Burning away the old, to erect the new

I have had a Heck of a Year!  I am pretty sure you all have too.  These past few weeks, like many of you I find myself looking back to see what was accomplished and to take the time to float, dwell, dip into those memories that made the year potent.

 Some of these were:  My son turning 3 and his wonderful birthday party.  Spending time with the Southern Delta Wicca Clan.  Spending time with my friends Bella and Joanna.  Loving moments with my husband. Traveling to Pagan Unity Festival and sharing the Sacraments of the Gods with Pagans, and having the privilege to share what I had learned in the form of Workshops.  Traveling to Gathering of theTribes doing a HUGE main ritual, and teaching several workshops, and getting to sit on a Board to help people that are wanting to "start up" new Wiccan organizations.  Moving from one small Temple worship building; to another larger Temple worship space and converting it together with others for the Gods.  Cultivating friendships with people in my immediate circle and community that will last forever!

I am not ignoring the bad (I despise this word it is not adequate as an adjective):  criticisms, complaints, harassment, threats, slander, lies,arguments, heart-break,  helping people I love with diseases, cancer, visiting hospitals,  crossing overs, crying nights, lonely desolation, and hands tossed up in the air.  I just realize that the BOTH make a hearty brew of the year 2013.

On our path, there is no light without dark.  On our path, learning how to direct the "dark" within yourself  and that is outside of yourself (yep you cannot control this) into a productive activity, project, or life lesson is the challenge. 

"We take the yule log and we pour into it all we have suffered...everything.  We take the time to let the weight and darkness come into us and the tears fall.  I have bathed my Gods and Goddesses in those tears.  We let the pain rip through us until we can bear it no longer....the agony, the heart that feels that it will never be healed.  Then we drill five holes into that log.  The angst, anger, frustration, of not being able to control heartache, disease, death, loss, is thought about as we realize we can control the drilling, the accuracy of the circle we are drawing slowly and deliberately into that piece of Oak.  The mind flutters and merges with the Oak.  The Oak has survived much pain, much loss, dropped the dead weight that was dragging it down; so that it could grow....we thanked that Oak tree for the gift of the log.  It is grateful to be able to give to us the gift; for everything is useable.  Everything is transformative. 

Five holes were made.  One for Air, one for Fire, one for Water, one for Earth, and one for Spirit. The Gold candles which were chosen carefully are placed within the log.  I, the Priestess think on the story of how ISIS, my Goddess, took a baby and ran him through the flames of a fire over and over to purify him...just as gold is refined removing the dross.  I know that she will refine us like Gold.  I know that Spirit will come and make us see; that this is part of the cycle of life.  It is not all happy and light, it is not all laughter....but it asks me to FOCUS ON THE GOOD!"

When I am looking at everything I have a choice on what to dwell on.  I can dwell on the sorrow, or I can dwell on the relief and happiness and joy.  I can choose to focus on the loss of a income or to focus on the fact that I have food, a roof over my head, a heater, clothing, a bed, a wonderful family.  I can choose to let people who have hurt me make me bitter, or I can choose to focus on the people who love me no matter what and make me whole; and a better person.  I can choose, to let negative energy focused on me bring me down; or I can choose to filter it and use it in a way that promotes and propels the community in a new direction.  CHOICE. I have CHOICE.  I am not powerless. I am POWERFUL.  I am never Limited.  I am LIMITLESS.

I look at the old discarded dead Oak branch that we have now decorated with boughs of greenery, holly, ribbons, golden decorations, gilded ribbons, and have crowned with oiled beautiful golden candles.  I guess you can "make Beauty out of Shite"  even though I have heard here in the South you cannot.  My community has.  My family has.  My friends have.  I have. 

THIS is the lesson of Dark and Light.  This is the lesson of Death and Life.  This is the lesson of Joy and Sorrow.  This is the Ankh. 

Tonight we will all embrace a NEW YEAR, start with a CLEAN Slate, and begin a new.  Let us all remember life is not about Winning, or Losing.  It is about Choices.  It is not just a Journey; it is an Adventure.  It is a privilege.  YAY for all of us who have made it to 2014! I just know this is going to be our year!

Thank you all for another year, and the gift of your time.  May you be like the Phoenix rising from the Ashes, and may you RELISH and EMBRACE a LUST for LIFE!

Hoppy Holly Daze !!!

I believe that we Pagans are becoming dogmatic.  I know this, because I am one.  When I was a younger “Seeker” I had no problem reading anything from the “Four Agreements” to the “Book of Thomas”  I practiced Angel Magick, to reading about “brahma” but once it was evident I was going to start and maintain my own coven…I let “what others thought Pagan was” and “what I was told and taught Pagan was” influence the direction of my coven.  Then after years of reading only "Pagan/Wiccan" books I forgot about my original heart song.

Now, I would like to think that I was such a strong spiritual leader that it did not matter what others thought or would say about my practices but that would not be true.  I was so young that it was important to me that my teacher patted me on the head and told me I was doing great and that the people coming to me were focused and directed only on Witchcraft, or Wicca.  I am not stating that she stated that I could not do these things; I just felt a "Wicca/Witchy" peer pressure not to be X.

