Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Burning away the old, to erect the new

I have had a Heck of a Year!  I am pretty sure you all have too.  These past few weeks, like many of you I find myself looking back to see what was accomplished and to take the time to float, dwell, dip into those memories that made the year potent.

 Some of these were:  My son turning 3 and his wonderful birthday party.  Spending time with the Southern Delta Wicca Clan.  Spending time with my friends Bella and Joanna.  Loving moments with my husband. Traveling to Pagan Unity Festival and sharing the Sacraments of the Gods with Pagans, and having the privilege to share what I had learned in the form of Workshops.  Traveling to Gathering of theTribes doing a HUGE main ritual, and teaching several workshops, and getting to sit on a Board to help people that are wanting to "start up" new Wiccan organizations.  Moving from one small Temple worship building; to another larger Temple worship space and converting it together with others for the Gods.  Cultivating friendships with people in my immediate circle and community that will last forever!

I am not ignoring the bad (I despise this word it is not adequate as an adjective):  criticisms, complaints, harassment, threats, slander, lies,arguments, heart-break,  helping people I love with diseases, cancer, visiting hospitals,  crossing overs, crying nights, lonely desolation, and hands tossed up in the air.  I just realize that the BOTH make a hearty brew of the year 2013.

On our path, there is no light without dark.  On our path, learning how to direct the "dark" within yourself  and that is outside of yourself (yep you cannot control this) into a productive activity, project, or life lesson is the challenge. 

"We take the yule log and we pour into it all we have suffered...everything.  We take the time to let the weight and darkness come into us and the tears fall.  I have bathed my Gods and Goddesses in those tears.  We let the pain rip through us until we can bear it no longer....the agony, the heart that feels that it will never be healed.  Then we drill five holes into that log.  The angst, anger, frustration, of not being able to control heartache, disease, death, loss, is thought about as we realize we can control the drilling, the accuracy of the circle we are drawing slowly and deliberately into that piece of Oak.  The mind flutters and merges with the Oak.  The Oak has survived much pain, much loss, dropped the dead weight that was dragging it down; so that it could grow....we thanked that Oak tree for the gift of the log.  It is grateful to be able to give to us the gift; for everything is useable.  Everything is transformative. 

Five holes were made.  One for Air, one for Fire, one for Water, one for Earth, and one for Spirit. The Gold candles which were chosen carefully are placed within the log.  I, the Priestess think on the story of how ISIS, my Goddess, took a baby and ran him through the flames of a fire over and over to purify him...just as gold is refined removing the dross.  I know that she will refine us like Gold.  I know that Spirit will come and make us see; that this is part of the cycle of life.  It is not all happy and light, it is not all laughter....but it asks me to FOCUS ON THE GOOD!"

When I am looking at everything I have a choice on what to dwell on.  I can dwell on the sorrow, or I can dwell on the relief and happiness and joy.  I can choose to focus on the loss of a income or to focus on the fact that I have food, a roof over my head, a heater, clothing, a bed, a wonderful family.  I can choose to let people who have hurt me make me bitter, or I can choose to focus on the people who love me no matter what and make me whole; and a better person.  I can choose, to let negative energy focused on me bring me down; or I can choose to filter it and use it in a way that promotes and propels the community in a new direction.  CHOICE. I have CHOICE.  I am not powerless. I am POWERFUL.  I am never Limited.  I am LIMITLESS.

I look at the old discarded dead Oak branch that we have now decorated with boughs of greenery, holly, ribbons, golden decorations, gilded ribbons, and have crowned with oiled beautiful golden candles.  I guess you can "make Beauty out of Shite"  even though I have heard here in the South you cannot.  My community has.  My family has.  My friends have.  I have. 

THIS is the lesson of Dark and Light.  This is the lesson of Death and Life.  This is the lesson of Joy and Sorrow.  This is the Ankh. 

Tonight we will all embrace a NEW YEAR, start with a CLEAN Slate, and begin a new.  Let us all remember life is not about Winning, or Losing.  It is about Choices.  It is not just a Journey; it is an Adventure.  It is a privilege.  YAY for all of us who have made it to 2014! I just know this is going to be our year!

