She was as quiet as the raindrops hitting a tin roof....

I haven't spoken to you all in a while.  I did not know what to say.  I felt whatever I said it would be read under a microscope, picked at, scraped at, and possibly misconstrued.  Then I realized, sometimes silence is okay; but being "scared to be judged" is not.  Let us all be honest here, you would think with me being Clergy of a Wiccan Church I would expect to be judged, and scraped over the coals.  You do and that is by the Christians usually, or people that just really ""have no idea" what Wiccan/Witch/Pagan is; BUT you do not expect fellow Pagans to do the same; but they will.  What sets an Elder Clergy apart from a "pretty new only four year Clergy" apart is the attitude.  They have all been burned, and hurt and threatened at many points and probably continually but their hides are thick and their shields even thicker and they have been there and done that and realize that you "cannot please everyone" and that "someone has to do the work". Yet, they still love and have compassion and take chances on new people every day!

By the way, believe it or not, Pagan Clergy is a fastly growing phenomenon in the South.  Especially in the ATC (Aquarian Tabernacle Church) which we are an affiliate of.  It is not that I lacked training, my local elders gave me classes.  My Midsouth elders heaped more classes on me, I have read more than twenty books on it and I am constantly increasing my library to be better at it; but in reality there is NO real preparation that can happen to prepare you for the transition from Highpriestess of a coven to Clergy of a Temple.  You have to get that the "old fashioned" way my Elders did through trials by fire.

Let it be stated at this vantage, that the Elders here in the Midsouth/South  are the best I have ever met.  They have stamina, they have passion, their magick is incredible, their wisdom deep, and their love and acceptance for the new Clergy makes one feel right at home.  When you hurt, they listen and they will pat your back from time to time but the best thing they do for me is push me and prod me and make me jump back in there and believe in the "work" even when I do not "mentally" feel it.  In fact, they have taught me that "following the will of the Gods is paramount" and that to "serve others" and "share the sacraments of the Gods" with others my real calling.  I felt the call, I was naturally a driven person but for some reason we people that want to "give and share with others" seem to think we can please everyone.  I am one of those people; and guess what I cannot.

I share this with you because I want you to understand that Pagan Clergy are not super human, we have frailties and flaws and we learn from our mistakes just like everyone else.  Sure we know a few things, maybe a lot of knowledge, but what makes a great Clergy seems to be time, consistency, and love oh my Goddess the love just pouring through you like an invocation that never stops...."Isis, please use me today.  Isis please help me be better.  Isis, please help me listen with your ears.  Isis, please as I walk your path may I be considerate to others.  Isis, show me how to help my community."   Then one day you realize it is this constant "nagging" that shows you are insecure, sure you want to serve but you don't exactly know how to do that and so you have to come and "trust" a power higher than yourself to walk you through it.  You are constantly improvising; gathering knowledge as you go understanding that every case is different and every situation new and unfolding.

I thought I was a horrible candidate for clergy five years ago.  I probably was, but my Elders saw something in me (just like my Gods did) that I never could see.  It might have been my determination, or my passion for my Gods but they have held up a mirror to show me parts of my self and have taught me to love all of them even the "darker ones". Through this, I have come to accept "dark and light" in Sonya and have come to see that it all works as balance and counter balance and that all of my skills that are called into play are "light and dark" at times.  All of life is not happy...in our circles we point out that life is where "joy and sorrow, pain and happiness all come together and meet making one energy".  How funny I could say that line for more than five years, and yet until recently could not apply it to myself.

 We women had gathered for a healing circle.  Beside me were two mighty sisters and Crones, next to me a sister I have come to love more and more; the energy was being raised for healing. We all intoned wordlessly together and there in that circle patterns and harmonies and melodies arose!  Each woman singing her own natural tone, her own natural rhythmn and it was beautiful to hear!  As the energy wound down I looked over and saw one of my own community sisters crying; her pain was so fresh it hurt me to watch.  Without thought, I ran to her and put her in my arms and held her head to my shoulder and rocker her until she was calm and okay.  We toned a sorrow howl together for a moment, it was just her and me though all those women were still singing.  

RIGHT THEN I remembered telling an Elder Clergy I would never be that kind of woman, the kind that babied people and held them while they cried; I did not see that I was capable of it; but that woman had evolved and she had embraced change and sorrow and joy and happiness...and there Me and she was and I KNEW.  I was going to be good at this job!  Hell, I might already be good!  

I could credit all the Ministers who coddled me and fed my spirit (White, Black, Christian, Catholic, Presbyterian, UU, Episcopalean, Pagan Female, Male).  I can point out journeys, or insights I have had from my Gods that verify this path for me....but none of that has mattered until that "moment" a few weeks ago.

