Buttermilk and Cornbread

Times to make amends, and move on further down the road; I have enjoyed posting my thoughts, and what I have learned from time to time.  At times, I realize I was “downright preachy” and at times I was “really whiny” but then there were times of “strength” and stretching out my wings to fly.  All of this was done with all of you; and I thank you for taking the time to read it, and comment.  

When I got to the point in my life when I realize that what I blogged would not only be “criticized” but “magnified” looking for error and possibly as a “bad image” as what Wiccan clergy and leaders can say and cannot say in public I realized; my life had changed.  Southern Fried Pagan was a blog set up to help share with others my feelings on various things; but truthfully one cannot and should not as Clergy share their feelings freely without realizing that they are an example to someone and so they should be given a filter when they get that license.  Wanting to be the best example possible (yeah I really want to be good at what I do), I found that rather than publish my meanderings of the mind to the public; I was writing them down “for only me”….and I am okay with that; some things should only be for you…and possibly burnt or published after you die; whichever the people left behind choose to do with it.

Somewhere around year two blogging, I realized my passion for the Path had gotten concentrated really on my own personal path which was Egyptian while my public life was one of service to an Eclectic Wiccan church but the sheer doggedness and stubbornness of my personality would not let me “give up” or “give in” the blog…I thought I might still have something to teach, share, or say and so I kept on a blogging even if it was with the help of others who have a gift for writing.  Thank you Jenn Kahn, Kevin Red Patrick, Julie Jeznach, and even Ashlee Misee of Teflon Cauldron days!

What I did not get to talk about on my blog since it was Southern Fried Pagan was my interest in the Old Occult authors, or in what is considered “High Magick” or “Energy Work” I just kept it sweet, southern, and clean…and no matter what I posted; I found some person in the community seemed to always think it was about them.  Thus I started posting recipes, bath salts, how to make incenses, and encouraging people to be happy, and accept love from the universe cause these are such simple principles and cannot be re-instated enough; and they kept me safe.  

I am not really tolerant of whiners, or bitchers, or people who slander, gossip, or stir the pot in a community.  So no matter what has gone on in my personal life for years, I have not commented on it here…and so I asked myself; what has been the point? The point was, I got to grow and think aloud with words with you all…the point was I got to learn discipline, not my voice really, but something akin to what my higher self would want me to say and then it became MY VOICE.  The point was, I got to see and meet a lot of kin and kin folk that “related” and understood that here in the Bible belt there was some huge moving and shaking going on…and they were in the form of Wiccan churches.  Yep, that is right I helped co-found one and it has made me grow more than miracle weed, and I am not the only one folks there are more and more being founded every day. (Thank you Goddess for that!)

I am not a perfect person, I am far from it, the way I see it is that if the Goddess and God can use me or even see me as a possible leader of any kind then I know for certain they can use anyone.  Seriously, they can!  I have shared with you all my transformation from being a fiery personality, to more of a stable Earthy woman…the irony being that in my twenties I could not even find that part of myself.  I have withstood death, abuse, loss, bankruptcy, heartbreak, betrayal, all kinds of crap…just like you all.  I have raised three children over 23 and now I am doing it all again with a three year old; I was an iniate, a dedicant, a maiden, a Highpriestess, and now I am Wiccan Clergy.  I have been Maiden, Mother, something in between, and now I am walking with the Crone through menopause which is really sort of cool.  I am not dead, very far from it and happy to be so…I am just transformed.

I have walked a cycle of life, in these little size 7 ½ feet and I want to walk another cycle…where it leads me I have no idea…but I know service, worship, being a better Clergy, building a better community, enjoying what the Gods have given me and all forms of abundance and love is part of it….and that means you all I have to thank cause you have helped me get here.

I have not a clue, if I will ever blog again…but if I do, I will pick a less confining name, and take my time before I leap in because now I have come to REALLY understand the power of words (the irony of this statement is not lost on me since I teach it to first degrees ) .

I encourage you all to know that you are Sacred, perfect as you are, so loved that you have no idea, and worthy of all that love and the best in life.  I pray if you long for a Wiccan/Pagan/Witchy group that if you cannot Find one then you Found one; we could use more people like us…we make life colorful, magical, and full of potential.  Lastly, be patient with yourself and with others, babies take time to be born and so do you. Remember, children of the earth that you are never alone and the time for action is not tomorrow or yesterday…it is always and always will be NOW!

"Before I went to bed at night, my daddy would share a glass of buttermilk and cornbread with me in a beautiful Tall glass with a spoon. I loved the taste of bitter and sweet mixed together the cold and the dry textures all mixing like a typhoon in my mouth...."

Thank you for all your time, and energy…and stop in to see me sometime at the Temple of the Sacred Gift-ATC (www.tsg-atc.org) I will be there, with a glass of sweet tea and a smile on my face, and a bear hug…cause if I know anything at all, I know that you can never love people too much (so let me love you). 

Blow out the Candles and make a Wish....

Every year, I post on my Blog about what I have
learned and decided to "let go" from the previous year so that I can celebrate getting a year older and hopefully wiser.  It was really hard for me this year to post; I was busy being clergy visiting hospitals; and running to do handfasting rituals, keeping the Temple workshops flowing, and dealing with the day to day counseling that I have grown into doing.