Thank you all for another year, and the gift of your time.  May you be like the Phoenix rising from the Ashes, and may you RELISH and EMBRACE a LUST for LIFE!

Friday, December 13, 2013

Looking at the Season through the Eyes of a Child...

This morning, I did the usual thing I have to do every three months.  I removed my old contact lenses; and put new fresh ones in.  While I was busy throwing away the old ones and preparing my eyes for the new ones I realized that this was a wonderful Spiritual Analogy.  Especially since the Holidays are upon us and at times it is SOOOOO hard for we Adults to get all "jazzed" about something that is "old hat" and very "expensive" to us.

However, having four children, and four grandchildren has kept me not just frugal but seeing this season every year anew.  My kids all love Holiday songs, they do not care if it is Christian, Pagan, World Music, Classical, Indie Pop, they just love the Winter Holiday songs.  They sing Jingle bells, and Have yourself a merry little Christmas, just as quick as Rudolph.  They love candles, and stars, and elves, and snow men, and nativity scenes, and Santa Claus.  Of course they do, you could say, because they do not realize how much money goes into the season or how "commercialized" it is.  BUT you know what?  I do not believe that.

Children, love peppy songs and songs that are happy!  There is hardly any Sad song played during the Holidays even the Love songs say...well you ditched me last year, but this year I did better!  This holiday is one where we all shift to what we can do for others and seeing the POSITIVE in everything.  My children and grandchildren do not get alot of material possessions during the season, we do not watch commercial Television here; so they are not "caught up" in the materialism but they do understand that this season is one to ask..."for their hearts desire" cause' Santa/the Christmas Witch/Holly King some MAGICAL being is going to bring them a present that they could not get any other way than to ask for it.

Look at the faces of Children when they go places during the Holidays, my toddler boy Cayden points out the lights everywhere, and the decorations in people's yards, and he even notices how it "smells different" he says.  I took a whiff the other day and realized he is right, Pine, Peppermint, Chocolate, and human sweat are all mixed together during this season but maybe we should bottle that smell and wear it all year long so that we are more giving, and see the world through the eyes of a CHILD.

If we saw the world what would we see?  That is what I find myself asking today...I know I would have more hope, and believe in the innate good in people more...but what else could I see through the eyes of a child?  THIS week, I am going to ask my Goddess and God to help me see the world like a Child does, every part of it...and I am going to laugh louder, smile wider, and be more open to the possibilities around the corner.

When I get up on December 21st YULE morning for us, I think I am going to run in there and slide down the hall in my sock feet and have an expression of wonder on my face and clap my hands!  What will you do differently this Season?  How would your perspective change and what newness would you feel if you put in "NEW EYES" and saw this world from the Eyes of a Child?

Happy Holidays Ya'll! 

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Hoppy Holly Daze !!!

I believe that we Pagans are becoming dogmatic.  I know this, because I am one.  When I was a younger “Seeker” I had no problem reading anything from the “Four Agreements” to the “Book of Thomas”  I practiced Angel Magick, to reading about “brahma” but once it was evident I was going to start and maintain my own coven…I let “what others thought Pagan was” and “what I was told and taught Pagan was” influence the direction of my coven.  Then after years of reading only "Pagan/Wiccan" books I forgot about my original heart song.

Now, I would like to think that I was such a strong spiritual leader that it did not matter what others thought or would say about my practices but that would not be true.  I was so young that it was important to me that my teacher patted me on the head and told me I was doing great and that the people coming to me were focused and directed only on Witchcraft, or Wicca.  I am not stating that she stated that I could not do these things; I just felt a "Wicca/Witchy" peer pressure not to be X.