So if you don't like this post; ignore it.  It is okay, NO ONE is for everybody!  However, if you can relate and this post resonates with you...pass it on.  It is important (I think) for people to realize Pagan Clergy are human, and we learn together as the WHOLE community grows (and if you are pagan that means you!).  I am so grateful and so very happy that this is my path, and that I have the opportunity to share that joy with so many of you!

THIS week...remember that all of you is Sacred even the parts you do not like.  Remember that all of you is necessary there is only ONE you and you are the most unique wonderful you ever!

As always...thank you for the gift of your time.

I found myself, now what do I do with her?

It takes silence to listen to the Gods.  There are many layers of existence that are going on at the same time on so many different dimensions; but if you focus and you ignore or get "past" the everyday sounds of non silence (like TV's blaring, the sound of yourself typing, the sounds of trains on the railroad tracks, or cars driving down the road, or airplanes zooming over head).  If you can tune out all of that then you can hear what is really going on.  Especially in the mornings when you have not had time to cut on your "chatterbox" that is rattling what you have to do for the day, week, month in your head.  You know that voice that immediately reminds you of the laundry you have to put in the washer, or fill the coffee pot, or pack your lunch, or what you are going to wear that day...?  Yeah, that voice. 

 If you get up before that voice is "awake"  then you can hear the Universe........

The sun rises slowly in the east illuminating the sky with white light.  It's beams circle like halos on the earth, and you very easily can reach out and drink in its perpetual light; lighting up your stomach with the light of the sun, sending it down to your pelvis, further down your calves, into your feet, your toes spread sending it down into the earth that you feel yourself connecting too.  You hear that?  That is the beat of the Earth God Geb below you .  Yep, that's right!  The sun energy you sent him made you connected to him.  Beat, beat...Bump, Bump....Beat, Beat,.....Bump, Bump.

You sit there swaying to the energy of the Planet Earth's heart beat until you feel it feeding you.  It pushes you up and back...You need a quick breath.  In hale!  That is Shu...(Say it like Shuuuuu), yep say his name outlide and let it roll of your tongue...SHEWWW.  Feel his light blue light filling you up, entering through your mouth, coating your tongue, tickling your throat, going to your chest and swirling around there.  Blue light blue....Send that swirling energy down to your navel, further down into your pelvis, let it trickle down your thighs and then creep into your calves, rushing down into your feet...spreading your toes and planting you firm.  

Look up.  Notice the beautiful blue sky stretching over you and the clouds chasing each other.  That's Nut (pronounced Newt) Say it...NUUUUUT!  That is your big atmospheric Mama protecting you!  Isn't she just beautiful! Yep, you do live in a bubble and that Bubble is cradling you and protecting you!  Doesn't it feel nice to know you are that loved and taken care of? 

 Breathe in the Shu, Sway to the heartbeat of Geb, Look up at Nut and Feel that you are loved.

Feel the bright sunshine prickling your skin.  Notice its warmth; let it enter into every pour of your being.  Notice that it is illuminating you and that for a moment our vision is smeared like Vaseline on a window pane.  That is Ra, Grandfather Ra.  Say Thank you Ra, for that insight today. (Hear yourself saying those words and notice how heartfelt they are and how happy you are right now!)

Now go on get inside and get ready for whatever your day is unfolding to be.  Prepare in joy, let your pace be the same as the universes, may you flow and understand that you are so loved; and truly truly a remarkable being...and while you are driving to drop off your children at school, going to work, or just taking your dog for a walk; remember that heart beat, feel that sun flowing under your skin!  SMILE!  You are connected!

Thank you for the gift of your time! 

They are as happy as if they had good sense.

Yule passed.  The log was burned, gifts were exchanged and the new year of the Roman calendar slid in like a barge on the Mississippi river.  This past year has just been a blur.  I know many of you feel the same it seems as if I could hardly hold on to the Momentum pushing me.  I am here...I used to be there.

Brian (my hubby and highpriest) have experienced such large changes that I am surprised at times to still see him standing next to me smiling, and nodding.  I don't tell too many people this but I really most of the time cannot figure out why that man asked me to marry him in the first place. Goddess knows I tried my best to scared him off, and if I did not buck like I had a burr under my saddle for the first three years my name is not Sonya.  It seemed as if deep inside I really did not think I deserved a life partner, that if someone really saw the pace I ran my life on and dealt with all of my issues he/she would run to the hills screaming.  There had to be a reason why my parents weren't very nice or affectionate to me; and no man had really stuck around that long.  I was blighted, I was cursed, I was really just awful my shadow self said..and I accepted it; because there was nothing solid and hard to tell me any different here in the physical to prove otherwise.  Though it should be stated I had faith and hope I was wrong.