This does not count, that I am a wife.  I love my husband and we have four children and four grandchildren.  Somehow, we try to make time for them also.  Yes, I have immediate family two brothers and nieces and nephews galore...and all of these people I am glad to say I care about too. 

A very best friend made my birthday cake this year, it was a Sugar Skull skeleton that was filled with eyeballs and truffles.  Bright Pink and white I smiled, for it was the color of friendship.  One eye of the Skeleton had an eye missing...and while I felt love looking at the cake; I could not help but ponder the significance of that one empty eye socket.

Every year, I walk some of my students through a Odin ritual.  In this ritual they come to understand that they cannot "gain wisdom and understanding" without suffering and sacrifice.  It is not the kind of suffering and sacrifice that we deal with day to day but the kind the god ODIN agreed too.  He wanted the gift of wisdom, and to get that he had to "willingly sacrifice something" .  If you know this story, you realize Odin gives up his right eye; in exchange for one drink from this well.  Of course, Odin does this and because he does he gains the wisdom that he is seeking.

I do not ask my students to give me anything; I convey to them the idea that the Gods and Goddesses will ask you to willingly "sacrifice" something important to you for you to "gain something" much more important for the world you live in.  The key, I remind them, is to realize you must "willingly do it".  The ritual is over...hopefully they understand.

I look at the beautifully wrought cake, my buddy has made out of the love of her heart for me.  I gaze at the eyeballs laying all about it and notice once again the empty socket.  I see the convergence of what I have shared with others, and what I am being asked to do.  I lean forward, and joyfully agree...."Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Sonya...Happy birthday to you....Now blow out the candles!!!" I hear everyone yell gleefully.  I close my eyes.

I blow out every last candle, and there were many to blow out and not one missed.  Thank you, I say to Isis; and yes I agree to whatever it is I must do for the gift that you would like me to have.

I have given up, any outside dreams of traveling the rounds as a celebrity stylist; or futher developing pinup hairstyles with photographers I adore.  I gave up the idea of being a gypsy and touring forever with one band or another playing for whatever I could pull together.  I gave up the idea of being single and traveling the world in the second phase of my life after my eldest son went to college. I gave up the dream of being a professor.  I gave up moving out of Memphis, Tennessee, and decided to stay and help the Gods and Goddesses and Spirits of this city with whatever they asked me to do.  I have given up most of my spare time, and any hobbies.  I have given up hair appointments, nail appointments, facials, massages, and extra special things like faster cell phones to serve.  You would have thought; that there was nothing else I could give up...but then there is my right eye!

I hope this doesn't seem negative because at the age of 43 I am calm; and smile and laugh to myself.  Whatever it is I am asked to give up, or do at this point in my life...I am there.  I understand that I do not truly understand.  I know that I know nothing.  I see that I really do not see.  I comprehend that feelings are not always reliable.  I know that if I died I understand what my eulogy would probably be; and what songs I would like sung and whom would be there...and I am at peace with that.

I was told once, that there is a warehouse and in it is a door that stores every imagined "treasure" that you could want in your possible human life.  These things are dispersed to us as we need them or ask for them.  However, it seems (I was told) that many of us will not collect or even get a chance to glimpse our true horde the Divine wants to give us because we are not listening; because we do not ask.

I blew out all of those candles, and everyone asked "What did you wish for?"  I wished for that " key to the treasure that the is on it's way to me" I said.  They all laughed not understanding the reference or getting my meaning. 

Today, I found a key in the parking lot of the hospital before we got in our car to leave visiting our member that is "under the weather".  I almost missed that key, being so busy thinking of all the things I had to do today; and all the things that had to be accomplished for the week.  BUT I did not miss it! 

Spirit, has a way of responding to us if only we listen....if only we look...if only we pay attention.  It is trying to interact, and co-create with us, and would love to give us all we think we need and want and more. 

It has been another year.  Maybe next year, I will be wiser because I got a key....and I gave up my "right eye" to drink from a well. 

Thank you for the gift of your time!  Please remember, if you do not ask; then get out of the way...you will never be able to receive.  This is what I have learned this past year; and after three years of persistently blogging to you all....I want to thank you for still reading, and sharing and even CARING about my opinion.  Thank you

Happy Mabon: Egyptian-Heka Style

So if you are Wiccan/Pagan or a Witch that walks the Wheel of the Year (this means celebrating our Sabbats) you know that MABON is on the horizon.  But here in the Midsouth, Autumn is not even tipping our trees.  The leaves are not falling, and the hottest most humid months are at their peak.  I think that because the Wheel of the Year is based more on the UK that at times it is really hard to adapt here in the United States; but that is another blog/story altogether.

If you walk the Egyptian Path like me, you might find it difficult to find our Wheel and correspondences at all in the Celtic/British  Wheel.  So today, I am going to help you find it...it took me a while; but I did.  Mabon is not just about the Autumn harvest it is about the Son Mabon (Lord of Light) of the Goddess (Modron) coming into his own, as his father MAKES a Sacrifice for the Greater good of the whole.  It seems Mabon the young God was hid away and protected by several animals until he grew strong enough to come forth and help the people of the world.

