Why is it so hard to start a coven? OR is it really that hard to start one?

" Xwitch made a suggestion that it hard to get into a coven. I think this would be somewhat true and depends on where you live. e.g., I would love to be able to organise a study group/coven in my local area, I thought about doing flyers or a mail box drop advertising as such but then I feel that I would get phone calls or emails from negative people and/or a mole might get in, kinda like what we get in this group, and a heap of other factors that have turned me off it completely. Mind you though I have gotten a flyer in my mail box about a local churches bible study group so I see it as a huge unfairness on us as Wiccans that we still have to hide away even with all the laws protecting us."

I have decided to address one of these today on a public forum because I want there to be MORE Pagan/Wiccan/Witch groups not less. But for that to happen, I need to share in a bigger way how to start your own coven.  FIRST, let me state there are not "all of these laws out there" protecting you as a Wiccan unless you decided to get organized and get a Legal 501c3 Religious organization license.  For you to think that your coven will be protected is naive, study the law and all of the cases and you will see time and time again the odds are stacked against you.  You live in a world where people understand Church, Temple, Worship center but they do not understand "coven/circle/grove/backyard".  So if you think that forming a coven will protect you and your buddies from "discrimination" and that you can do anything you want and sue then think again...that is not the way the law or the world works.  This is why after years of leading covens my husband and I banded together and organized and formed a legal 501c3 Wiccan Church  with a whole bunch of other fabulous folks (Wicca is protected Pagan and Witch are not).

IF however, you want to form a coven with people because you have a sincere desire to learn, to grow, and to practice magick with people you enjoy then you have the RIGHT reason to form a coven.  So first I would advise you to sit still and figure out WHY you want to form a coven.  If it is for POWER POWER POWER or because you are Lonely then DO not form a coven those are not good reasons.  NEXT, what kind of coven do you want it to be?  Do you want it to be a women's only group?  Do you want it to study the Celtic path?  Is it eclectic?  Hellenistic? etc.  Do you know anything about these areas?  IF not, then be honest and say I want this to be a coven for people that are new to the path and want to learn together. DO NOT( and I repeat this do not) call yourself a Highpriestess if you have no experience on the path; give it time you will grow into that role the Goddess truly initiates her own and you will know when that "title" is right for you. Priest and Priestess we all are, but Highpriestess or Highpriest is earned.

This is the tricky part...are you starting the coven alone?  If you are then you have to decide are you going to be the leader?  Would you rather it be a leaderless group? If there is a leader will it be just you or are you going to share that responsibility oh and HOW WELL do you know them?  Where are you going to worship, a park or your back yard?  Do you want to have a bunch of people worshiping in your home but you have no control over what happens?  If not, then you do not want a leaderless group worshiping in your back yard.  (BTW I love how people say this alot because I do not believe in leaderless groups, whomever founded it and whomever home it is at is the leader and if who founded it and the house used to do it are owned and run by two different people there usually are issues that arise I am sharing this from alot of experience. Because truthfully we humans like boundaries, rules, leaders, and struggle with control all of us do.)  

What kind of rules do you want to have?  Yes, Covens have rules, like you have to study with us for three months before we decided whether we want to take you on or not.  OR you are only a first degree after a year and a day and we initiate you.  Oh yes, what kind of initiation will you have? What kind of mission will your coven have?  Or you all going to do things to help each other, help the library, what about the food bank, etc?  How will you dress?  Will you wear robes, wear street clothes, etc?

HOW many people do you want in your group?  Remember the more people it seems the merrier but if this is your first time the more people who share energy the more you have to get them to mesh, get along, and be in sync and this is so much harder than it looks on the surface.  WHO or HOW are you going to pay for all the rituals?  Cakes and ale, herbs, resins, stones, incense,  altars, altar cloths, God and Goddess statues, cauldrons, sage sticks, all of these things cost money...so how are you all going to pay for this?  When I first started we all rotated this together one week I provided candles the next the sage and incense, etc.  HOW often are you going to meet?  Every week thus every moon cycle, every new moon, every full moon, only dark moons, etc...THIS is important for if you do not meet enough the bonds are not there and the group falls apart.  IF you meet to soon you burn out and then the group also falls apart.