Being, an easily bored curious sort I let my own spare time go to practicing and dabbling and reading whatever I wanted but sharing that with people in the coven did not happen….I was “scared” they would think I was too “fluff bunny” too “white light” and so I continued on teaching only God, Goddess, and the five elements because it was expected; and traditional.  It did not matter that the Wiccan Rede did seem to believe in Universalism…”All Gods or Goddesses are just the face of one God/Goddess; or that all paths or just different roads leading to the same destination.”  Any time, I tried to explore that option with others that had come to the craft it was shut down if it seemed “too Christian, too New Age, too fluff bunny”. (Fluff bunny in the Craft is a derogatory term used to make people feel bad about their path and themselves because they would never cast against another and they concentrate on light work ) Ps. I am what you would call a White Lighter or Fluff bunny....:)

After, ten or more years of this if any of these paths were presented to me or people I had a “wall up”  I had gotten so used to “not listening” or “considering it an option” I was closed off.  Several years ago, after we started the Temple (A legal Wiccan Church) I had a seeker say to me…”he had thought to tell me he was going to dedicate his life to Jesus…” just to see what I would say.  He laughed; I stopped and wondered…Why and when did it happen that I had become so rigid?  I asked the question, but I had no answer right then.  Then, the hundreds of invitations came in inviting me to go to Christian Churches, and I naturally assumed they wanted “to convert” me since I had founded a Wiccan Church.  This made me resistant; but in truth I could “claim busy” and point out to them…I did not “invite them to my church their pastors, so why invite me?”.  

This theory is true, and the logic very astute if you are looking for conflict and being very defensive but it did not lead me to where I was headed; or where my Goddess wanted me to go…so she gently nudged further.  Another student (a few years later), asked if Jesus was a valid option to worship as a Pagan God.  I found myself saying….”Yes, that is a valid option…why not?  Tell me why you see him that way…”  Voila!  I opened.  A few months later, we had to do a Baby blessing, and it became clear the person involved wanted something unique…to present their child to all spiritual paths.  Jesus, came a calling.

“Sonya, why are you so angry at me?”  he asked.  My heart hurt, I thought of all the bad experiences I had felt and experienced as a child, as a junior high student, as a high school student at the hands of a Christian Church and School.  “ What did I have to do with any of that he asked?”  "You didn’t" I had to say.  So, I let it go, I cried, and I felt the love and comfort of that Deity.  I thought of how I had sung so many times as a young person…”What a friend we have in Jesus” and how I had loved that song.  I realized I was not angry or hurt at Jesus at all; just hurt and angry at the humans that had been angry, mean, cruel, or judgmental to me.  The Baby blessing was fantastic, and I had made peace with Jesus and I had noticed he had not “judged me or preached I was going to hell”. (BTW he never has, to me)

Two more years have passed, and another Baby blessing rolled in…the Father was Christian the Mother Wiccan and so it seemed Jesus and Hekate would be called to bless the child.  Brian and I presented the Child to all paths; and there was not hesitation or tugging within me a beautiful ritual happened.  As we started that Circle, one of my Elders asked me what aspect of the Goddess I would call in…I stopped and asked Spirit, who would you like to come?  Hagia Sophia it said, and so I said…I am Hagia Sophia.  I have had rapid visions of her lately, the Queen in Red with Angel Wings.  I am devouring all of her words, any mention of her,  and of course the connection with Isis is obvious. But then, Isis does have 10,000 names and faces.

I panicked after a month of this obsession realizing that I was walking into deep Spiritual mysticism, and Gnosticism I asked advice from fellow Clergy because once again I seemed to “need and want” peer support.  Luckily for me, I am surrounded with ATC Elders that encourage me to go and find, learn, search and grow; apparently I had not “grown” enough to not need that support.   It was interesting and refreshing to note that at this age I had enough backbone to be honest; and to freely share my fork in the road.  It panicked me, all my life I had been hardcore Witch/Pagan/Wiccan and now it seems...I am Wiccan.  I am a Wiccan being led to explore the other paths and see how they merge with what I already knew.

I want to apologize for my former resistance and rigidity.  I had become dogmatic and not willing to consider any other option.  I helped create a spiritual environment that was "not truthfully exploring all options".  I had become hypocritical saying all paths lead to the same destination but letting excuses and "feelings from my past" hold me back as a spiritual leader.  I see that now, but I cannot fix the past only remedy the future.  No excuses just truth.  

I do not want the future of any Spiritual community to be "closed off" especially one as cool as Paganism/Wicca.  I would like to share openly and peacefully with other faiths like I do in my mind but in the physical planes, and truthfully live in a world where we all share our ideas and learn from each other.  I am (with the help of many others) taking big step to get there and tearing down all defenses and walls that I have erected to place myself in such a "neat Wiccan/Pagan box". Of course, we might want to start with ourselves by not labeling our own lightworkers as (practicing black magick, too fluff bunny, not good at magic, etc).

I still take offense to any path that does not see the “divine feminine” but those are not fighting words to me anymore.  We, as Wiccans/Pagans do not even hardly acknowledge the “divine masculine” we seem to shy away from it and are embarrassed of it at times (it’s our backlash at Christianity and the Patriarchy).  Maybe, if I start to take steps in this direction with all the other Temple members then we will be more than a ripple in the ocean?