Heavens knows why immediately after we got married we decided to co-found a Wiccan/Pagan church together when we should have been honeymooning it up but Brian and I did just that.  Then, not very long into that venture we got pregnant and brought a new son into our newly found love and life that we were trying to construct.  When I was pregnant he was the perfect husband not just there but always loving me and making me feel super sexy (how he did that I will never know but he managed it).  When I stress over the bills of the Church getting paid, or the next years syllabus, or a ritual, or a member of the church that is having a difficult time...he is there.  He hugs me, and listens and guides me to my higher self.  Pointing out what I do right; never ever whipping me with what I do wrong because he knows that I am the harshest critic of myself..and that my parents did a superb job feeding my inner self with all kinds of criticisms that looped in my head constantly.

He has not circled what I needed to work on one time...NO not once.  Through his tireless quiet demeanor and love and admiration of me I have grown to become a gardener who eliminates those weeds of harshness and criticism of myself.  Once I was able to do that, I was able to be less harsh and critical of others...funny how it works that way huh?

 When people in the community outside were critical and harsh to me because I was a transplanted southerner he just held me closer and walked with me tighter never letting me think about "quitting or giving up" because he believed in me as a person, and in me as a highpriestess and the clergy I could become.  This is why I still look at him in amazement thinking, well damn he really does love me and always will walk by me. 

Brian and I struggled with "pre-conceived" gender roles in parenting, marriage, jobs, and as clergy.  I am more projective and pushy, Brian is really more receptive and nurturing.  I am more of a giver and giving to the point of hurting (sacrifice is part of my makeup) but Brian is more of a receiver thinker when it comes to giving he has taught me to choose more wisely and I have taught him how to give without thinking!  It is not over our partnership, or our marriage but now that we both realize we really are here to stay and have worked through some of the biggest hurdles we think most people get tripped up on; we both feel happier than a cat who ate the canary....and I find it has changed me!  Being Happier makes your jaws sore :))))))))

I posted these pictures today on my blog to remind us that the Goddess many of us worship is DARK and LIGHT.  Right now it seems so popular to say I am a DARK Pagan and not into Wicca that is too "light" for me.  OR I am a being of light I cannot stand "death, dark, and dead things" but we forget that our Goddess holds a sycthe in her hand, and is the face of death and life.  That the moon is DARK and LIGHT that its cycles go toward full and then toward void.  My Goddess is ISIS and yet she is the Wife and Co-ruler with Osiris the God of the Underworld (you think that's dark enough)? If not maybe the God Anubis (the Dark Lord, the Bone father, The Guardian of the Gates of Death, Psychopomp) seems a bit more your speed? I dedicated myself to him last year for a year and a day with my third degrees and he has taught me so much my head has not stopped spinning.

These Gods and my Goddess would not let me fly like a bird until I acknowledged, realized, and purged out of myself the deepest darkest fears and lies I had been telling to myself for years.  They did it by sending me a person (and it should be noted many other friends) to love me.  Until I could accept that FULL love that came to me where I was and elevated me to where I am I could not become better, or happier, or smile in the mirror truly SMILE at myself.

I am not a Practioner of only DARK magic.  I am not a practioner of only WHITE magic.  I worship the Dark and Light, the Sun and the Moon, I dance with life and with death.  I AM BALANCED and when I am not...one of the many Gods and Goddesses I worship will let me know how to fix it and address it; but it will not be Brian he will always look at me with pride in his eyes and a smile on his face. 

 This Blog post is dedicated to the person who has taught me more about life, love, magick, manhood, parenting, marriage, friendship, compassion, laughter, acceptance and the list goes on and on.  He is my Dark Lord and my Sun God; and I am as happy as a person with good sense!


 

We were riding a boat down on the River....

 NOW if you want to tell a Tall Tale down in my parts.  The line..."We were on a pontoon boat down on the Tennessee River," let's everyone know a really Big Tall Tale with adventure is about to begin.  Everyone in the room laughs, and grins and leaning forward in anticipation....waiting as the accent becomes thicker (for dramatic inflection of course) and the gestures become wider.  You know the person telling it is sharing something common and collective we all can relate too.  We all know someone that has a pontoon boat, probably grew up with a pontoon boat somewhere in our family...and we all have the experience of realizing that while it states clearly for everyone to see NO DRINKING AND DRIVING A BOAT everywhere on the river; that most of the funniest stories come from relatives, or you, or friends, or some dumb redneck abusing this law.