Well, strangely enough this story very easily corresponds with Isis/Horus/Osiris.  Isis had to hide her son Horus, he is well hidden and grows strong and withstands many lessons and challenges and is taught by Thoth the Ibis, and Serqet the Scorpion, and Wadjet the Cobra, and Heket the Frog, and Tauret the Hippo.  When the time is right, he emerges and is ready to face of against Set the God of Chaos so that things can be set back into place...and that the wheel of Human years will flow with "the stars".  The Celestial Map that the Egyptians walk by in short more Astrology and Sun guiding you externally, and the Moon is used to illuminate the lessons of the Sun.

Some facts about HORUS and his names because these are the qualities of him you want to concetrate on for MABON see which name he brings to you (Ask him personally to help you know which one to use)!  Use that name working with him until the next Sabbat/turning of the wheel! 

Harsiesis (Horus son of Isis) This Horus was the son of Isis and Osiris. He was conceived magically after the death of Osiris and brought up by Isis on a floating island in the marshes of Buto. The child was weak and in constant danger from the scheming of his wicked uncle Seth, who sent serpents and monsters to attack him. But his mother, Isis was great in the magical arts and she warded off this evil by using a spell against creatures biting with their mouths and stinging with their tails, and the young Horus survived and grew.

Harpokrates (The infant Horus) As a child he represented the new born sun and was often pictured being suckled by Isis. he was usually represented as a seated child, sucking his thumb, his head was shaved except for the sidelock of youth. Even as a child, he wore the royal crown and uraeus.

Horus Behudety In the form of Horus of Edfu, he represented the midday sun. This Horus was worshipped in the western Delta and later, as his cult spread south into Upper Egypt, a cult center was established in Edfu. Horus of Edfu fights a great battle against Seth and an army of conspirators. He is pictured as a winged sun-disk or as a hawk headed lion.

Harendotes (Horus the avenger of his father).
Heru, Hor, Harendotes/Har-nedj-itef (Horus the Avenger),

 

So if you are Egyptian and you wanted to relate this all to your Pagan/Wiccan/Witch sisters and brothers what are you to do? 




1. Do a ISIS and Horus ritual!

EGYPTIAN MABON RITUAL
by Rev. Sonya Miller Egyptian-Heka Tradition

Items needed:  1. Red carnelian, Blue Lapis Lazulu (these are to represent the two eyes of Horus) 

2. White feather, or Ostrich feather for Maat  (you should always have one of these on your Egyptian Altar)

3.  Sugar cookies shaped like triangles (a modern representation of shat- cake) thought to be his favorite

4.  Dark brown beer for HORUS 

5. Milk for ISIS 

6.  Rose petals for Isis 

7.  Honey for her the best you can afford.

8.  Ankh on altar 

9.  White and Black candle

10.  Cauldron

11.  Charcoals to burn incense on

(12)  Incense (Rosemary is always associated with Horus, Khufru incense is my favorite, Juniper berries ground always work well, and Frankincense and Myrrh, Sandalwood and Rose) 

 (13)  Paper and Pen

 

The Spiritual Lesson you are supposed to be gaining from Mabon is there in the Mythos of Isis and Horus.  Isis has given birth to a new creative being (we call him Horus); and she and many other Gods and Goddesses have fought to protect that new idea/creative project/ physical manifestation all year round.  Now is the time to THANK HER for doing this, and to ask that Idea she has helped you co-create come into Physical Manifestation or form so that you can see it, and work with it, and walk with it yourself.  The symbol for that Manifestation is Horus.  For he is the new Young Strong God.

 

Cast a Circle of Protection (I say a pyramid)  make sure you do not forget below you is Geb, and above you is NUT.   Invite in Isis and Horus.  Take your piece of paper and start writing down all you are grateful for that has happened since the last Sabbat to this one (take the time to figure out what that period is BEFORE circle)  Roll it up loosely sprinkle some of that incense in it...burn it.  Say THank you ISIS, sing her a song, dance wildly, or just send her all the joy in your heart. 

 

Next, think of the best and strongest thing in your life or idea that has manifested a possibility that you might want to develop.  Mine is a "writing project"  pick yours!  Now write that down, and blow on it and say Horus at least Nine times....(with the name you feel intuitevely he sent you or use all the names...it cannot hurt)  Burn it, and as you do look at the smoke and flame and visualize it transforming to a HUGE BIRD flapping its wings until it rises and becomes a huge SUN.......Hold up your offering to Horus and thank him before hand.  NOW tell him what you are going to do to make that dream manifest in the next Sabbat.

 

Bless your food, eat a cookie, drink some of the beer and the milk (pick your order how you want to drink it I use mild first then beer for my tummy) 

 

Take down the pyramid.

Take the ashes outside and when they are done burning...BLOW THEM TO THE WIND.

Go inside and look at your calendar and start setting aside time each day to make that dream a reality.  Does it mean waking up an hour early?  Does it mean no television or less facebook.  Remember you Promised Horus you would make it happen with him.  Now the rest of this period everytime you feel like procrastinating or putting it off or feel stuck, call on Horus (use that sacred name he gave you) and know IT IS DONE, just go collect your Prize!