I am still Wiccan and still Polytheistic and I know Wicca as a Spiritual Path has much to offer the Spiritual community, it is a system easily used to commune with any Angel/Guide/ face of God/ddess, it delights in the divine feminine.  It also has no issue of having Mary Magdeline and Anubis or Hekate and Jesus being called in to work together to dispense the Sacraments and share wisdom. That is what is wonderful about Spirit; it is showing us that we can all get “beyond” our boundaries…and live in a “time and space” beyond our human limitations. I love this path for this reason.

 

I have learned that love is the answer.  I have learned that if you pick up the sword you will die by the sword and that bitterness, anger, cruelty, anger and revenge are all things I struggle with but refuse to choose as my path.  I have learned that if you pick up a shield to defend yourself, you will have to fight because to defend is to fight.  I have learned that Love, and acceptance are more powerful energies than anything I have ever conceived and they can truthfully MOVE MOUNTAINS.  I am grateful that Jesus, Isis, Sophia, Sekhmet, Osiris all do not care what I call them but Humans do…and I have learned, that I cannot let others tell me what to believe, practice, or what is right for me. I have also learned to stop being so dogmatic, stubborn, rigid, and to stop judging and labeling others. 

So this HOLY season know this.  Whether you Pray to or resonate with the Holly King, Jesus, or Horus they are all the same to me; and I believe in your heart you know this too.  If you spend time dwelling with the virgin Mary, Isis, or Brigit it is all good because they are all Goddesses that are communing with us at this time of year.  This time of year is not about who is WRONG or who is RIGHT or who started this Holy Day first or who stole it from WHOM.  This time of year is about re-birth, re-newal, about a new clean slate being born for us and you. 

Thought for the Season:  What will you write on this new clean slate handed to you by Spirit?  What will you do with it?  I am not positively sure what I will do with it yet, but I know the first word I am going to write on it is Love, the Second is Acceptance (and yes that is for myself and for others).

Thank you for the Gift of your Time.....

Are you sure it isn't the Cherry on top?

I just got back from New Orleans, Louisiana.  My husband Brian and I went there to get some “couple time”.  It is a funny thing that happens when you start running any kind of business or organization when you get married you get to running around so much you forget what got you propelled to where you are in the first place.  I have not forgotten.  Before I met Brian I was pretty cool.  After I met Brian everything fell together for me, and I relaxed into life. 

We fell in love.  I think we knew the minute we met each other that nothing from that moment would be the same.  We are still in love.  People forget this at times since we are just a 40-something couple and a High priest and Highpriestess of a Wiccan Temple.  No, we don’t bandy about naked underneath the full moon.  No, we are not swingers or in a cool “open” or polyamorous relationship we are just two people; who met and fell in love. In short very unusually boring for a Pagan anything especially in the year 2013.

We open and close the Temple of the Sacred Gift four (at least) out of seven days a week with a few other couples in the church.  It is hard to maintain a good relationship with your significant other when you both work all day, and then come home to grab food and run up to teach a class, shake hands with strangers, sell wares, run circles, bless homes, and banish spirits. Usually one of us has to stay home with our Pagan Toddler so the other can serve the community and maintain the ministry; but, somehow or another we have maintained it. 

How?  By feeding and filling our well.  Normal people, call it “hard work”  I will call it taking trips to New Orleans, trips to Nashville, trips to Gatlinburg, renting a Hotel room, going out to dinner, and buying each other things to express our love for one another.  When we chose together the Temple logo we placed in the middle the cup and athame; a symbol for the merging and interconnectedness of the God and the Goddess themselves.  Many look at this symbol for the “Great Rite” and laugh and say it is all about the sex.  Hey, I will not lie sex is a physical way of expressing the “Great Rite” in fact it is probablly the cherry on top of all of life.  However, after being married in more than one way to a person I will tell you it is more about the collaborations that occur between the female and male within each of us and being comfortable enough to share that with each other than great bedroom shenanigans that truly is the GREAT RITE.

We have collaborated on raising four children together Brian and I.  We have collaborated on paying bills together, on retiring together, on taking care of each other when we are sick.  We have collaborated on building a physical worship space together and a spiritual one not only for people that come and ask for guidance; but for each other.  He has his path, which is Eclectic and I have mine which is very much Egyptian Heka.  We collaborate on work schedules, and doctors’ appointments, and on insurances, and on who is going to mow the lawn and who will fold and put up the laundry.  In fact, there is not one area of our life that is not collaboration, and I feel that this is truly what the” Great Rite” is all about.  It is not about two people becoming one in a hot sweaty embrace it is about two people whose lives intersect and respect, love and admire one another in and outside of the sexual act.

 

 

Today, I read a prayer aloud to the Goddess Opis and re-minded myself who she was and what Opulence truly is.  It seems many people can define Opulence as being diamonds, pearls, fancy cars, chandeliers, and over the top “lifestyles of the rich and famous”.  Yet, it seems to me since very few of us will ever experience that kind of opulence that maybe what it really is about is figuring out what your Opulence is.  To me, Opulence is being married to and being the Highpriestess of Brian Miller.  To me, building a life with this person, sharing a world with him, living in a home with him, and co-creating a Temple and community with him is Opulence.  BTW so is the Great Rite with him…J 

 

Thank you for letting me share what I feel is the "cherry on top" of life!