A pontoon boat is a small shell that really floats most of the time, it has an engine you use to get it from A to B and to move it faster and is usually used to fish on.  However, down south I have seen it used to pull people on inter tubes and knee boards and to even pull families of children(including second or third cousins) behind it.  We Southerners are known for inventive things like this that you know is going to end up on the Televisions of America under the File America's Funniest Home Videos; or on YouTube with a million hits.

Last night we all sat around on New Years eve sharing these stories about people getting so drunk they parked way up on the banks, or lost cell phones, or how our Uncles or Fathers made sure to be home by 4pm because they had to "make martini time".  You can look at this judgmentally or you can see it as it is which is a commentary on how common it is in the South (I cannot speak for every other region) to drink and drive and how for some reason we associate fishing with that sport of drinking with a huge cooler and it does not matter if you catch a fish but if you have a real good time.  People seem divided on this issue; but now that I am older and mellower I can just look at it and laugh and shake my head surprised we all lived through this time in our lives when we were being pulled on inter tubes by uncles that were cussing, raising hell, and drinking like fishes while whirligigging us down the river.

I realized today how apt the analogy is for our lives to some extent.  We are all on boats down the river.  Some of us are riding on intertubes with other people driving it.  Some of us are driving pontoons, some canoes, some house boats, some sail boats, some yachts, some barges, or paddle boats...but we are all on that river.  I have had people tell me," you just try to hard to paddle" or "you steer the boat too much"  you should just "go where the river takes you"....they might be right.  However, I tend to think that if you don't paddle or steer you might get stuck or beeched somewhere and that I would like to drive my own damn boat (thank you very much) and not get pulled around on a knee board for the rest of my life.  You can call that controlling or very astute depends on whether you are a glass "half full/half empty" kind of person.

So here we are all on boats, driving down or up a river all headed toward somewhere we either have plotted on a map or :just sense" in our gut.  You can always stop at a clearing and set up camp for a spell but at some point you do have to get back on that boat and travel the river because it does flow on, and you cannot remain stagnant.

 

 This year, I am acknowledging that I am on a big boat with my Co-founders in life and that my job might just be to read the map and point out that we "might want to take a right at the fork".  This year I am going to let the "pirates" who want to take my boat over know very clearly that it is not an option that they can have unless they are going to fight me for it because I do not lie down or cry surrender when it comes to my life.  This year I will not have people "looting me" or "pilfering through my stuff" or "borrowing" parts of my gear and identity...because they all have their own boat and have been given their own map if only they choose to use it and read it.  BUT IF you want to follow our boat, if you want to travel the same seas with us (because rivers lead to bigger bodies of water), if you want to come experience this wonderful adventure called life with me and know I am not going to "stop to shore for martini time" then you are more than welcome.  I am pleased to have the company.

Something to think about....What kind of boat are you riding down the river of life on?  Do you even have a boat or are you letting someone pull you through?  Are you the captain or co-captain that shares with your family members your boat?  What map are you reading?  Did you even know you had one?  What rules are you going to maintain this year on your boat and for your life?

Have a wonderful NEW YEAR this year!  THANK YOU once again for the Gift of your time! Please share in the comments below some answers to these questions if you do not mind....

"I'll stand on the ocean until I start sinkin'"

This year I cooked Thanksgiving dinner at my house.  Using a Kitchen that I did not design, buy or know.  It was my mother-in-laws kitchen.  Well loved by her and well used by her; but for me it was awkward, cramped, and finally I adjusted. 



This year has been a tough one.  My husband lost his mother, me my mother in law, all of our children a grandmother and that loss has been felt.  To make matters weirder we moved in her home which we inherited and we live here.  Yep, everytime Brian's children come to visit us they have to walk into this home where their grandmother just lived and now doesn't anymore. I find myself worried about how that makes them feel.  Does it even ever cross their mind?  When they look around the room does their inside voice say in their head to them "Here is where my grandmother put her Christmas tree, etc...and now I will never see it again."  I wish I could balm their pain, and ease their loss but instead I invited them over for Thanksgiving dinner.  Which is the way we Southern Mommies love their children.

Before I moved into the house I had it painted and completely transformed it with color so that when I walked into it I did not see Mamie everywhere.  My fellow goddesses called it "making the house my own".  I kept on telling myself people buy houses from other people, or move into houses where people have died just recently.  I know though the reason I agreed to move here is because it was something my husband wanted to do.  It was if as long as he could live in his mothers home it would comfort him somehow....and I was okay with that because if that is what he needed to get over his grief and to eventually help him with his loss then who am I to stand in his way?  My job as I saw it was to give him what he wanted, while trying to compromise and make it to where it did not seem so strained and more peaceful to me.