 

Duat Horus!

Duat Isis!

 

Enjoy ...and if you have any questions please feel free to POST THEM UNDER THIS.  I will be gone for the weekend at Gathering of the Tribes 2013, see you when I return.

 

 

 

 

If it don't take the first time, can I get a second dunkin'?

I get allot of emails and people asking me about Initiations.  They want to know if I am "self-initiated" or did I have a teacher.  They want to know if they can "self-initiate" and if so why do they want or need a teacher.  Here in the South, we have some deep "Christian" ways of thinking that go down deeper than the psyche possibly into our bones that we are not aware of.  I think this is why this question comes up allot down here.  I am going to try and answer this question; and I am going to honestly share my OPINION.  This does not make me an expert, just someone who has been around a bit!

First, I want to specify what Initiation is; according to Webster it is the following:  "Initiation is a rite of passage marking entrance or acceptance into a group or society. It could also be a formal admission to adulthood in a community or one of its formal components. In an extended sense it can also signify a transformation in which the initiate is 'reborn' into a new role. Examples of initiation ceremonies might include Hindu diksha, Christian baptism or confirmation, Jewish bar or bar mitzvah, acceptance into a fraternal organization, secret society or religious order, or graduation from school or recruit training."

So if we look at this definition is is HIGHLY Unlikely that you can give yourself an initiation.  For how can you declare yourself part of a group if you are the only person?  If, however you are trying to declare to the Universe or the Source that you are now officially a "Pagan or Wiccan"  then I guess you could do that by yourself.  I find it baffling that in the year 2013 we whom are Pagan/Wiccan/Witch still remain Solitary and are "non social" and "very judgemental" of other groups, circles, covens, and Pagan organizations which will gladly offer these services to you in exchange for your discipline, time, commitment, and exchange of energy.  How are we to be "light bearers" and "be one with the earth" if we are so standoffish and solitary?  (Notice I ask this question but cannot answer it).

In my tradition,  Initiations mean something.  They mean you have crossed a fork in the road, devoted a year or more of your life, that you have devoted yourself intensely to the God or Goddess of your choice, that you have given all you have and you would like your community, your family and your teachers to still continue on with you down the road you choose.  They mean that you are ready to learn, and to grow, and to share yourself with the world.  They mean that you are ready to "set yourself aside" and try to work with others for common goals that you think will help the city you live in and yourself.  It means you stand for something, and you are willing to accept a few "responsibilities" and "roles" and the expectations that come with them.  It also means, you will not walk that path alone ever...that I (if I am your teacher) will give you part of myself and stay connected to you forever.  That is the deal I made with my Goddess Isis, and thus she too will always be there for you if you need her.

 

Back in the late 80's early nineties many of us were initiated in a way that reminds you of a fraternity rite.  We were picked up without warning, we were blind folded,  a bag placed on our head, our hands tied together, and we had to sit in a car or back of a truck and ride not knowing where we were going.  When we arrived at the destination the bag was removed, our feet tied together, and then the Priestess started to ask us questions that we should be able to answer if we had studied diligently and paid attention.  Then you were anointed, cleansed, and saged.  You would be unblindfolded, then untied on your hands, then your feet, and this would be so that you could "see the new path before you", and so that you could "use your hands for the craft" and "walk the path before you in dignity and grace" .  You would take an oath to your High priestess, and Circle and community and Gods .  You would mean it and the difference would be palpable. Then you were measured and given a cord by your High priestess and it was understood that you and she were tied together like a mother and baby; and all your brother and sisters in the coven would rejoice.  You now were initiated!

 

I have done some of these (minus the putting a bag on someones head) and I have experienced it.  It is a tad bit scary but this is about trust.  Do you trust your Gods?  Do you trust yourself?  Do you trust your circle/tribe/community?  If so then you have put yourself in a very uncomfortable place...and now you are ready TO GROW!

 

Today in 2013 I will not blindfold you, I am not going to bind you like this...but I am going to make sure you feel like you are on the spot.  I am going to make you feel a tad bit uncomfortable, I am going to make it sacred, and reverent, and you are going to answer questions to prove that you have learned what you needed to in that year and a day, you are going to take an oath, you are going to hear the words of the Goddess and the words of the God, you are going to be reminded of the ethics and values of the Tradition you have been trained in! (However, none of that can happen unless you have gone to your classes and turned in your lessons for a year and a day not missing more than three sessions and turned in a BOS to your teacher that she/he approved several weeks before). Yes, you have to have discipline and focus to be part of our tradition.  Then, your teacher and I will give you a cord and explain to you the significance of this act.  The Clergy will share once again with you the tools of our Path, you will be reminded that not just "anyone" needs to know the secrets of our traditions because they not all will understand them and we will anoint your third eye, your lips, your throat, your heart, your hands, your belly, your feet, and you will be iniated!  Everyone will celebrate, you will be hugged allot, and at the end you are given a graduation certificate.

 

CAN YOU DO THIS ALONE AT HOME?  You answer me .