Under the Sun

This weekend I was honored to take part in my very first pagan festival, The Brothers of the Sun. What an amazing experience! I was welcomed in to a group of pagan men from various traditions as a brother. I learned so much about male camaraderie, masculine energy, and other male mysteries. And I definitely learned a good bit about myself. What I learned most was that my family tree of pagans has more branches and deeper roots than I realized.

I wish I could share with you all everything I learned this weekend, but these are men’s mysteries. What I can share with you is that I learned that this community of men is not a group of bystanders at the will and service of their witches. These men are roves seeking their own destiny, fathers shaping their future and the future of those they love, and sages manifesting the will of paganism as a whole. I am proud to call these men my brothers.

I can also share with you what I learned about myself. I practiced a solitary path for many years. When I was led to formal training at Temple of the Sacred Gift I looked upon this training in a preconceived notion of what a church is supposed to be. I also looked at my training as a training of rules, guide lines, and how-to’s on the right way and wrong way to practice and worship. I had decided without thinking that because this training was from an eclectic church and not a coven I would still be a solitary witch. I would be a part of a fellowship of like-minded individuals and learn what has been written and recorded about witchcraft. I would take this information and apply it to my own spiritual practice but ultimately I would still be a solitary because I wasn’t practicing like anyone else; my roots were my own.

Just before I left for my men’s weekend, my teacher invited me and others to be a part creative part of Southern Fried Pagan. Our first task was to create our bios for the page so that readers would know who we are and from what perspective our views originate. I did this quickly, because I had began writing a blog of my own earlier this year. I sent it to her and she wrote me back to inform me that I needed to look at blog bios because they tend to be short and to the point. And I wasn’t a solitary like I claim any longer. My first reaction was who is she to tell me I’m not a solitary. I latched on to my ideas of what my training was going to be and swung from the tree limb beating my chest. I have thankfully learned to avoid discussing things until I have had time to think about them. I used the weekend to plan on what I was going to say to my teacher to make her understand and accept my idea. Funny I know. Tell your high priestess she’s wrong about something she’s been formally teaching for a few years.

I was involved in a casual conversation with a sage of high respect as a brother one night during this weekend. He was saying something about the students he teaches and how he has to teach to each one differently because they are different people. This sparked in my head and I said, “Aha!” I realized now why I needed to go to college to become a teacher of elementary school only to leave that field. Differentiated instruction, the biggest concept of my college training. And this high priest has been using it for a lot longer than it has been in practice in public schools. I then began to think about teaching and how friends in college would tell professors that the idea of differentiated instruction, teaching to reach every level and type of student and to each individual student, was good in theory but wasn’t realistic. After some time examining lesson plans of differentiated instruction and some training on how to construct them, I was quite able to apply this skill. I thought, “How dumb are they to tell the teacher their wrong.”

“AHA!”

What had I just done? I had to think about this. I looked around and saw the men and the ways they did things. I learned the connections these men had and why they had them. I saw practices of various sages being used by the fathers and learned by the roves. Some of these were discussed openly after rituals and workshops. And the answer to my quandary was revealed. Traditions were made and passed on and are being passed on. These traditions were not limited to the men or this festival. I realized I wasn’t just learning what someone else had learned; I was learning traditions. Now my high priestess and high priest and maiden and squire had told us this many times. It never made it past my preconception. This weekend I saw the traditions from one hand to the next. I was a part of these traditions. I learned a way of thinking and doing that had been passed down from generations much older than one that attended the festival.

 

No I am not a part of a coven, but I am part of a tradition. It is an eclectic one. But it is a tradition. I have brothers and I have sisters. I have fathers and mothers. I have grandfathers and grandmothers. I am not alone anymore unless I choose to be. I choose it no longer. I WAS a solitary pagan. Now, I am a Templite.  

My advice: If you are practicing solitary do not seclude yourself. Get out and be part of the community. If you wish to be part of a group, which in my opinion most of us do, get out and do whatever it takes to find an accepting, loving group. A new light will dawn within you. The Charge of the Goddess states, “If that which thou seekest thou findest not within thee, thou wilt never find it without.” I hold that some things cannot be found within unless we actively seek them without. Paganism is about community and traditions. If you do not make yourself a part of the community you will not know paganism completely. I may be wrong. These are just the ideas of a seeker in training.

 

Kevin Red Patrick is a seeker at Temple of the Sacred Gift – ATC. Raised in Memphis, TN, and educated at the University of Mississippi. His pagan path began at the age of thirteen after understanding that his views of life, spirituality, and sexuality did not align with his Christian upbringing. He has followed an eclectic Wiccan path with strong Celtic influences for twenty-two years. Divine direction led him to TSG-ATC in December of 2012, where he is now receiving formal training with aspirations of becoming clergy. He now lives in Southaven, MS with his partner of thirteen years and two dogs.

She was as quiet as the raindrops hitting a tin roof....