The Templites (this is what we call our community because we find it very positive) all gathered together to bless me on this new venture and gathered a beautiful basket, witchy kitchen towels, a bottle red wine, a loaf of bread, incense, pink salt, candles, and fresh herbs that I would need to bless my home.  I blessed our home, I swept out the negativity and asked each and every God and Goddess to please move into our home.  Constantly I stroke the walls and tell the home I love it and am so appreciative of its beauty. I have pruned and petted the pear tree and apple tree in the yard until they seem newly rejuvenated.  I built altars at the apple trees base, and in the middle of the pear tree there was a altar hole alread with a pre-faded fairy door and window.  I have laid out offerings to the land spirits.  I have made way for the fairies and am building them homes along with the brownies and gnomes that have made their presence known. 

I have visions of how the home will look, and have finally gotten the outside painted as beautiful as the interior with french vanilla and dark burgundy cherry shutters and door.  The front flower bed with unkept roses has been pruned, and offerings of coins, and corn, and beautiful stones have been lovingly places at the borders so that the God Geb will feel our gratitude; and know that we are happy!  Life is sunny! Life is prosperous!  Life is abundant!  Life is beautiful if only we create it and take the time to do the work making it so...

I invited some really good friends to join us for the dinner with our grown children in our new home that I am adjusting too.  The home filled with light, laughter, lots of stories, children played in the home.  Games were played.  Wine was enjoyed.  Desserts were divine. 

I looked at everyone laughing and smiling and I realized that if I really do direct the Movie of my life that I had led it in a new direction.  I was tired of feeling grief, feeling guilty, being awkward.  I had re-written my script.  I was in love with a handsome man who loved me back in a healthy way; had beautiful healthy children; smart, talented, witty friends; a beautiful home; a fulfilling paying job; and a full spiritual life.  I had people who loved me, encouraged me, and were loyal, I have Gods and Goddesses that are evidently working in my life.  I have many children (four) and several grandchildren now (three).  My life is full!  My life is beautiful!  Life is good!

This year was the first time I was the grandmother and the Crone of my family that took care of everyone.  I was the eldest female, and I had somehow or another stepped into my role relatively easy. I remember being the grandaughter that was a little girl sitting on the counter while my Mamaw made brownies.  I remember being the woman that went to her mothers not bringing a thing because she was so poor and in college.  I remember coming to Mamies (my mother in law) with just a dish or two trying to help her more and more as she got older.  Now I am in her role, and in my Moms role, and where my Mamaw was.  I am the Head of the female household here...the changing of the guard was inevitable it always is.

As I wash the dishes and place things in the dishwasher I marvel at the relative ease that I really pulled that big meal off with and how smoothly I did step into that role.  The turkey was moist, the stuffing good, the gravy warm not too cold...and I hear my inner maiden say "oh no we are grown up!"  "It's okay"  I say out loud to her to comfort her.  I have been preparing for this role my whole life and had no idea.  I am so glad I had the Mother, Mother in law, the Mamaw, who patiently showed me what I was supposed to do when they were gone.

"Thank you Ladies!"  I say aloud.  "Thank you Isis!"  I say to my Goddess.  "Thank you house and kitchen for working with me today."  I say to our new dwelling.

I listen with my mundane ears and my "unseen ones"...."You're welcome"  I hear the air vibrate back to me. 






  

Age is no barrier. It's a limitation you put on your mind.--Jackie Joyner-Kersee

I see my Mamaw Minnie alot walking around the town of Memphis, Tennessee.  Yesterday, a woman crossed the road in front of me in a grey sweatshirt, blue jeans, clogs, and a kerchief over her metal grey hair...I slowed down and came to a complete stop in my new car.  When she turned to look at me because she had finally noticed a car crossing the road, her blue eyes twinkled behind the cat-eyed old lady glasses she had on.  For a second, I saw my Mamaw.  I smiled and waved at the lady.  Then the face transformed to another elderly lady I had never seen before, but she waved at me with her gnarled hands and bright chapped red palms.  It was okay she wasn't really my Mamaw, but it was good to see her just for a minute.

Last night I went looking for her on the ley lines, the planes where we as Witches and Pagans travel.  A scene came forth...New York city, I was in a bus again.  I am sitting on the bus rocking back and forth with the speed of the vehicle looking out the window at the people mulling back and forth like ants going to their destination with packages, and umbrellas and coats slung over their hooked arms.  There in the middle of all that people traffic is a woman with iron grey hair and a bright yellow kerchief on her head.  She has on a polyester shirt with bright pink flowers on it and navy blue stripes that run down it vertically, the pearlescent buttons that are snap like twinkle in the fog, her faded blue denims and her busted out tennis shoes present pieces of flesh that peak out at me...Yes, it is my Mamaw.  

