family outings and vacations and summer games.

As urban pagans our lives are no longer dependent on the cycles of the growing season but our spirits remain tied to the cycle of Light and Dark. Set aside this time as the days begin to shorten to gather the gifts of the Light and know you have the harvest of strength, courage, and wisdom to step into the next cycle of the wheel.

Julie Jeznach is a Mother, student, and practitioner of an eclectic Wiccan life. She has been studying Wicca and Paganism for 31 years while pursuing varied careers and raising her children.  Julie is currently a second degree student and Maiden with Temple of the Sacred Gift and a talented tarot reader. She is skilled in fiber arts and jewelry making and channels her inner magpie collecting gemstones, yarns, and various small “pretty things.” She loves recipes both delicious and magical. Julie shares her home with her two wonderful children, a cranky orange tabby, and a loving border collie that keeps things running smoothly.