I haven't spoken to you all in a while.  I did not know what to say.  I felt whatever I said it would be read under a microscope, picked at, scraped at, and possibly misconstrued.  Then I realized, sometimes silence is okay; but being "scared to be judged" is not.  Let us all be honest here, you would think with me being Clergy of a Wiccan Church I would expect to be judged, and scraped over the coals.  You do and that is by the Christians usually, or people that just really ""have no idea" what Wiccan/Witch/Pagan is; BUT you do not expect fellow Pagans to do the same; but they will.  What sets an Elder Clergy apart from a "pretty new only four year Clergy" apart is the attitude.  They have all been burned, and hurt and threatened at many points and probably continually but their hides are thick and their shields even thicker and they have been there and done that and realize that you "cannot please everyone" and that "someone has to do the work". Yet, they still love and have compassion and take chances on new people every day!

By the way, believe it or not, Pagan Clergy is a fastly growing phenomenon in the South.  Especially in the ATC (Aquarian Tabernacle Church) which we are an affiliate of.  It is not that I lacked training, my local elders gave me classes.  My Midsouth elders heaped more classes on me, I have read more than twenty books on it and I am constantly increasing my library to be better at it; but in reality there is NO real preparation that can happen to prepare you for the transition from Highpriestess of a coven to Clergy of a Temple.  You have to get that the "old fashioned" way my Elders did through trials by fire.

Let it be stated at this vantage, that the Elders here in the Midsouth/South  are the best I have ever met.  They have stamina, they have passion, their magick is incredible, their wisdom deep, and their love and acceptance for the new Clergy makes one feel right at home.  When you hurt, they listen and they will pat your back from time to time but the best thing they do for me is push me and prod me and make me jump back in there and believe in the "work" even when I do not "mentally" feel it.  In fact, they have taught me that "following the will of the Gods is paramount" and that to "serve others" and "share the sacraments of the Gods" with others my real calling.  I felt the call, I was naturally a driven person but for some reason we people that want to "give and share with others" seem to think we can please everyone.  I am one of those people; and guess what I cannot.

I share this with you because I want you to understand that Pagan Clergy are not super human, we have frailties and flaws and we learn from our mistakes just like everyone else.  Sure we know a few things, maybe a lot of knowledge, but what makes a great Clergy seems to be time, consistency, and love oh my Goddess the love just pouring through you like an invocation that never stops...."Isis, please use me today.  Isis please help me be better.  Isis, please help me listen with your ears.  Isis, please as I walk your path may I be considerate to others.  Isis, show me how to help my community."   Then one day you realize it is this constant "nagging" that shows you are insecure, sure you want to serve but you don't exactly know how to do that and so you have to come and "trust" a power higher than yourself to walk you through it.  You are constantly improvising; gathering knowledge as you go understanding that every case is different and every situation new and unfolding.

I thought I was a horrible candidate for clergy five years ago.  I probably was, but my Elders saw something in me (just like my Gods did) that I never could see.  It might have been my determination, or my passion for my Gods but they have held up a mirror to show me parts of my self and have taught me to love all of them even the "darker ones". Through this, I have come to accept "dark and light" in Sonya and have come to see that it all works as balance and counter balance and that all of my skills that are called into play are "light and dark" at times.  All of life is not happy...in our circles we point out that life is where "joy and sorrow, pain and happiness all come together and meet making one energy".  How funny I could say that line for more than five years, and yet until recently could not apply it to myself.

 We women had gathered for a healing circle.  Beside me were two mighty sisters and Crones, next to me a sister I have come to love more and more; the energy was being raised for healing. We all intoned wordlessly together and there in that circle patterns and harmonies and melodies arose!  Each woman singing her own natural tone, her own natural rhythmn and it was beautiful to hear!  As the energy wound down I looked over and saw one of my own community sisters crying; her pain was so fresh it hurt me to watch.  Without thought, I ran to her and put her in my arms and held her head to my shoulder and rocker her until she was calm and okay.  We toned a sorrow howl together for a moment, it was just her and me though all those women were still singing.  

RIGHT THEN I remembered telling an Elder Clergy I would never be that kind of woman, the kind that babied people and held them while they cried; I did not see that I was capable of it; but that woman had evolved and she had embraced change and sorrow and joy and happiness...and there Me and she was and I KNEW.  I was going to be good at this job!  Hell, I might already be good!  

I could credit all the Ministers who coddled me and fed my spirit (White, Black, Christian, Catholic, Presbyterian, UU, Episcopalean, Pagan Female, Male).  I can point out journeys, or insights I have had from my Gods that verify this path for me....but none of that has mattered until that "moment" a few weeks ago.

So if you don't like this post; ignore it.  It is okay, NO ONE is for everybody!  However, if you can relate and this post resonates with you...pass it on.  It is important (I think) for people to realize Pagan Clergy are human, and we learn together as the WHOLE community grows (and if you are pagan that means you!).  I am so grateful and so very happy that this is my path, and that I have the opportunity to share that joy with so many of you!

THIS week...remember that all of you is Sacred even the parts you do not like.  Remember that all of you is necessary there is only ONE you and you are the most unique wonderful you ever!

As always...thank you for the gift of your time.

" One two three, One two three, Step, shuffle, slide, Dance in the Dark with me!"