Being, an easily bored curious sort I let my own spare time go to practicing and dabbling and reading whatever I wanted but sharing that with people in the coven did not happen….I was “scared” they would think I was too “fluff bunny” too “white light” and so I continued on teaching only God, Goddess, and the five elements because it was expected; and traditional.  It did not matter that the Wiccan Rede did seem to believe in Universalism…”All Gods or Goddesses are just the face of one God/Goddess; or that all paths or just different roads leading to the same destination.”  Any time, I tried to explore that option with others that had come to the craft it was shut down if it seemed “too Christian, too New Age, too fluff bunny”. (Fluff bunny in the Craft is a derogatory term used to make people feel bad about their path and themselves because they would never cast against another and they concentrate on light work ) Ps. I am what you would call a White Lighter or Fluff bunny....:)

After, ten or more years of this if any of these paths were presented to me or people I had a “wall up”  I had gotten so used to “not listening” or “considering it an option” I was closed off.  Several years ago, after we started the Temple (A legal Wiccan Church) I had a seeker say to me…”he had thought to tell me he was going to dedicate his life to Jesus…” just to see what I would say.  He laughed; I stopped and wondered…Why and when did it happen that I had become so rigid?  I asked the question, but I had no answer right then.  Then, the hundreds of invitations came in inviting me to go to Christian Churches, and I naturally assumed they wanted “to convert” me since I had founded a Wiccan Church.  This made me resistant; but in truth I could “claim busy” and point out to them…I did not “invite them to my church their pastors, so why invite me?”.  

This theory is true, and the logic very astute if you are looking for conflict and being very defensive but it did not lead me to where I was headed; or where my Goddess wanted me to go…so she gently nudged further.  Another student (a few years later), asked if Jesus was a valid option to worship as a Pagan God.  I found myself saying….”Yes, that is a valid option…why not?  Tell me why you see him that way…”  Voila!  I opened.  A few months later, we had to do a Baby blessing, and it became clear the person involved wanted something unique…to present their child to all spiritual paths.  Jesus, came a calling.

Sonya, why are you so angry at me?  he asked.  My heart hurt, I thought of all the bad experiences I had felt and experienced as a child, as a junior high student, as a high school student at the hands of a Christian Church and School.  “ What did I have to do with any of that he asked?”  "You didn’t" I had to say.  So, I let it go, I cried, and I felt the love and comfort of that Deity.  I thought of how I had sung so many times as a young person…”What a friend we have in Jesus” and how I had loved that song.  I realized I was not angry or hurt at Jesus at all; just hurt and angry at the humans that had been angry, mean, cruel, or judgmental to me.  The Baby blessing was fantastic, and I had made peace with Jesus and I had noticed he had not “judged me or preached I was going to hell”. (BTW he never has, to me)

Two more years have passed, and another Baby blessing rolled in…the Father was Christian the Mother Wiccan and so it seemed Jesus and Hekate would be called to bless the child.  Brian and I presented the Child to all paths; and there was not hesitation or tugging within me a beautiful ritual happened.  As we started that Circle, one of my Elders asked me what aspect of the Goddess I would call in…I stopped and asked Spirit, who would you like to come?  Hagia Sophia it said, and so I said…I am Hagia Sophia.  I have had rapid visions of her lately, the Queen in Red with Angel Wings.  I am devouring all of her words, any mention of her,  and of course the connection with Isis is obvious. But then, Isis does have 10,000 names and faces.

I panicked after a month of this obsession realizing that I was walking into deep Spiritual mysticism, and Gnosticism I asked advice from fellow Clergy because once again I seemed to “need and want” peer support.  Luckily for me, I am surrounded with ATC Elders that encourage me to go and find, learn, search and grow; apparently I had not “grown” enough to not need that support.   It was interesting and refreshing to note that at this age I had enough backbone to be honest; and to freely share my fork in the road.  It panicked me, all my life I had been hardcore Witch/Pagan/Wiccan and now it seems...I am Wiccan.  I am a Wiccan being led to explore the other paths and see how they merge with what I already knew.

I want to apologize for my former resistance and rigidity.  I had become dogmatic and not willing to consider any other option.  I helped create a spiritual environment that was "not truthfully exploring all options".  I had become hypocritical saying all paths lead to the same destination but letting excuses and "feelings from my past" hold me back as a spiritual leader.  I see that now, but I cannot fix the past only remedy the future.  No excuses just truth.  