 

 

The following Rites of Passages are also Initiations:  Baby blessings, Weddings, Graduations, Funerals.  NONE OF THESE do you do alone...so why would you do your most important decision in the world alone ? (Well I thought it was one of my most important things I have ever done maybe you don't think this)

 

 

 

You would think the majority of students in our classes would be young twenty somethings fresh faced and eager for the Craft not knowing the consequences of the decision to be Pagan forever. However, I can tell you after all of these years the majority of people that come to learn and take classes at the Temple are not.  They are people that have been solitary for ten or more years.  They know basics; they have read hundreds of books they come to learn a "tradition" the come to learn structure and the "order" in which to do things.  They have already figured out that "intent" is nice but knowing how to formulate the spell is really more important than just copying and pasting from Facebook.  In classes, they are helped to find their OWN personal path, they find their OWN God and Goddess, and they are forced (through their own consent and life) to work only on a few things for a year and a day and do them well, they are forced to work with others and learn to get along and deal with "discord" gracefully and wisely.  They come out learning skills that help not only them spiritually but practically.  I know I did and still do.

 

To be a THIRD degree in the Temple means you have devoted at least (and this means you have not missed a single anything and were a genius) three and a half years of your life studying and applying that knowledge and contributing to a community.  Once you have done this, you are ready (we feel) to lead a group and start a circle within the community thus contributing to the greater whole and sharing YOUR PERSONAL gifts!

 

I pray now that I have explained what Initiation is and how we do it you can answer this question better.  Oh, and if you have been iniated in the Craft and you decide to get married and start a family, and then revisit it later...you can always pick up where you left off.  YOU DO NOT have to get "Re- baptized" or ask the Gods to observe your decision again" :)  We are Pagans after all.

 

THANK YOU for the gift of your time....

 

She was as quiet as the raindrops hitting a tin roof....

I haven't spoken to you all in a while.  I did not know what to say.  I felt whatever I said it would be read under a microscope, picked at, scraped at, and possibly misconstrued.  Then I realized, sometimes silence is okay; but being "scared to be judged" is not.  Let us all be honest here, you would think with me being Clergy of a Wiccan Church I would expect to be judged, and scraped over the coals.  You do and that is by the Christians usually, or people that just really ""have no idea" what Wiccan/Witch/Pagan is; BUT you do not expect fellow Pagans to do the same; but they will.  What sets an Elder Clergy apart from a "pretty new only four year Clergy" apart is the attitude.  They have all been burned, and hurt and threatened at many points and probably continually but their hides are thick and their shields even thicker and they have been there and done that and realize that you "cannot please everyone" and that "someone has to do the work". Yet, they still love and have compassion and take chances on new people every day!

By the way, believe it or not, Pagan Clergy is a fastly growing phenomenon in the South.  Especially in the ATC (Aquarian Tabernacle Church) which we are an affiliate of.  It is not that I lacked training, my local elders gave me classes.  My Midsouth elders heaped more classes on me, I have read more than twenty books on it and I am constantly increasing my library to be better at it; but in reality there is NO real preparation that can happen to prepare you for the transition from Highpriestess of a coven to Clergy of a Temple.  You have to get that the "old fashioned" way my Elders did through trials by fire.

Let it be stated at this vantage, that the Elders here in the Midsouth/South  are the best I have ever met.  They have stamina, they have passion, their magick is incredible, their wisdom deep, and their love and acceptance for the new Clergy makes one feel right at home.  When you hurt, they listen and they will pat your back from time to time but the best thing they do for me is push me and prod me and make me jump back in there and believe in the "work" even when I do not "mentally" feel it.  In fact, they have taught me that "following the will of the Gods is paramount" and that to "serve others" and "share the sacraments of the Gods" with others my real calling.  I felt the call, I was naturally a driven person but for some reason we people that want to "give and share with others" seem to think we can please everyone.  I am one of those people; and guess what I cannot.

I share this with you because I want you to understand that Pagan Clergy are not super human, we have frailties and flaws and we learn from our mistakes just like everyone else.  Sure we know a few things, maybe a lot of knowledge, but what makes a great Clergy seems to be time, consistency, and love oh my Goddess the love just pouring through you like an invocation that never stops...."Isis, please use me today.  Isis please help me be better.  Isis, please help me listen with your ears.  Isis, please as I walk your path may I be considerate to others.  Isis, show me how to help my community."   Then one day you realize it is this constant "nagging" that shows you are insecure, sure you want to serve but you don't exactly know how to do that and so you have to come and "trust" a power higher than yourself to walk you through it.  You are constantly improvising; gathering knowledge as you go understanding that every case is different and every situation new and unfolding.

I thought I was a horrible candidate for clergy five years ago.  I probably was, but my Elders saw something in me (just like my Gods did) that I never could see.  It might have been my determination, or my passion for my Gods but they have held up a mirror to show me parts of my self and have taught me to love all of them even the "darker ones". Through this, I have come to accept "dark and light" in Sonya and have come to see that it all works as balance and counter balance and that all of my skills that are called into play are "light and dark" at times.  All of life is not happy...in our circles we point out that life is where "joy and sorrow, pain and happiness all come together and meet making one energy".  How funny I could say that line for more than five years, and yet until recently could not apply it to myself.