HOW long do you want the coven to work?  Would you like to re-address it every year?  Every three years?  How will you know when it is done...I am not saying you will have the answer to all of these going in, but if you think about all of this BEFORE you try to form a coven then you have a leg up and might be able to make it work.  Because, let it be stated here that leading, organizing, and running anything is hard work so if you work 40 plus hours and have many other obligations (like many children and a high maintenance marriage or full time college) starting and running a coven is NOT for you!  Being in one, now that might be more your speed and for Goddess sake if you cannot run one and know it please be nice to the person that is sacrificing their time, home, and energy it is a HARD job; respect them!

NOW after you have done all of these things, and have decided you have the time and energy and money to do this thing and know where you are going to meet then what?  Advertise.  Yep, you heard me, advertise.  Do it on Facebook say I am forming a group, and send me an email if interested.  PUT up flyers in the coffee shop, or occult store, or at the New age place, or at your local Wiccan church. Twitter it if you want! Once again have them email you if interested not call you. DO NOT advertise your phone number that is a mistake!

WHEN they email you send them back a list of questions that answers for you why they are interested, what their experience is, and if they have psychological issues, or drug and alcohol addictions (yes, please ask this sure they can lie but you will be surprised how many will be honest and you don't want to start off with people that might not benefit from this spiritual path due to psychological issues or addiction issues).  Read the emails, screen them, pick your favorite then call these people back and set up an appointment to meet them face to face!  Make sure it is in a open area like a coffee shop and go meet them and talk and see how you feel about them.  IF you like them set up a date for a future time and get together again, do this until you feel comfortable and add people as you go...and then VOILA!  You have the startings of a coven anything more than three is just that...!

NOW see it really is not as hard as you thought?  It really is more common sense than you realized?  Of course it is.  IF you feel a need or a calling to start a group, then please do so...if it does not work out then so what you tried.  If it does work then WOO HOO you are on your way to growing together!

GOOD LUCK, and GODDESS BLESS.  My email is revsonyamiller@gmail.com if you need any further advice or help in this area for that is what I am here for.  

 

Where there's smoke there's fire...

"Where there's smoke" is the beginning of the saying "Where there's smoke, there's fire," meaning that if there is telltale evidence of some event, the event is probably occurring. ---Wikipedia

Let us be honest, the above is not always the case.  In fact, if you have ever played the gossip game with friends you laughed uproarisly to hear that "doris had an abortion after getting rid of her lice" when it started out as "Doris is looking gorgeous today, I wonder what they put in her rice?".  See they sound similar...but the meaning is really not the same.

Most Highpriestesses will never be as famous as the women whose pictures I will post in this blog (this is Selena Fox btw); in fact their pictures may never come up in Google Images or Photobucket when a search is performed but this does not make their calling in life any less relevant.  I am not sure what it would :"Feel like" to be so famous that you could not walk anywhere without people noticing you but as Clergy of a church I got a little taste of what it is like living in a goldfish bowl.

What is a Highpriestess?  Well, in many religions men head everything but in the Pagan/Wiccan/Witch religion if there is a group formed a Highpriestess is usually the one behind it and cheering it on.  She in turn, usually picks a Highpriest to work with her to serve as the consort (or perform the role of the God) the role of Highpriestess is so important that in the Tarot deck there is a Highpriestess card...but if you notice; no Highpriest.

Highpriestesses come in all shapes and sizes, and it is usually assumed they have trained for three to five years with a Highpriestess, elder, Highpriest, or group to share their traditions with others.  Of course, this is not always the case.  I have known some fabulous Highpriestesses who had no teachers, just literally had a gift for it and made it up as they went along and the Gods blessed them just the same sending them hundreds and hundreds of students.  Those were back in the days where there were not so many teachers, or Highpriestesses and it was not "cool" to call yourself one or "run an occult store".

Highpriestesses get a bad rap alot.  People seem to see them as "controlling, lazy, bossy, and obnoxious" or at least this is what you hear people say that refuse to join any type of group format when it comes to Wicca/Paganism/or being a Witch.  Yet, they do not seem to notice, they are disciplined, very protective of their tribe, teachers who share what they have learned and know for hundreds of people, constantly working even into their sixties and seventies to give birth to person after person who are really "excited" about "discovering" a new path; this does not count how many living rooms or basements or kitchens or bathrooms they have devoted to "pagans" and money they have invested into their Gods.  I mean where would we be as a religion without Priestesses?  It is almost like saying where would we be without the Goddess?