She waves at me, I wave back...then she takes off at a pace like a person gearing up for a race.  As she winds up she jogs, then she sprints, then she is faster than light and becomes a blur...she is ahead of the window at the bus.  The bus stops I get off.  She is waiting for me at the corner of the curb.  She has beautiful blue black hair, vivid red lipstick that almost is alarming, pale white shining skin, eyes so bright they seem unreal and blue as the ocean.  She grabs my hand and we walk together, saying nothing just swinging our arms and hands back and forth and humming like we did when she was flesh and blood.  I peacefully rub her young flesh hands, and hear her jingling laughter while marveling at her transformation and ripe youth. She winks at me, I stick my tongue out...and then I lean over and hug her and it smells like vanilla root, sage, and hyacinths.  

I wake.  She is still here.  Every time I see an older woman I see my grandmothers spirit within her, jumping out to remind me that she loves me.  I know she is never gone, and that she and I will have good times again.  I pray that one day when I am grey I will look in the mirror and see her smiling back at me.  Maybe I came to be so attached to my Mamaw so that I would be able to accept aging and the special beauty that comes with it.  She was the most active funny woman I have ever met. 

I did not celebrate my birthday this year.  No one celebrated it for me. I started to study the aspect of the Crone, and accept the possibility no the inevitability that I was in the throes of menopause and starting to not just "hear the call" but had her in my home.  I froze.  I clammed up.  I was living in the Nile and it was not the river...ha ha.

I go back to the ley lines, I see that old woman running at the speed of light and I realize that is the magic of the Crone.  You have to see beyond appearances and notice the details in the middle of the haze and confusion of "ant-like/worker bee" activities.  I am getting there.

Thank you for patiently waiting for me to have something I wanted to share with you all again...and for the gift of your time.  Happy Holly Days!

THIS week, take this quote to heart:  
The belief that youth is the happiest time of life is founded on a fallacy. The happiest person is the person who thinks the most interesting thoughts and we grow happier as we grow older.--William Lyon Phelps

"We are as fit as a fiddle and walked catewampus across the water..."

Just in case you did not know Me and mine here at the Temple just got interviewed by the local television station for starting a Wiccan Temple.  Now, I found this amusing because we founded it several years ago; but no one knew about us until we had a building in the main part of the city.  This was just fine with us for a bit, because we did not want people to know about us until we felt we had something to be proud of.   We did not go seeking the news people out, we were just fine where we were and I am going to admit I was very nervous when all the sudden that day arose that they were all calling us.  We were not prepared really, we had no "stock answers" (I had wanted to have those prepared and ready) but with a little will power, and keeping it positive what was said, and alot of the love from Isis and the Gods it seems that Memphis came off as loving its Wiccan Temple, and this ATC Temple does love itself some Memphis, TN. (Sekmet and Ptah rule this city)

The reason why I am mentioning all this is------ for the first time in my life the Popular media gave me and mine some Positive coverage and portrayed us as being open minded and loving and the other faiths in town as not being as much so.  I smiled, because this is really how most of us Pagans see them and for the first time it was if they (the Camera and Reporters) were showing the world our point of view and no one had a problem with it.  If anything, they thought...GOOD, these people are brave and want a place to worship!  That is the case you know, we are people that needed and wanted a place to worship and we gather together many times a week to do just that; but seriously we are no braver than you and yours.

Our Pagan/Wiccan/fellow Witches seemed to think we were clever hiding the fact we were really only a coven or coven stead; but we are not either of these things.  I find it frustrating that we as Wiccans/Pagans/Witches cannot seem to think beyond the box of Coven or Covenstead. You see we have so many people that are Pagan/Wiccan/Witch in Memphis a coven cannot possibly serve all their needs for socialization and learning (and I bet your town is the same).  The Temple of the Sacred Gift-ATC really does consistently serve 40 adults and almost 20 children on a regular attendance basis and we know if we had MORE space (we just signed the lease four months ago) that we would serve more people.  There are just that many of us in this city.

 None of the Clergy (all four of us licensed through the Aquarian Tabernacle Church) want a coven, we have all run covens for years and years or been in them.  We outgrew covens and the numbers were too large for anything else...we wanted a building with air conditioning, indoor plumbing, heat, a place to gather our tribes for activities with more than picnic tables or the ground to sit on.  We wanted something to leave behind to our Children and the future Neo-Wiccan-Pagans coming behind us.  We were tired of saying, "may we leave the path better" and doing nothing material to make that happen.  So we did it; and I am hoping this article will inspire you to do the same.

Now I do not think that there are more Pagans/Wiccans/Witches in this city that in your own home town proportionately.  We are no exception if anything we felt/and still feel we are the standard and the model to show you an alternative to just coven-steading (nothing is wrong with that either but hear me out).