 We women had gathered for a healing circle.  Beside me were two mighty sisters and Crones, next to me a sister I have come to love more and more; the energy was being raised for healing. We all intoned wordlessly together and there in that circle patterns and harmonies and melodies arose!  Each woman singing her own natural tone, her own natural rhythmn and it was beautiful to hear!  As the energy wound down I looked over and saw one of my own community sisters crying; her pain was so fresh it hurt me to watch.  Without thought, I ran to her and put her in my arms and held her head to my shoulder and rocker her until she was calm and okay.  We toned a sorrow howl together for a moment, it was just her and me though all those women were still singing.  

RIGHT THEN I remembered telling an Elder Clergy I would never be that kind of woman, the kind that babied people and held them while they cried; I did not see that I was capable of it; but that woman had evolved and she had embraced change and sorrow and joy and happiness...and there Me and she was and I KNEW.  I was going to be good at this job!  Hell, I might already be good!  

I could credit all the Ministers who coddled me and fed my spirit (White, Black, Christian, Catholic, Presbyterian, UU, Episcopalean, Pagan Female, Male).  I can point out journeys, or insights I have had from my Gods that verify this path for me....but none of that has mattered until that "moment" a few weeks ago.

So if you don't like this post; ignore it.  It is okay, NO ONE is for everybody!  However, if you can relate and this post resonates with you...pass it on.  It is important (I think) for people to realize Pagan Clergy are human, and we learn together as the WHOLE community grows (and if you are pagan that means you!).  I am so grateful and so very happy that this is my path, and that I have the opportunity to share that joy with so many of you!

THIS week...remember that all of you is Sacred even the parts you do not like.  Remember that all of you is necessary there is only ONE you and you are the most unique wonderful you ever!

As always...thank you for the gift of your time.

Pagans and Pride go together like Bees and Honey

MIDSOUTH PRIDE 2011

Midsouth Pride 2011

Me, and some of my closest witchling friends speak of life as not “spiraling out of control” but “spiraling back around”.  This phrase to us is like when you find yourself in a moment in life and you realize that everything you have ever worked for and believed has led you to that spot.  It’s your witchy “aha!” moment.  It makes you get all goosebumpy, and choked up you feel glorious and thank-full.  You experience many times like this in a lifetime, but strangely enough they outweigh the normal every day “aha” moments you get while fixing the plumbing under the sink! This Saturday was one of those glorious “I felt it” “I knew it” and felt “exhilarated” moments. 

When you are younger, you might have it in your mind that you have reached the pinnacle of ethics for your life when what you “say you believe” you “walk”.  That was a decision I made for myself and my family when I was in my twenties.  Sometimes, I have missed the mark.  Sometimes I have not liked the “physical requirements” or “long reaching results” of played out ethics but as you grow older you choose how to invest your time more wisely.  As a Pagan it is really hard to “choose” to come out to your friends and family.  I have done both, some with great results others not really smashing but either way I made that choice and found liberation in it.  

I am a Libra.  I am telling you this for a reason, while I claim it has little to do with my day to day life it has a lot to do with how I see and approach the world.  I was a student of the humanities (Philosophy, Political Science, Sociology, Psychology, and Anthropology) that got fed up when I realized I was being trained to espouse and promulgate theories for other people to act upon.  Something about that rubbed me the wrong way, until the day I turned in my resignation from graduate school.  I told them I wanted to live out my theories on the best way to live my life.  Pagan, Wiccan, Witch was one of them the other was acting and doing something about the world we lived in.

I believe helping co-found the Temple with Amos Kelley, Brian Miller, and Allison Hancock was just that acting on my Pagan principles and offering to others a “umbrella” of protection so that they could worship in a safe environment without worries or fears.  It developed into being a home for people that fit no where else in the communities.  It developed into a Temple full of people that have political and social ideas that feel strongly about them that wanted to do something in the real world.  

One year ago my members participated in Midsouth Pride 2010 and had a blast.  I stayed at home with a new born; and the rest of the Temple went to Festival of Souls in the woods.  When my members came back they were determined that the next year we would fully as a Temple participate and put our actions where our words were.  We would march, we would have a float, we would have a booth and I agreed to the idea.  For two years now we have happily supported the Memphis Gay and Lesbian Community center sending them food for the pantries and clothing for those in need.  The Temple and the MLGCC has slowly but surely formed a bond that has grown stronger every month.  I am proud of this accomplishment but I wanted more.

I have no idea how to build a float.  I am not really gifted in crafty areas, but several of the people in my Temple are.  I do hair, I build wigs, I paint canvases on people, I have a way with color, and I am a great decorator---but I have not built a float.  Quickly my members brought me stacks of forms to fill out, I did.  Quickly they went to meetings and listened and paid for our spaces.  Quickly they volunteered and went to float building classes.  Lists were made, Ideas were drawn out, materials were acquired and we went to work.  Two weeks, every night after they were out of work and some after their night shifts people came over.