I do not want the future of any Spiritual community to be "closed off" especially one as cool as Paganism/Wicca.  I would like to share openly and peacefully with other faiths like I do in my mind but in the physical planes, and truthfully live in a world where we all share our ideas and learn from each other.  I am (with the help of many others) taking big step to get there and tearing down all defenses and walls that I have erected to place myself in such a "neat Wiccan/Pagan box". Of course, we might want to start with ourselves by not labeling our own lightworkers as (practicing black magick, too fluff bunny, not good at magic, etc).

I still take offense to any path that does not see the “divine feminine” but those are not fighting words to me anymore.  We, as Wiccans/Pagans do not even hardly acknowledge the “divine masculine” we seem to shy away from it and are embarrassed of it at times (it’s our backlash at Christianity and the Patriarchy).  Maybe, if I start to take steps in this direction with all the other Temple members then we will be more than a ripple in the ocean?

I am still Wiccan and still Polytheistic and I know Wicca as a Spiritual Path has much to offer the Spiritual community, it is a system easily used to commune with any Angel/Guide/ face of God/ddess, it delights in the divine feminine.  It also has no issue of having Mary Magdeline and Anubis or Hekate and Jesus being called in to work together to dispense the Sacraments and share wisdom. That is what is wonderful about Spirit; it is showing us that we can all get “beyond” our boundaries…and live in a “time and space” beyond our human limitations. I love this path for this reason.
I have learned that love is the answer.  I have learned that if you pick up the sword you will die by the sword and that bitterness, anger, cruelty, anger and revenge are all things I struggle with but refuse to choose as my path.  I have learned that if you pick up a shield to defend yourself, you will have to fight because to defend is to fight.  I have learned that Love, and acceptance are more powerful energies than anything I have ever conceived and they can truthfully MOVE MOUNTAINS.  I am grateful that Jesus, Isis, Sophia, Sekhmet, Osiris all do not care what I call them but Humans do…and I have learned, that I cannot let others tell me what to believe, practice, or what is right for me. I have also learned to stop being so dogmatic, stubborn, rigid, and to stop judging and labeling others. 

So this HOLY season know this.  Whether you Pray to or resonate with the Holly King, Jesus, or Horus they are all the same to me; and I believe in your heart you know this too.  If you spend time dwelling with the virgin Mary, Isis, or Brigit it is all good because they are all Goddesses that are communing with us at this time of year.  This time of year is not about who is WRONG or who is RIGHT or who started this Holy Day first or who stole it from WHOM.  This time of year is about re-birth, re-newal, about a new clean slate being born for us and you. 

Thought for the Season:  What will you write on this new clean slate handed to you by Spirit?  What will you do with it?  I am not positively sure what I will do with it yet, but I know the first word I am going to write on it is Love, the Second is Acceptance (and yes that is for myself and for others).

Thank you for the Gift of your Time.....

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Are Pagan's Thankful at Thanksgiving too?

It's the holiday season for most Christians. Personally even though I am a Pagan I find this time of year to be wonderful because everyone is nicer no matter what faith they are. Thanksgiving is a holiday celebrating our coming to this new land and finding our new freedoms. I, for one, have a lot of things to be thankful for. Most people do; and yes that includes Pagans.

 I love Thanksgiving it is one of my favorite holidays. I love to cook! Anyone who knows me can attest to this. Since I am a Kitchen Witch cooking is a big part of everything I do. It is a major way I show love to people. The saying that feeding someone is the best gift wasn't a lie. To spend time thinking of someone and preparing nourishment for them is a big deal. I wanted to share with everyone some of the recipes that I have that have been passed down to me from my Grandmother that I love to cook for this time of the year.

Oyster Dressing:
Two cans of Oysters chopped up
One stalk of celery chopped finely
Five cloves of Garlic chopped finely
Two sticks of butter melted
One loaf of bread cubed
One onion chopped finely

Saute the celery, onion, garlic until translucent pour over the cubed bread and oysters and mix well. Then transfer is into a turkey or bake in a dish and enjoy!!!