So it has been awhile.  My husband got bronchitis which developed into pneumonia, I got a severe cold and then the baby got the same.  Life decided to show me how I was not in control…at all.  Which is funny because at the time, it seemed like I was surfing the big wave of life, doing aerials, body curves, and not crashing; I was euphoric and mesmerized at my abilities to do things I had no idea I could do.  The water went still, there were no waves to ride.  I had to wait. I was not happy, I was frustrated and struggling with the new tempo of my life.

Now I have never claimed to be a patient person but as I have grown older I realize I am more patient than I seem.  However, I think the Gods were getting a big whooping laugh that made them roll on the floor to see me chomping at the bit for several weeks realizing physically I could not do what my mind “instructed me to do”.  

Sitting still, and not doing much of anything other than staring at pictures on a Television screen is almost meditative and very trance like.  It can bring to the surface all those things you were “on purpose” or “not on purpose” staying so busy for so that you did not have to deal with them.  I run and swim so fast in the stream of life that I can mark it in the following way.  Mamaw died when I was 30, two years later I finally admitted it, 3 years later I cried a lot, 8 years later I got peace with it.  WHY?  Because I made sure I stayed busy so as to “Not think, and Not feel, and Not have to deal with the truth of the matter.”  

However, my life does not work this way anymore I have no idea if it is the “instant manifesto Highpriestess thing” or if I have really just grown that much.  So out comes the issues I have not had time to deal with, and they were less than a year old…still hurting and I had to deal with them.  I am not saying I dealt with them the best way possible, like all of you I am still learning.  I am not perfect, nor do I know more than everyone, but I do listen, and work through things.  BTW in case you did not know, I am harder on me than anyone can ever be I do not give myself time to mourn, or feel sorry for myself, or to cry, or to even feel “loss or sorrow”.  I was not taught these things as a child, so as an adult I just kept on rolling….NOT.

This weekend I let “out” the feelings of loss and sorrow and betrayal and hurt I had felt several months earlier.  I let out the feelings of anger, and frustration.  I humbled myself and received back every inch of love and caring I had given to a person who “would not pee on me if I was on fire”; and I bounced back (btw they did not give it to me many others did).  I cried for about twenty four hours!  Yep, I cried  (something I never let myself do in public or private) and it felt good it was the damn being released; it was the balm of my soul; it was the arms of river goddesses telling me to let it go and flow and as it did I would realize it was just to feel this way and at the same time it was just an emotion.  “Emotions are meant to be acknowledged, and to be expressed if you do not do either then they will come out in very strange ways.” That is what I heard, and what I saw, and what makes me smile.  

Big whoop I feel!  Big whoop I am not perfect!  Big whoop life is not always flowing and tossing and turning! Thank goodness it got still and placid for me to see the truth of what was going on inside and outside of me!  I had to strain out my well and get rid of the debris and yuckiness hanging about…I needed to be silly, and just let it all hang out.  I think I am getting amused at all the Dark Goddess offerings I am making lately; but I really am enjoying the wisdom and insight she is showing me…I know later on down the road these lessons will be pivotal.

“Thank you Dark Mother, for pointing out to me gently that I am too hard on me; that I need to take the time to feel and mourn and express my emotions and that does not make me a “drama queen” but absolutely perfectly your co-creation.  Thank you Dark Father for showing me that sometimes you have to sit still and do what ‘appears to be nothing’ so that ‘something powerful and beautiful’ can occur on the surface.”

How do you cope with being sick?  How do you cope with having to take care of so many others that are sick in your household?  How do you flow with the slow periods in your life when it feels you are dragging a tugboat of people and things and projects behind you?   Do you stay so busy all the time that you have trouble reacting to loss, sorrow, and feelings or emotions? When you sit still, and there is no sound, no pictures, only you breathing are you scared and try to direct your thoughts to what you “have to do” or are you open and do you listen to see what you “need to hear” not “what needs to be done by X day”?  These are the words of the Dark Moon, this is one of the mysteries revealed here.

OFFERING TO THE DARK MOTHER OR DARK GOD:

1.  Find out when the dark moon cycle is. It is always BEFORE the new moon and is last period of your moon cycle. Research! Magick works with cycles not against them this is why you learn them and they are pivotal!

2.  Pick a deity to work with that is associated with a Dark moon or is a Crone or Sage deity (I am using THOTH this year, you do realize there are Gods associated with the Dark moon right? ) Research...you can use Persephone as a Dark Maiden one month and Sekhmet another month, and Khonsu another month...but make sure their personalities and attributes resonate with that moon.  Magick is a type of mathematics, the more you have in each column the more it adds up and the more likely you will get great results!

3. Use purple, grey, or black candles (Please take the time to look up what each color means, or think…what do these colors mean to me? For me Purple is dealing with deep psychic issues, grey with my shadow self, and black is for banishing) Research!  Colors have been proven even in psychology to affect your moods this is deep magick when you light those candles you are telling your psyche what it is working on!

4.  Use the appropriate incenses and herbs for your ritual (Hint: Black pepper, Sage, Damiana, possible Pine all will be welcome here).  RESEARCH!  Remember the more additions and bells and whistles you click off the more likely your magick spell will work as intended if you honor the Deity by doing research and presenting the proper herb for the spell "forgiveness" or "working with Hekate" you better believe they will take notice and respond!

