Hoppy Holly Daze !!!

I believe that we Pagans are becoming dogmatic.  I know this, because I am one.  When I was a younger “Seeker” I had no problem reading anything from the “Four Agreements” to the “Book of Thomas”  I practiced Angel Magick, to reading about “brahma” but once it was evident I was going to start and maintain my own coven…I let “what others thought Pagan was” and “what I was told and taught Pagan was” influence the direction of my coven.  Then after years of reading only "Pagan/Wiccan" books I forgot about my original heart song.

Now, I would like to think that I was such a strong spiritual leader that it did not matter what others thought or would say about my practices but that would not be true.  I was so young that it was important to me that my teacher patted me on the head and told me I was doing great and that the people coming to me were focused and directed only on Witchcraft, or Wicca.  I am not stating that she stated that I could not do these things; I just felt a "Wicca/Witchy" peer pressure not to be X.

Being, an easily bored curious sort I let my own spare time go to practicing and dabbling and reading whatever I wanted but sharing that with people in the coven did not happen….I was “scared” they would think I was too “fluff bunny” too “white light” and so I continued on teaching only God, Goddess, and the five elements because it was expected; and traditional.  It did not matter that the Wiccan Rede did seem to believe in Universalism…”All Gods or Goddesses are just the face of one God/Goddess; or that all paths or just different roads leading to the same destination.”  Any time, I tried to explore that option with others that had come to the craft it was shut down if it seemed “too Christian, too New Age, too fluff bunny”. (Fluff bunny in the Craft is a derogatory term used to make people feel bad about their path and themselves because they would never cast against another and they concentrate on light work ) Ps. I am what you would call a White Lighter or Fluff bunny....:)

After, ten or more years of this if any of these paths were presented to me or people I had a “wall up”  I had gotten so used to “not listening” or “considering it an option” I was closed off.  Several years ago, after we started the Temple (A legal Wiccan Church) I had a seeker say to me…”he had thought to tell me he was going to dedicate his life to Jesus…” just to see what I would say.  He laughed; I stopped and wondered…Why and when did it happen that I had become so rigid?  I asked the question, but I had no answer right then.  Then, the hundreds of invitations came in inviting me to go to Christian Churches, and I naturally assumed they wanted “to convert” me since I had founded a Wiccan Church.  This made me resistant; but in truth I could “claim busy” and point out to them…I did not “invite them to my church their pastors, so why invite me?”.  

This theory is true, and the logic very astute if you are looking for conflict and being very defensive but it did not lead me to where I was headed; or where my Goddess wanted me to go…so she gently nudged further.  Another student (a few years later), asked if Jesus was a valid option to worship as a Pagan God.  I found myself saying….”Yes, that is a valid option…why not?  Tell me why you see him that way…”  Voila!  I opened.  A few months later, we had to do a Baby blessing, and it became clear the person involved wanted something unique…to present their child to all spiritual paths.  Jesus, came a calling.

“Sonya, why are you so angry at me?”  he asked.  My heart hurt, I thought of all the bad experiences I had felt and experienced as a child, as a junior high student, as a high school student at the hands of a Christian Church and School.  “ What did I have to do with any of that he asked?”  "You didn’t" I had to say.  So, I let it go, I cried, and I felt the love and comfort of that Deity.  I thought of how I had sung so many times as a young person…”What a friend we have in Jesus” and how I had loved that song.  I realized I was not angry or hurt at Jesus at all; just hurt and angry at the humans that had been angry, mean, cruel, or judgmental to me.  The Baby blessing was fantastic, and I had made peace with Jesus and I had noticed he had not “judged me or preached I was going to hell”. (BTW he never has, to me)

Two more years have passed, and another Baby blessing rolled in…the Father was Christian the Mother Wiccan and so it seemed Jesus and Hekate would be called to bless the child.  Brian and I presented the Child to all paths; and there was not hesitation or tugging within me a beautiful ritual happened.  As we started that Circle, one of my Elders asked me what aspect of the Goddess I would call in…I stopped and asked Spirit, who would you like to come?  Hagia Sophia it said, and so I said…I am Hagia Sophia.  I have had rapid visions of her lately, the Queen in Red with Angel Wings.  I am devouring all of her words, any mention of her,  and of course the connection with Isis is obvious. But then, Isis does have 10,000 names and faces.