Jenn's Roast Turkey:
I use the biggest Turkey I can find because usually I am feeding a ton of people( seriously more than I can count)
Make sure your turkey is thawed out and then run your hand under the skin of the turkey to separate it from the meat.
Mix together 1tblspn each
celery salt
Cajun seasoning
black pepper
butter softened 1 stick

Take this mixture and rub under the skin of the turkey rub down the skin of the turkey. Slice up an orange and stick under the skin as well and in the cavity.Rub down the skin of the turkey with melted butter. Cover with foil and bake at 350 degrees. Every hour check the turkey and bast with the drippings from the pan.

Jenn's Gravy:
Take half a stick of butter melt in a sauce pan and add about a 1/4 cup of flour mix around and cok for a couple minutes. Then add to it the drippings from the turkey pan slowly as to make sure you do not make the gravy to watery you can always make it thinner but it is hard to thicken it back up without making it lumpy. I sugest adding the liquid about a cup at atime stirring with a whisk the entire time. add salt and pepper to taste.

Apple Pie
Everyone has a recipe for apple pie!

4 apples cored and sliced thinly
1 cup of sugar
1/4 cup of brown sugar
1 tbsp cinnamon
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 bag vanilla wafers crushed finely
1 stick melted butter

Mix wafers and butter and press into the pan and bake till golden at 350 degrees
mix sliced apples and sugars and vanilla extract pour into the crust and bake for about 45 minutes let cool for a little while to let the pectin set up in the pie then serve with vanilla ice cream
Garlic mashed potatoes

NOTE:  You will need 2 potatoes for every person you are cooking for peel and cubed and boiled till soft 8 cloves of roasted garlic smashed; mash the potatoes and garlic with 1 stick of butter and about 1/2 cup of milk add salt and black pepper to taste.

  I hope that you all enjoy these recipes with your loved ones and talk about all the things you are thankful for with your family. Enjoy, and HAPPY Pagan Thanksgiving! 

Jenn Kitchen Witch TSG-ATC 

Jenn Kahn is the "Queen Kitchen Witch" at the Temple of the Sacred Gift, Atc. A first degree student, maiden at the Temple, and understands that she is priestess and Goddess while walking an Egyptian Path.  She also is an accomplished seamstress, makes specialty cakes, a fabulous belly dancer, decorator, and plays viola.  While doing all of these other interesting accomplished things she still manages to have a career in the mundane world, and raise three healthy beautiful pagan children. 

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Being Thankful for What’s on the Inside

 November has arrived and with it the season of Thanksgiving. Cultures around the world recognize and celebrate the harvest reconnecting them to ancient ways. In the United States the connection of Thanksgiving to the harvest festivals of old is not taught as part of the history and meaning of the holiday celebration. This is not surprising in a culture dominated by a religious group that strives to disconnect itself from anything that existed prior to its inception outside the history recorded in its holy text. I was taught that as an American I was to give thanks on this day in honor of the pilgrims befriending the Native Americans at Plymouth Rock and receiving their aid in surviving the harsh winter. The only connection to celebrating the harvest was the poorly documented history of a feast celebration. I found the celebration left a bad taste in my mouth as I got older. I disliked celebrating this feast because of the resulting devastation of the Native Americans at the hands of the immigrating people from across the pond. It took me many years in my pagan path to realize that Thanksgiving was a twist of the harvest festivals I celebrated as Lughnasadh, Mabon, and Samhain. So here we are in the throngs of yet another harvest festival yet this time we also find ourselves in the midst of windershin spiraling. We have celebrated the grain harvest. We have celebrated the fruit harvest. And we have celebrated the livestock and soul harvest. So what are we to celebrate now?
We are taught that this celebration calls for us to be thankful for all that we have. As a pagan, I have celebrated my thankfulness for all that I have in my life three times over now. I learned that in conjunction to celebrating the grains, fruits, and meats each of the harvest festivals is a time to list all the things I am thankful for in my life and honor the blessings bestowed upon me by the gods. So as I watch the thanksgiving parade of Facebook posts each day describing one thing each of my family and friends are thankful for I find myself thinking I’ve already shown the gods my thankfulness for these things; family, extended family, friends, job, pets, health, home, etc. My list got longer and longer with each harvest festival but now at Thanksgiving I seem to have run out of things to give thanks for. That is when I realized I was working against the spin of universal energy. I noticed many of the posts and nearly all of the things on my list were external and I needed to be internally focused.