Priestesses can be intimidating, and intense, but they also can be (and most I know are) very loving, motherly, nurturing, concerned, constantly aware, open to new ideas, and an example of what an independent thinker and human being are.  Now, like you all I had in my mind when I became a HPS (this was me thinking of me growing up as a witch) what I would look like, and how I would act, not how I would boss, finally be in charge, and not take crap from anyone.  Unfortunately it seems I get to"eat more crow" and "take more crap" being a HPS than I ever did as just a cute little witchling...but then I also get more credit and praise than I probably should at times also..since I DO HAVE some fabulous luck and wonderful students.

It washes out, and NO I did not grow up to look like the Highpriestess Tarot Card all regal, still, quite, and patient.  I was still the small, wiry, animated, bright haired crazy child only older...and that apparently is why the Gods have a fabulous sense of humor! My teacher was quite, patient, matronly, and felt like a Goosedown pillow.  My Mamaw was small wiry, a fireball, had crazy hair, intense eyes...and wait...I look alot like her!

So, for all you HPS out there...hang in there; you are doing good!  It does not matter if you win a popularity contest; what matters is that you love your Gods and that you listen, and you try your best.  Don't be too hard on yourselves!  For you of you that are NOT Highpriestesses please be nice; try to remember these are humans serving humans and their Gods and trying to do the best they can...and never for monetary gain.  If you have a problem with authority; that's fine but don't join a coven and cause strife.  You know you do not like groups or leadership this does not make you "bad" it makes you know yourself.  However, if you could lay your personal fears aside and try to learn for a little while...that might not be "bad" either...just saying :)

Now this-----------------------------------------> is my favorite Highpriestess picture it is Yoko Ono wrapped in toilet paper at an Art Exhibit and I swear she calls herself a "Highpriestess" and I think that is sort of cool.  Something to relate to, be proud of, and make me laugh...but then I have a weird sense of humor.

What is your impression of Highpriestesses?  Where did you get it from?  How did you if you are one, like the role?

Thanks for reading!  Thanks for sharing!  Thanks for being such a delight!

I would rather run with the turkeys than fry with the chickens!

Hey ya’ll!  Do you remember when you were a little one and told your parents “I cannot wait until I grow up then I will never ever have people tell me what to do!” ?  I do.  I also remember my mom laughing at my naivety and saying…”Baby, no matter how old you get you always have to answer to someone.  There are always rules to follow.  There is always a pecking order.”  I was absolutely positive she was wrong.  I just knew it.  But here I am, fastly approaching another year realizing…she was right.

When you run a coven, or Wiccan church usually there is some sort of teaching program in place.  When you are first starting out you think…”Finally, now things can be done my way!” but even this is the folly of youth.  First, if you are a Highpriestess usually you are teaching a tradition or sharing what you have learned.  This is why you are the Highpriestess you have training, you know a thing or two and thus when it gets down to making a structure for your coven or group you are going to teach “what you know”.  What you know is limited by “what you learned” and thus, whether you like it or not rules fall into place and “certain ways of doing things”.  Structures start descending like gossamer cloths from the heaven and drape upon the “abstract concepts you are sharing with others" .   Alot of times you very quickly begin to discover that what worked in a "women's only circle" or in the mid-west or somewhere else does NOT work where you are. Then you go back to the drawing board....only to admit "things cannot be done your way, they have to be done for the group dynamic."

Next, you find even if you are claiming “there are no leaders we rotate” well those are the leaders.  The person who started the “group” is the leader.  The person who writes the ritual is “the leader” and so to some extent no matter how “punk rock” you are like me you find that your anarchist heart has to resign to the order of the universe.  Everyone has a “way” of setting up their altars; what tools they use and what incense is used for what spell.  Even if you use books all the time, because you are a newbie and had no teacher to tell you the herbs or the proper color usage you are “following someone’s rules and ways of doing things”. I am sure Scott Cunningham was the teacher of half the witches of the eighties and a lot in the nineties.  So if you only have book learning…it’s okay but you have to admit you learned a structure. 

Outside of that, if you mix in the bigger Pagan community you find there are Elders and leaders of other organizations that do things differently than you do.  In the case of Elders they have been there for quite some time, and if you ask “respectfully and with an open ear and mind” you might just learn "their way".  Elders and other Highpriests and Highpriestesses are also another “structure or group” you find yourself mingling with if you stroll very long in the community.  Sometimes, you find that you might “tangle” or get “rattled” by some beliefs or practices of another group.  You might not choose to personally endorse or follow their beliefs but that is okay.  That is why you have a group to begin with, to worship with those who you do agree with and who you can get along with.  BUT what is not okay, is to “be mean” or “harass” the other group.  Because, we all share the same well and we all drink from that well that the Goddess freely gives us we are all united under the belief system of Paganism.  Thus, once again we have a structure within a structure.