I panicked after a month of this obsession realizing that I was walking into deep Spiritual mysticism, and Gnosticism I asked advice from fellow Clergy because once again I seemed to “need and want” peer support.  Luckily for me, I am surrounded with ATC Elders that encourage me to go and find, learn, search and grow; apparently I had not “grown” enough to not need that support.   It was interesting and refreshing to note that at this age I had enough backbone to be honest; and to freely share my fork in the road.  It panicked me, all my life I had been hardcore Witch/Pagan/Wiccan and now it seems...I am Wiccan.  I am a Wiccan being led to explore the other paths and see how they merge with what I already knew.

I want to apologize for my former resistance and rigidity.  I had become dogmatic and not willing to consider any other option.  I helped create a spiritual environment that was "not truthfully exploring all options".  I had become hypocritical saying all paths lead to the same destination but letting excuses and "feelings from my past" hold me back as a spiritual leader.  I see that now, but I cannot fix the past only remedy the future.  No excuses just truth.  

I do not want the future of any Spiritual community to be "closed off" especially one as cool as Paganism/Wicca.  I would like to share openly and peacefully with other faiths like I do in my mind but in the physical planes, and truthfully live in a world where we all share our ideas and learn from each other.  I am (with the help of many others) taking big step to get there and tearing down all defenses and walls that I have erected to place myself in such a "neat Wiccan/Pagan box". Of course, we might want to start with ourselves by not labeling our own lightworkers as (practicing black magick, too fluff bunny, not good at magic, etc).

I still take offense to any path that does not see the “divine feminine” but those are not fighting words to me anymore.  We, as Wiccans/Pagans do not even hardly acknowledge the “divine masculine” we seem to shy away from it and are embarrassed of it at times (it’s our backlash at Christianity and the Patriarchy).  Maybe, if I start to take steps in this direction with all the other Temple members then we will be more than a ripple in the ocean?

I am still Wiccan and still Polytheistic and I know Wicca as a Spiritual Path has much to offer the Spiritual community, it is a system easily used to commune with any Angel/Guide/ face of God/ddess, it delights in the divine feminine.  It also has no issue of having Mary Magdeline and Anubis or Hekate and Jesus being called in to work together to dispense the Sacraments and share wisdom. That is what is wonderful about Spirit; it is showing us that we can all get “beyond” our boundaries…and live in a “time and space” beyond our human limitations. I love this path for this reason.

 

I have learned that love is the answer.  I have learned that if you pick up the sword you will die by the sword and that bitterness, anger, cruelty, anger and revenge are all things I struggle with but refuse to choose as my path.  I have learned that if you pick up a shield to defend yourself, you will have to fight because to defend is to fight.  I have learned that Love, and acceptance are more powerful energies than anything I have ever conceived and they can truthfully MOVE MOUNTAINS.  I am grateful that Jesus, Isis, Sophia, Sekhmet, Osiris all do not care what I call them but Humans do…and I have learned, that I cannot let others tell me what to believe, practice, or what is right for me. I have also learned to stop being so dogmatic, stubborn, rigid, and to stop judging and labeling others. 

So this HOLY season know this.  Whether you Pray to or resonate with the Holly King, Jesus, or Horus they are all the same to me; and I believe in your heart you know this too.  If you spend time dwelling with the virgin Mary, Isis, or Brigit it is all good because they are all Goddesses that are communing with us at this time of year.  This time of year is not about who is WRONG or who is RIGHT or who started this Holy Day first or who stole it from WHOM.  This time of year is about re-birth, re-newal, about a new clean slate being born for us and you. 

Thought for the Season:  What will you write on this new clean slate handed to you by Spirit?  What will you do with it?  I am not positively sure what I will do with it yet, but I know the first word I am going to write on it is Love, the Second is Acceptance (and yes that is for myself and for others).

Thank you for the Gift of your Time.....

She was as quiet as the raindrops hitting a tin roof....

I haven't spoken to you all in a while.  I did not know what to say.  I felt whatever I said it would be read under a microscope, picked at, scraped at, and possibly misconstrued.  Then I realized, sometimes silence is okay; but being "scared to be judged" is not.  Let us all be honest here, you would think with me being Clergy of a Wiccan Church I would expect to be judged, and scraped over the coals.  You do and that is by the Christians usually, or people that just really ""have no idea" what Wiccan/Witch/Pagan is; BUT you do not expect fellow Pagans to do the same; but they will.  What sets an Elder Clergy apart from a "pretty new only four year Clergy" apart is the attitude.  They have all been burned, and hurt and threatened at many points and probably continually but their hides are thick and their shields even thicker and they have been there and done that and realize that you "cannot please everyone" and that "someone has to do the work". Yet, they still love and have compassion and take chances on new people every day!