4.  For offerings you can just use one night of the dark moon, but for any kind of magickal working utilizing EVERY day of the phase is the most effective.  On Dark moons I like to use all three nights, and I repeat what I did the nights before…and I am open to anything new I experience or receive. REMEMBER!  Magick is worship, it is also an exchange of energy. Magick is also practice.  How do you expect to get good at anything if you are not willing to do anything more than read about it?  You have to practice it, the more you practice the better you get...three nights in a row, now that packs a punch.  Seven nights?  Two weeks, now you are getting the picture the more you concentrate on one spell until you get a result the more focused and more likely you are to get your result!

5.  Realize that the Astrological phase of the Dark moon does have something to do with whatever issue you might want to learn about or work with,or are working through during a month.  Yep there is a Scorpio Crone Mother moon, and a Maiden Aquarius Dark Moon both have strengths both insights are pivotal to your new you emerging. KNOW WHICH one you are working with and plan your spell, God or Goddess, Candles, herbs, stones, etc accordingly.  Do not be the kind of person that thinks the Gods are just lucky you showed up with anything at all, respect the craft do the work and research and it will respect you!

6.  Are you scared of the shadow you see when the sun hits you? Are you scared of the concept of DARK vs LIGHT ?  Are you scared of what is really deep inside you beneath the surface?  “I love my shadow!  Isn’t she/he cool!”  These are things you should say when you notice your real shadow.  Dark Moon work happens whether you call on it or not.  Whether you seek it out or not…so it is best to mark it, acknowledge it and have fun with it. Dark Moon magick is essential to learning, evolving and growing, as a human being and spiritual practitioner it is not about hexes and curses.  Unless you call working on your own issues a "hex or curse".

So you have your candles, deities, salt, water, stones, herbs and you are sitting there in the dark after invoking your God or Goddess…now what?  Tell them the truth!  Tell them what you are going through, what REALLY happened, how you felt about it, how you feel about it now make sure you make the story as funny as possible or as sad as possible this is the time to really let that BIG emotions pour out.  Tell them you do not know what it all means, or how it is going to help you or etc.  Ask for their insights, thank them for showing you the “shadow of yourself”, thank them for everything warts and all…and remind them gently that you would like to learn these things about yourself in a gentle way, in a smooth as possible way.  If you have a piece of jewelry, a card, a physical object, a mantra you want to dedicate to this time this would be the time to do it with earth, air, fire, water.

Lay out an appropriate offering for your deity, take what you just learned and Burn it, Bury it, or Drown it.  It is that easy.

“Dark moon,

burning bright,

for those who have the blessed sight,

Accept my offering

Hear my prayer

Remind me that you are always there

nothing to fear

only to share

the truth. 

May I embrace you

my shadow

May I remember that without you

there is no light

May I seek out and maintain

a state of balance in my life

in myself

and in the world I live in.

Dark moon

shine bright!

Dark Moon

let me see your light!

Dark Moon

come dance with me

and reflect back to me

my light!”

-----------Sonya Miller

 

"They ate supper before they said Grace!"

I am writing this article to respond to the emails readers are sending me.  Yes,  I now have regular Blog readers and people that claim me to "like me" on Facebook or Twitter!  Yeeee haaaa! (giggles)  It seems that a lot of you are interested in my personal path, which is Egyptian, and since you are interested in this path  you are asking me where should you start, and what with.  Since I do not have a problem sharing, my deities but not my husband, I decided to answer this question here because if some of you are interested...then maybe there are a couple more tucked away out there in the vast internet universe?

Where do I start? <------This is the number one question I am being asked.  I believe you should always start by reading a book of mythology, and I am recommending two books here: Egyptian Mythology A guide to the Gods, Goddesses, and Traditions of Ancient Egypt, by Geraldine Pinch and Egyptian Mythology by Veronica Ions.  You can read thousands of books on Egyptian Mythology, these are not particularly slanted toward paganism but they are more in-depth and I feel do the best job of gathering the scattered stories from all the sources and explaining to you where they come from, what the differences are, etc.  That being said let me explain why I am not recommending The Book of the Dead (any version) as a start off point. 

  

The Book of the Dead is a series of writing that are spells and incantations for people who have crossed over or have died already. These spells are to be said over the dead body while prepared for death (we would call it embalming) and are left with the body so that their soul part the BA *((the Egyptians/Tamerians believe that the soul had five parts this is the part that looks like a bird and can see and read after dying)) can read those texts as a “cheat sheet” if need be.  Originally, it was believed that only the royal house and special “wealthy aristocrats” could go to greet Osiris and thus in the beginning these scrolls were prepared for them.  Please remember in Ancient times, that the majority of people could not read or write.  It was believed that after you died, you would go through a series of trials or meet deities in whom these recitations/spells would be important and so it was that you studied these and memorized them so that at death you would know what to say when faced with Anubis, or Osiris, or Maat. 

The Egyptians were not fixated with Death they were into celebrating life!  They did not dwell in morbidity, they believed in the principal that Death was a total rebirth (another life).  I realize a lot of this sounds like the modern Western and Eastern religions you know a lot about now: the afterlife, reincarnations, preparing bodies for death, immortality, the soul, but keep in mind this religion is much older than modern times and has influenced it heavily.  So why not the Book of the Dead?  Well, it may sound cool and seem interesting but unless you understand the stories of these Gods and Goddesses and put together a bigger picture and a relationship between them and us…well the Book of the Dead really is just “mumbo jumbo” and makes no “real sense”.  It also might throw you because it was written for a "special class" of people and we all know that none of us are Pharoahs today.  Though, let it be stated my personal opinion is that you should NEVER commit to a Pantheon or religion if you do not accept its stance on "what happens to you when you die".