 The Clergy here do not get salaries or any monetary compensation (something the media was surprised to find out and many of you ask about) we pay for the rent, utilities and needs of the building (cups, plates, napkins, paper towels, lights, forks, etc) just like everyone else.  Our Clergy took a vow to serve the people of the whole community here, and while we know the Temple of the Sacred Gift-ATC is not the whole community it is our little Family and if you cannot take care of your own family how can you be expected to serve a greater world?  So here we are, every member sustaining the bricks and mortar and incense of the Temple every Clergy pitching in alongside of them...and we find we are double proving something.  IT IS A LIE to say that we the Pagan/Wiccan/Witch community will not support or own buildings or needs.  We are!   Let me repeat, WE are not the exception to the rule WE are you! 

I have gotten hundreds of emails asking me how we did it.  People want to know how to get that building.  We got it the same way the Christians along time ago got a Building to worship in...we raised money and saved it then shopped until we found a deal.  It took us a little over two years to collect (ten dollars a month from every person) enough money to do this but we patiently edged toward our goal.  With that little amount not one family or Witch/Wiccan/Pagan found themselves financially hurting if anything they found that they could with very little give an amount that would make a difference in the long run.  We say..."If you drop a pebble in a pond it makes a ripple" or "one grain of sand at a time makes a beach" but have we really been patient enough to make that occur?  I know I was not until I got fed up....the question is are you tired of the way things are and want more?

I GOT FED UP and at the SAME TIME I was getting FED up so were MANY of other people here.  I was tired of working and giving and loving a faith and Gods for so long that all I had to show for it was running to another park hoping to be able to reserve it then having to hope that the authorities liked us and had a relationship with us (because if one of them is fired or retires you have to start all over again).  I Got tired of having great festivals that pumped me up to only come home to the same rigamorole circles that the HPS or HP was expected to pay for or sustain.  I got fed up with only being able to hang with 9 or ten people.  Seriously if you are going to give every moon and Sabbat to something then you need more than 9 or ten people to be friends with every weekend.  I got tired of having separate lives and identities why should I have to hide something I love and defines so deeply who I am and why you might like and admire me or not?

I got TIRED of reading hundreds of books encouraging me to be afraid be very afraid of coming out thus I should stay shut up and in the closet and be a SOLITAIRE.  I am not saying that being a solitaire is BAD but I cannot be the only person in this country that has wondered WHO or WHAT wants us all to not gather together unite and start worshiping out in the open.  I am saying this because it is equivalent to Propaganda to scare people and use fear to tell them they cannot gather together if they do they might get tortured or lose a job, etc.  Pagans know more about conspiracy theories than any group I have met and yet they never stop and ask themselves...is it possible that the books being published over and over by mainstream companies might be wrong?  What if the reason we are being encouraged not to get a leg up and get buildings and become legitimate is because as long as we are considered freaky and isolated then we have no voice, and no say in this country...world or anything in the material plane that we walk on.  THUS all these gifts the Gods have given us are useless if we cannot use them to CHANGE the planet we live in and on.

IT'S Great if you can summon dragons, but why not summon dragons for the city you live in to help eliminate crime and do it in a way that is visible and people see?  If we want people to perceive us differently we have to first perceive ourselves differently.  WE KNOW as Witches/Pagans/Wiccans that we define a thing.  WE have power, and that words are uber important and yet we as a group seem to be doing nothing to seize that power and utilize it for the greater whole.  Why not?  Why are we scared?  Who are we scared of?  Ask yourself these questions...and if you have power and know how to utilize it then WHY are you scared?  If you really can manipulate energy then why not manipulate Energy to change peoples perception of us and change your planet that is why you are here right?  Surely you are not here just to do love spells and magic for your bills.

Minorities have fought for their rights since the beginning of time and won them.  Women got the vote!  Homosexuals are more open than we are and gaining ground!  YET, even though someone fought a fight for us and got us legal recognition we still hide and refuse to seize or opportunities and march, speak out, and COMMUNE with our home towns.  I don't want people to be scared of me, I want people to accept me for who I am.  What's so wrong with that?  I want to have my Goddess ISIS have a beautiful clean facility to walk in and be worshiped at just like she did in days of old but cannot have in her country today.  I want to do that with groups bigger than 13 because bigger groups can do MORE good than little groups of ten.

I realize that this blog is going to not win me a popularity contest...but ask yourself why that is?  PLEASE Question .  Utilize more than the right to vote and stop thinking small THINK BIG!  The people at the Temple of the Sacred Gift-ATC are no more brave than any of you.  We are regular people who have families that work regular jobs.  We have the same issues in our communities that you do we just lay them aside for the greater whole not letting bickering and gossip tear us apart.  We all decided that to be strong we have to UNITE and be strong at the core of our being.  I pray that this blog inspires you to question, to look around (because many of you have more experience than I do) and see how you can utilize your rights and promote our Spiritual path in a positive way and to more than six people who you already know! If you dream BIG you will hit the stars!