First we painted a canvas in swirling colors.  Next we painted and traced Temples from various civilizations on the back, the Stonehenge, the Pyramids, the Greek Parthenon.  Then we paper- mached the Goddess.  It took two layers, we had to wait for her to dry.  Then we painted her with a kilz coat, it dried and the next morning I repainted her with help from Michelle.  Then, Allison and Katie painted her with vines and flowers.  Angela and I and everyone made letters with aluminum foil cardboard, tissue paper….TEMPLE OF THE SACRED GIFT, and TSG for the back of the float.  We cut out cardboard for the sides, front, back, to cover the wheels.  We constructed a way to hang the tarp out of pipes (thank you Dwayne) he also devised a way to bolt her into the trailer!  We covered the boxes with table clothes, we pasted the letters on one by one.  We took a trellis and cut it to size and then wound fabric and vines on it.  We made an altar, and glued candles incense holders and vines around it.  I made a head out of a wig model, painted it, gave her a beautiful wig and headpiece with feathers and we glued it onto her head.  We made arms out of chicken wire and paper mache.  We cut and painted pentagrams to go in each hand.  We made a rainbow out of construction paper and painted it. …and each night as tired as we were.  No one bitched, no one snapped, everyone was happy and worked.  One night Katie says, this is cool because you know tonight we are all connected to everyone else doing this tonight for a general purpose; and I knew we were.

I have never worked so hard on something that I knew had no monetary return!  Yep, that is right…never.  Allison designed and made beautiful bright orange handbills with our Temple website on it and a large pentagram, we made brochures, printed more tee shirts.  In the end we were ready to go.  8-am we set up our booth, and filled it with incenses and crystals, and necklaces, and athames and candles with our Temple flag hanging up proudly right next to the Human rights Campaign booth.  10-am we were putting together the float in the parking lot.  12-30 we were eating quickly.  1-pm we were lining up with baskets of candy and handbills.  The parade began to start, and we marched!  

I have never had such a moment where I knew I was doing the right thing!  I have never had such a moment where I was so proud!  I have never marched in a parade, I have never had so many hug me and tell me “how proud they were of us!”.  I have never had so many people say “I had no idea that you had a legal organization out there for us!”  As we marched, we all smiled and laughed and hugged people we knew on Beale Street.  We all looked so proud, we were in our element.  We were coming out as the rest of the people were coming out!  We were marching for equal rights for everyone understanding that this is something dear to the Pagan’s heart.  Many people say they are open to “sexual orientation” but few will get out there and show their face and say I AM FOR THIS. I did that, and I am amazed at myself and comrades for doing it together...we grew into our heroes!

The single most important thing I feel I have ever done with the Temple is work my butt off for a float.  I do not care that it cost more than it will ever make in money.  I care that we in that moment came together and showed our city that we feel this way about this issue.  That we not only talked the talk but walked the walk; I pray that you too have moments in your life when you realize that sometimes being public and taking a stand is what is needed for this world.  Adopting dogs is great, organic gardening is fantastic, giving food and clothing to charities is applaud able, but sometimes we need to do more.  For the Temple, we did more and for this reason I am proud to say I have helped co-found the most instrumental thing in my life that has helped me grow and dismiss boundaries in my life.  Thank you Isis for sending me here!  Thank you Isis for everyone you sent to my life!  Thank you Midsouth Pride for treating us so wonderful!

Next year…we are going to win a float trophy!  Just you wait and see!  What have you done, that you are proud of that gave you that AHA moment and made you realize you were WALKING YOUR TALK?

I would rather run with the turkeys than fry with the chickens!

Hey ya’ll!  Do you remember when you were a little one and told your parents “I cannot wait until I grow up then I will never ever have people tell me what to do!” ?  I do.  I also remember my mom laughing at my naivety and saying…”Baby, no matter how old you get you always have to answer to someone.  There are always rules to follow.  There is always a pecking order.”  I was absolutely positive she was wrong.  I just knew it.  But here I am, fastly approaching another year realizing…she was right.

When you run a coven, or Wiccan church usually there is some sort of teaching program in place.  When you are first starting out you think…”Finally, now things can be done my way!” but even this is the folly of youth.  First, if you are a Highpriestess usually you are teaching a tradition or sharing what you have learned.  This is why you are the Highpriestess you have training, you know a thing or two and thus when it gets down to making a structure for your coven or group you are going to teach “what you know”.  What you know is limited by “what you learned” and thus, whether you like it or not rules fall into place and “certain ways of doing things”.  Structures start descending like gossamer cloths from the heaven and drape upon the “abstract concepts you are sharing with others" .   Alot of times you very quickly begin to discover that what worked in a "women's only circle" or in the mid-west or somewhere else does NOT work where you are. Then you go back to the drawing board....only to admit "things cannot be done your way, they have to be done for the group dynamic."

Next, you find even if you are claiming “there are no leaders we rotate” well those are the leaders.  The person who started the “group” is the leader.  The person who writes the ritual is “the leader” and so to some extent no matter how “punk rock” you are like me you find that your anarchist heart has to resign to the order of the universe.  Everyone has a “way” of setting up their altars; what tools they use and what incense is used for what spell.  Even if you use books all the time, because you are a newbie and had no teacher to tell you the herbs or the proper color usage you are “following someone’s rules and ways of doing things”. I am sure Scott Cunningham was the teacher of half the witches of the eighties and a lot in the nineties.  So if you only have book learning…it’s okay but you have to admit you learned a structure. 