So, you tell me you have always been fascinated by my religion and you want to learn more.  Here is my response, and it is sincere and with the best intention.  I am going to share with you where to start and you should realize that this is a  “baby step” just a starting point but "baby steps" are essential to finding yourself miles down the path.  When you are a “newbie” at anything in life, including a new pantheon it is overwhelming and many times you do not know where to “start”.  You want all the Gods and Goddesses, all the tools, and to tell the world this is your path because it is a lot like falling in love.  But like love, you should take your time there is no reason to rush...the Gods and Goddesses are not going anywhere, be certain, and give it your whole attention and disciplined mind and please realize if you just started last month there is no way you are an expert.  Spiritual paths take years and years of practice and application as does magick (and that don't mean a couple of years but that is a great start!).

Do you remember when you first “saw” a person that you found yourself attracted to?  They caught your eye, they were the only person you really noticed in the room.  You started to notice your eyes and your attention focusing back on that person over and over again.  Then you went up and approached them and talked to them, you both have exchanges through conversation.  You noticed the details about them, their eyes, their hands, their hair, their smile, the sound of their voice, how they smell, etc.  Then you asked for their phone number, or Facebook page, and you started to call them and talk, or text and flirt, or chat box and get to know them better, you started to build “from scratch” a person of your own making for you to desire (yep, you make them who they are to you!).  They give you information for you to add into the correct place or slot in your mind so that they become real to you.  The information they give you are details like...where they graduated high school from, where they were born, how old they are, how many siblings they have, how many marriages or divorces, children if they have them, likes and dislikes (favorite foods, colors, music, hobbies, extracurricular activities).  Before you know it, you are “in love” and the next thing you know you are “becoming intimate” physically with this person, and you wake up next to them in bed (or it could be the floor or sofa, you know what I mean),

I am sharing this analogy with you because it is the accurate and the perfect analogy for a person looking for a “new spiritual path” or getting to know a “new deity”.  You are falling in love with a God or Goddess.  You cannot love them all at one time, so you choose one.  You read all the stories to find one, the one that catches your attention is…THE ONE (just like the person in a crowd that you noticed).  You then spend time fleshing out that deity, find out its likes, dislikes, holidays, relationships to other deities, find out about what kind of magick they are good at, what they are famous for, their names their titles, favorite colors the element they are associated with. (you are starting a spiritual dialogue with this deity like talking to a human face to face). Then you go buy a representation of them (usually a statue), you set up an altar for just them, and you start doing magick with them or praying to just them.(this stage is equivalent to waking up in bed next to a person you were courting and enamored with).  You will find yourself laying out “offerings” for them, talking to them all the time, making “sacrifices” (many times offering a personal compromise or giving up something for them), and the next thing you know you are changed forever.

Now, I am not telling you just because you are interested in the Egyptian path and might find one deity you feel drawn to (I am going to use Anubis as an example) that this means that he will be the GOD that you will forever be with.  That would be like telling you that every person you find yourself attracted to and having a relationship with is your “happy ever after rainbows and butterflies”.  You and I both know life don’t work that way.  Anubis could be the “one” though, you never know.  On the other hand, he might just be the God that is introducing you to the other Egyptian deities, or he might just be helping you realize you are really Pagan, or it could be that he is essential to helping you realize the relationship between life and death, or he could want to introduce you to his half- brother Horus, or his mom Nephythys you never know. Just like every person we fall in love with, might no be the “one”. But they might introduce us to the “one” or they might just be an essential lesson we need to learn so that we can be better people and be better at a relationship when we do meet a person we can settle down with.

Ten years, twenty years later, thirty years later, you might stop long enough to contemplate your path and be tickled to death to realize Anubis has walked with you that long, and loved you through it all….and you are happier than a pig in a pigpen.  Who knows?  But, you will never figure that out…if you do not open a book of mythology first, and figure out who Anubis is; rather than depend on a Hollywood or bad Scifi movies to define him for you. You, and only you, can do the work and research and practice that it will take to get to know Anubis.  I can relate a few things about him to you, I can even give you “hints” to point you in the right direction, but when it comes down to it…I cannot make you put in the time, money, effort, or energy into building a relationship with deity, just like I cannot “force” you to date someone and really listen to them and get to know them.

I hope this analogy helped you, no one shared anything like this with me when I was starting out I was just given a syllabus and a “way of doing things” and it was after many years that I came to figure out that there was a much more simple organized way of approaching deity if you tried. I pray these books are the keys that opens up the door to wherever it is you are meant to go; and I also hope you realize that our “myths” are no different than any other spiritual books they are analogies, metaphors, and sometimes true regurgitation of events and are what draws you to a deity because you begin to realize they too walked the earth like you and experienced loss, happiness, pleasure, excitement, wandering, acquired skills, etc.  I also want you all to know, that my email box is always open…as is my heart.   

Thank you for the gift of your time!