Remember we believe in Magic and to believe is to ACT on something no one else can see.


Thank you for the gift of your time------------------and know that you are always loved and cared about by me.

"In the words of a great Southerner I cotton to that..."

It took three weeks for my mother in law to cross over.  When we as a family were going through it, juggling the toddler, my job as a cosmetologist, the Temple building (newly acquired), our marriage, children, Temple members....it seemed so much longer.  Then, Mamie drew her last breath.  It seemed very quickly everything sped up.  Services had to be arranged, songs had to be chosen, clothing had to be purchased, bills had to be settled, flowers had to be ordered, pictures sorted through....and we went to New Albany Mississippi to rent a hotel room and be present for the viewing of the body.

As we were slogging through all of it (three weeks of uncertainty and whens hospitals, etc), Elders constantly checked on us calling to listen and offer their emotional support.  Best friends and wonderful women came by and checked on us, or called keeping our spirits us and the Temple rolling forward....because life does not slow down for passages of life it just keeps on moving because that is what life has to do.  Life is organic, living, and breathing, it does not care if we tell it that it ceases to exist.  For it exists whether we see it or not.

Michele (the Temple squire) and Angela (my buddy and maiden) came and baby sat Cayden so that he did not have to go to the funeral and could remember Grandmother as a wonderful funny woman alive and full of energy.  I questioned this decision many times but the bottom line was we had to do business things and Cayden is a little obstructive in that arena.  So he will remember his Grandmother as a story teller and always laughing. 

At the funeral, people from all around came in and laughed and signed books.  Some cried, because they were so shocked and this is how we express our pain either laughter or crying.  I did some of both.  Brian did most of the latter.  My husband was stoic; he has already buried his Father and his older Brother and now his Mother.  Technically he is all alone, and has moved into the role of leader of his family.  Martin Heidegger said that one of the most transformational experiences in life you will ever go through is when you lose a parent.  I have never lost one, little on two.  I look at my husband differently gauging his moods, his tiredness, his gait, noticing how strong and broad those thin shoulders are and realizing he is the closest thing I know to a courageous hero.  He has survived and done so gracefully literally crossing over and dignifyingly laying to rest his whole family. 

When we got home, Rev. Belladonna Levaue, HPS and Dusty Dionne came in to spend time with us and to speak at the Temple the next day.  Laughter bubbled forth; great food was shared, we smiled, we hugged, we exchanged and learned.  They balmed our hearts, and did a great job bringing in people to the Temple so that they could see what we are really all about.  Rev. Amanda and Terry Riley came in from Jonesboro Arkansas with three car loads full of people coming to spend time with Bella, Dusty, and us.  Our house and Temple was overflowing with love...and this does not count all the regular Templites (this is what we call ourselves lovingly) who were there. They were alive, laughing, hugging, sharing, all together we were alive!

After everyone was gone, the house was cleaned, the trash taken out, the floors swept, we looked at each other still in shock but realized it had all been made better.  Our friends had become our family.  Somehow or the other the Gods of the Temple and our personal deities (ISIS, ANUBIS, THOTH, OSIRIS, SEKHMET, PTAH, ODIN) had all come to our side.  We were not alone; we did not have to slog through problems alone, deal with grief alone, take care of business without assistance, make sure our child was loved without hands to hold him, bury a Mother/Mother in law without a tribe of people guiding us....

In New Albany Mississippi I met Brian's blood relatives, and many of mine came to pay respect to Mamie Miller.  It is said down here that "blood is thicker than water"  technically yes it is.  Blood coagulates and water does not.  However here where I dwell we are Pagan to the bone, our organs and our blood is shared with many people and they are all Pagan; and this last week we needed water to feed our spirit not blood and the Gods provided.  Our community is thicker than our blood family and is there for us through thick and thin.  I pray that wherever you are that you look around you and take note.  Notice, those that are there for you when you need it...just a text message or a smile is sometimes all you need.  Some friends nudge you, some carry you, some buy you food, some text you, but they are all your support system...remember YOU are never alone.  YOU are loved. 

So this week, or just for today, look around you and notice the God and the Goddess they love you and they know that you are human and need something or someone you can feel and touch...that is why they sent you friends.  Cherish your friends, and thank the Goddess for them. 

Thank you for the gift of your time!  Thank you Templites, SDCW, fellow clergy, and Rev. Bella and Dusty for being there; you were the physical love of the Gods for me this past week.