Outside of that, if you mix in the bigger Pagan community you find there are Elders and leaders of other organizations that do things differently than you do.  In the case of Elders they have been there for quite some time, and if you ask “respectfully and with an open ear and mind” you might just learn "their way".  Elders and other Highpriests and Highpriestesses are also another “structure or group” you find yourself mingling with if you stroll very long in the community.  Sometimes, you find that you might “tangle” or get “rattled” by some beliefs or practices of another group.  You might not choose to personally endorse or follow their beliefs but that is okay.  That is why you have a group to begin with, to worship with those who you do agree with and who you can get along with.  BUT what is not okay, is to “be mean” or “harass” the other group.  Because, we all share the same well and we all drink from that well that the Goddess freely gives us we are all united under the belief system of Paganism.  Thus, once again we have a structure within a structure.

To make this one step more complicated, if you are sponsored entity like my Temple you probably have several boards above and below you that you have to also listen to and get along with.  I know we have a members council so that all people have a voice and can suggest and help the Temple move in the direction they feel is important.  We also have a Clergy board, and with five clergy you find that in reality you are either rotating for everyone to get their way from time to time or compromising because everyone has a great idea and we want to merge those ideas for the best of the whole.  Above me, I have the ATC Highpriestess to answer to and an Arch priest.  Now, do not get me wrong they do not give orders and me have to run like a chicken with my head cut off.  BUT, they do have to be informed about everything and guess what?  They give great advice!  They know a lot of things I cannot possibly even think off! Thus I learn "their structured" ways of doing things...and another layer of meringue is piled upon the pie.

If you throw all those ingredients together, not even including that more than half of my day goes to building and sorting and posting about church stuff, rituals, workshops, and activities.  One day you wake up and realize your life is both really full and structured or really chaotic and almost toppling over and I like the former not the latter!  So here I stand with tattoos still, various piercings sealed shut but still scarring, with my “Death Cab for Cutie” tee shirt and my still wild hair to only smile.  Contrary to my little maiden ideas “answering to someone” is okay.  Contrary to my wild teenage rebellious “don’t tell me what to do!”  I find myself asking “what should I do?” and "what is best for the whole"?  In spite of my Twenty year old phrase of “stop talking down to me!” , I realize no one ever was talking down to me…they were guiding me, mentoring me, parenting me just like the God and Goddess does. I have to remind myself from time to time with the younger ones...I was there once, I do remember that perspective and they are not wrong...just not seeing another aspect of the diamond.

I have saved the most important for last the BIG bosses.  Your personal God and Goddess and your guides are always advising you, constantly rooting for you.  If they say…hey take another road not that one and you find you avoid a huge wreck or maybe just a  traffic jam are you really going to ignore them the next time they give you advice?  I hope you are smarter than that!  Did you know that if you are lucky enough to be “chosen and called” by a deity to run a group of any type first and foremost you have to answer to them, listen to them, do as they ask. (yep, you have another boss)  A Clergy, Highpriest, Highpriestess, or leader of any ritual knows that a wonderful ritual is one where their body houses the God or Goddess they invoke and that they are merely a vessel.  They also realize, that the rituals they feel compelled to do are never really for themselves but for the other people in the group for their job is to “dispense the sacraments of the Gods to the their people” (and many times they never have a clue who that ritual was really for but the Gods do).  Service is an honor, not a duty.  Service is a wonderful thing to behold that gives you more than you could ever get being selfish and demanding.  Service can “burn you out” but it can also “wrap you in more love than you can fathom”.

 The next time you go to a festival or event and you see a bunch of Highpriest’s, Highpriestesses and Elders sitting around smoking and drinking coffee or just laughing and talking realize this.  Their life is not as carefree as you thought; they are discussing to each other their issues or concerns; in some cases they are answering to each other for actions that occurred in their shared community and this is difficult and humbling.  Yes, they too have someone to answer too “leadership” is not all about the costumes and the great pagan jewelry it is about: planning, hard work, serving, listening, cooperation, compromise, being a janitor, maid, cook, coordinator, secretary, accountant, mother, bad cop, good cop, and everything in between. I bet you would not believe it, but even as a HPS you have to deal with people from out of town or people that do not even knowing you telling you how you should do this or that all the time...and sometimes you can stand up to them; but sometimes it is just better to shut your mouth, paste on a smile, and say "Thank you" (though you are thinking wth?) and assume they want what is best for you like your Momma does.

Last night, I went out to dinner with my parents.  They have grown shorter with age, and of course they are more wrinkled.  We ate fried southern style catfish and hush puppies, drank pungent sweet tea with lemons, finished it off with homemade coconut cream pie and chocolate meringue pie and we laughed.  I looked at my parents, and I realized that they were not as “foolish” as I once thought them to be.  Of course, everything they told me did not work for me but you know there sure was a lot of good ole’ practical common sense there flowing out of their mouths; mom was right, I bet if I asked her right then who she had to answer too she would have a list of people and start ticking it off.  I decided not to ask her, but hug her instead and she decided NOT to comment on my bright pink hair with feathers flying all about in it because she realizes I have enough on my plate…and after all I am an adult and I have my own list of people to answer too.

What structures or traditions do you follow?  Do you mind the concept of service?