To make this one step more complicated, if you are sponsored entity like my Temple you probably have several boards above and below you that you have to also listen to and get along with.  I know we have a members council so that all people have a voice and can suggest and help the Temple move in the direction they feel is important.  We also have a Clergy board, and with five clergy you find that in reality you are either rotating for everyone to get their way from time to time or compromising because everyone has a great idea and we want to merge those ideas for the best of the whole.  Above me, I have the ATC Highpriestess to answer to and an Arch priest.  Now, do not get me wrong they do not give orders and me have to run like a chicken with my head cut off.  BUT, they do have to be informed about everything and guess what?  They give great advice!  They know a lot of things I cannot possibly even think off! Thus I learn "their structured" ways of doing things...and another layer of meringue is piled upon the pie.

If you throw all those ingredients together, not even including that more than half of my day goes to building and sorting and posting about church stuff, rituals, workshops, and activities.  One day you wake up and realize your life is both really full and structured or really chaotic and almost toppling over and I like the former not the latter!  So here I stand with tattoos still, various piercings sealed shut but still scarring, with my “Death Cab for Cutie” tee shirt and my still wild hair to only smile.  Contrary to my little maiden ideas “answering to someone” is okay.  Contrary to my wild teenage rebellious “don’t tell me what to do!”  I find myself asking “what should I do?” and "what is best for the whole"?  In spite of my Twenty year old phrase of “stop talking down to me!” , I realize no one ever was talking down to me…they were guiding me, mentoring me, parenting me just like the God and Goddess does. I have to remind myself from time to time with the younger ones...I was there once, I do remember that perspective and they are not wrong...just not seeing another aspect of the diamond.

I have saved the most important for last the BIG bosses.  Your personal God and Goddess and your guides are always advising you, constantly rooting for you.  If they say…hey take another road not that one and you find you avoid a huge wreck or maybe just a  traffic jam are you really going to ignore them the next time they give you advice?  I hope you are smarter than that!  Did you know that if you are lucky enough to be “chosen and called” by a deity to run a group of any type first and foremost you have to answer to them, listen to them, do as they ask. (yep, you have another boss)  A Clergy, Highpriest, Highpriestess, or leader of any ritual knows that a wonderful ritual is one where their body houses the God or Goddess they invoke and that they are merely a vessel.  They also realize, that the rituals they feel compelled to do are never really for themselves but for the other people in the group for their job is to “dispense the sacraments of the Gods to the their people” (and many times they never have a clue who that ritual was really for but the Gods do).  Service is an honor, not a duty.  Service is a wonderful thing to behold that gives you more than you could ever get being selfish and demanding.  Service can “burn you out” but it can also “wrap you in more love than you can fathom”.

 The next time you go to a festival or event and you see a bunch of Highpriest’s, Highpriestesses and Elders sitting around smoking and drinking coffee or just laughing and talking realize this.  Their life is not as carefree as you thought; they are discussing to each other their issues or concerns; in some cases they are answering to each other for actions that occurred in their shared community and this is difficult and humbling.  Yes, they too have someone to answer too “leadership” is not all about the costumes and the great pagan jewelry it is about: planning, hard work, serving, listening, cooperation, compromise, being a janitor, maid, cook, coordinator, secretary, accountant, mother, bad cop, good cop, and everything in between. I bet you would not believe it, but even as a HPS you have to deal with people from out of town or people that do not even knowing you telling you how you should do this or that all the time...and sometimes you can stand up to them; but sometimes it is just better to shut your mouth, paste on a smile, and say "Thank you" (though you are thinking wth?) and assume they want what is best for you like your Momma does.

Last night, I went out to dinner with my parents.  They have grown shorter with age, and of course they are more wrinkled.  We ate fried southern style catfish and hush puppies, drank pungent sweet tea with lemons, finished it off with homemade coconut cream pie and chocolate meringue pie and we laughed.  I looked at my parents, and I realized that they were not as “foolish” as I once thought them to be.  Of course, everything they told me did not work for me but you know there sure was a lot of good ole’ practical common sense there flowing out of their mouths; mom was right, I bet if I asked her right then who she had to answer too she would have a list of people and start ticking it off.  I decided not to ask her, but hug her instead and she decided NOT to comment on my bright pink hair with feathers flying all about in it because she realizes I have enough on my plate…and after all I am an adult and I have my own list of people to answer too.

What structures or traditions do you follow?  Do you mind the concept of service?