During this time of year, many pagans turn to self-reflection and shadow work. My shadow work, like many others I have talked with, involved looking within for negative aspects so that we may work on them in order to learn and grow. But I conjecture that not all shadow work must flow in this frightening manner.  A positive, thankful spin can help in addressing our shadows and keep us in the holiday spirit. This is also a great way to begin one’s shadow work for the winter months and show our thankfulness to the gods for their teachings over the previous year.  

In recent years I have begun to review my personal journal and think back to all things that I didn’t record. Like many, I start the year out making daily entries but within a few months those entries get further and further spread out. I look for situations that I either recorded something about myself that I learned or situations that now looking back I realize I could have reacted differently. I make a list of all the lessons about myself I have learned over the past year. Some of the things this year include not reacting in anger to someone else’s anger, state my beliefs and opinions in conversation in a manner that is not argumentative as if trying to force others to believe as I do, and do not give ultimatums I am not willing to live up to. These are but a few. Some of the lessons have appeared on previous years’ lists. Some of them may show up on next year’s list. I take note of lessons that repeat and those that do not. This year I plan to incorporate a small personal ritual. I will cast a circle and call to the gods. Light a pink candle for self love and acceptance, and a black candle for banishing. In the cauldron I shall burn incense made of 3 parts Frankincense, 2 parts Myrrh, and 1 part each of Mugwort, Rosemary, and Bay. I will have on my altar several slips of paper, a new journal, and a writing instrument. I will begin by lighting the candles, which will be anointed with my personal power oil and charged for their purpose. Next, I will write each lesson I have learned on a slip of paper; something like, “I reacted with violence when emotionally threatened.” The next step is to thank the gods for helping me to recognize and learn from this lesson. I will then banish my old habit by lighting it in the flame of the black candle and announce, “I banish my fault of violent reaction.” And throw it in to the cauldron to burn away. I follow this by focusing on the pink candle and allowing myself to recognize that I have learned and grown from the experience. I will thank the gods for my growth. Next, I will write in my new journal what I have learned, “I am thankful I have learned to think before I act especially when threatened emotionally.” I will continue in this manner with each lesson on my list. When I am finished I will again thank the gods and ask them to help me remember these lessons I have learned and to not make the same mistakes again. Of course this means that the gods may give me opportunities to show what I have learned. And I hope I live up to the experiences. I will ask the gods to bless my new journal. And lastly, I will dismiss the gods and close the circle.

One lesson that always seems to make my list is the poor recording of my experiences. The gods have given me an opportunity to begin anew this year by inspiring me and gifting me with the pleasure and honor of being a part of this blog. I do hope that in the coming years this lesson will be learned.

I thank you for your time in reading my article and hope that at least some of you have found it informative and inspirational.

Blessed Be.

Kevin Red Patrick
Kevin Red Patrick is a seeker at Temple of the Sacred Gift – ATC. Raised in Memphis, TN, and educated at the University of Mississippi. His pagan path began at the age of thirteen after understanding that his views of life, spirituality, and sexuality did not align with his Christian upbringing. He has followed an eclectic Wiccan path with strong Celtic influences for twenty-two years. Divine direction led him to TSG-ATC in December of 2012, where he is now receiving formal training with aspirations of becoming clergy. He now lives in Southaven, MS with his partner of thirteen years and two dogs.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Blow out the Candles and make a Wish....

Every year, I post on my Blog about what I have
learned and decided to "let go" from the previous year so that I can celebrate getting a year older and hopefully wiser.  It was really hard for me this year to post; I was busy being clergy visiting hospitals; and running to do handfasting rituals, keeping the Temple workshops flowing, and dealing with the day to day counseling that I have grown into doing.

This does not count, that I am a wife.  I love my husband and we have four children and four grandchildren.  Somehow, we try to make time for them also.  Yes, I have immediate family two brothers and nieces and nephews galore...and all of these people I am glad to say I care about too. 

A very best friend made my birthday cake this year, it was a Sugar Skull skeleton that was filled with eyeballs and truffles.  Bright Pink and white I smiled, for it was the color of friendship.  One eye of the Skeleton had an eye missing...and while I felt love looking at the cake; I could not help but ponder the significance of that one empty eye socket.

Every year, I walk some of my students through a Odin ritual.  In this ritual they come to understand that they cannot "gain wisdom and understanding" without suffering and sacrifice.  It is not the kind of suffering and sacrifice that we deal with day to day but the kind the god ODIN agreed too.  He wanted the gift of wisdom, and to get that he had to "willingly sacrifice something" .  If you know this story, you realize Odin gives up his right eye; in exchange for one drink from this well.  Of course, Odin does this and because he does he gains the wisdom that he is seeking.

I do not ask my students to give me anything; I convey to them the idea that the Gods and Goddesses will ask you to willingly "sacrifice" something important to you for you to "gain something" much more important for the world you live in.  The key, I remind them, is to realize you must "willingly do it".  The ritual is over...hopefully they understand.

I look at the beautifully wrought cake, my buddy has made out of the love of her heart for me.  I gaze at the eyeballs laying all about it and notice once again the empty socket.  I see the convergence of what I have shared with others, and what I am being asked to do.  I lean forward, and joyfully agree...."Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Sonya...Happy birthday to you....Now blow out the candles!!!" I hear everyone yell gleefully.  I close my eyes.

I blow out every last candle, and there were many to blow out and not one missed.  Thank you, I say to Isis; and yes I agree to whatever it is I must do for the gift that you would like me to have.

I have given up, any outside dreams of traveling the rounds as a celebrity stylist; or futher developing pinup hairstyles with photographers I adore.  I gave up the idea of being a gypsy and touring forever with one band or another playing for whatever I could pull together.  I gave up the idea of being single and traveling the world in the second phase of my life after my eldest son went to college. I gave up the dream of being a professor.  I gave up moving out of Memphis, Tennessee, and decided to stay and help the Gods and Goddesses and Spirits of this city with whatever they asked me to do.  I have given up most of my spare time, and any hobbies.  I have given up hair appointments, nail appointments, facials, massages, and extra special things like faster cell phones to serve.  You would have thought; that there was nothing else I could give up...but then there is my right eye!

I hope this doesn't seem negative because at the age of 43 I am calm; and smile and laugh to myself.  Whatever it is I am asked to give up, or do at this point in my life...I am there.  I understand that I do not truly understand.  I know that I know nothing.  I see that I really do not see.  I comprehend that feelings are not always reliable.  I know that if I died I understand what my eulogy would probably be; and what songs I would like sung and whom would be there...and I am at peace with that.

I was told once, that there is a warehouse and in it is a door that stores every imagined "treasure" that you could want in your possible human life.  These things are dispersed to us as we need them or ask for them.  However, it seems (I was told) that many of us will not collect or even get a chance to glimpse our true horde the Divine wants to give us because we are not listening; because we do not ask.

I blew out all of those candles, and everyone asked "What did you wish for?"  I wished for that " key to the treasure that the is on it's way to me" I said.  They all laughed not understanding the reference or getting my meaning. 

Today, I found a key in the parking lot of the hospital before we got in our car to leave visiting our member that is "under the weather".  I almost missed that key, being so busy thinking of all the things I had to do today; and all the things that had to be accomplished for the week.  BUT I did not miss it! 

Spirit, has a way of responding to us if only we listen....if only we look...if only we pay attention.  It is trying to interact, and co-create with us, and would love to give us all we think we need and want and more. 

It has been another year.  Maybe next year, I will be wiser because I got a key....and I gave up my "right eye" to drink from a well. 

Thank you for the gift of your time!  Please remember, if you do not ask; then get out of the way...you will never be able to receive.  This is what I have learned this past year; and after three years of persistently blogging to you all....I want to thank you for still reading, and sharing and even CARING about my opinion.  Thank you