By the way, believe it or not, Pagan Clergy is a fastly growing phenomenon in the South.  Especially in the ATC (Aquarian Tabernacle Church) which we are an affiliate of.  It is not that I lacked training, my local elders gave me classes.  My Midsouth elders heaped more classes on me, I have read more than twenty books on it and I am constantly increasing my library to be better at it; but in reality there is NO real preparation that can happen to prepare you for the transition from Highpriestess of a coven to Clergy of a Temple.  You have to get that the "old fashioned" way my Elders did through trials by fire.

Let it be stated at this vantage, that the Elders here in the Midsouth/South  are the best I have ever met.  They have stamina, they have passion, their magick is incredible, their wisdom deep, and their love and acceptance for the new Clergy makes one feel right at home.  When you hurt, they listen and they will pat your back from time to time but the best thing they do for me is push me and prod me and make me jump back in there and believe in the "work" even when I do not "mentally" feel it.  In fact, they have taught me that "following the will of the Gods is paramount" and that to "serve others" and "share the sacraments of the Gods" with others my real calling.  I felt the call, I was naturally a driven person but for some reason we people that want to "give and share with others" seem to think we can please everyone.  I am one of those people; and guess what I cannot.

I share this with you because I want you to understand that Pagan Clergy are not super human, we have frailties and flaws and we learn from our mistakes just like everyone else.  Sure we know a few things, maybe a lot of knowledge, but what makes a great Clergy seems to be time, consistency, and love oh my Goddess the love just pouring through you like an invocation that never stops...."Isis, please use me today.  Isis please help me be better.  Isis, please help me listen with your ears.  Isis, please as I walk your path may I be considerate to others.  Isis, show me how to help my community."   Then one day you realize it is this constant "nagging" that shows you are insecure, sure you want to serve but you don't exactly know how to do that and so you have to come and "trust" a power higher than yourself to walk you through it.  You are constantly improvising; gathering knowledge as you go understanding that every case is different and every situation new and unfolding.

I thought I was a horrible candidate for clergy five years ago.  I probably was, but my Elders saw something in me (just like my Gods did) that I never could see.  It might have been my determination, or my passion for my Gods but they have held up a mirror to show me parts of my self and have taught me to love all of them even the "darker ones". Through this, I have come to accept "dark and light" in Sonya and have come to see that it all works as balance and counter balance and that all of my skills that are called into play are "light and dark" at times.  All of life is not happy...in our circles we point out that life is where "joy and sorrow, pain and happiness all come together and meet making one energy".  How funny I could say that line for more than five years, and yet until recently could not apply it to myself.

 We women had gathered for a healing circle.  Beside me were two mighty sisters and Crones, next to me a sister I have come to love more and more; the energy was being raised for healing. We all intoned wordlessly together and there in that circle patterns and harmonies and melodies arose!  Each woman singing her own natural tone, her own natural rhythmn and it was beautiful to hear!  As the energy wound down I looked over and saw one of my own community sisters crying; her pain was so fresh it hurt me to watch.  Without thought, I ran to her and put her in my arms and held her head to my shoulder and rocker her until she was calm and okay.  We toned a sorrow howl together for a moment, it was just her and me though all those women were still singing.  

RIGHT THEN I remembered telling an Elder Clergy I would never be that kind of woman, the kind that babied people and held them while they cried; I did not see that I was capable of it; but that woman had evolved and she had embraced change and sorrow and joy and happiness...and there Me and she was and I KNEW.  I was going to be good at this job!  Hell, I might already be good!  

I could credit all the Ministers who coddled me and fed my spirit (White, Black, Christian, Catholic, Presbyterian, UU, Episcopalean, Pagan Female, Male).  I can point out journeys, or insights I have had from my Gods that verify this path for me....but none of that has mattered until that "moment" a few weeks ago.

So if you don't like this post; ignore it.  It is okay, NO ONE is for everybody!  However, if you can relate and this post resonates with you...pass it on.  It is important (I think) for people to realize Pagan Clergy are human, and we learn together as the WHOLE community grows (and if you are pagan that means you!).  I am so grateful and so very happy that this is my path, and that I have the opportunity to share that joy with so many of you!

THIS week...remember that all of you is Sacred even the parts you do not like.  Remember that all of you is necessary there is only ONE you and you are the most unique wonderful you ever!

As always...thank you for the gift of your time.

"And the future is so bright I gotta wear SHADES..."

So the past two weeks have been a whirlwind.  Yes, Air has been present in my life….”"Who can tell the mind of the Wind? Who can catch it and hold in their hand? Who can tell where the Wind has been blowing? And who among the wise can foretell where it will go?"

As an Egyptian priestess and Air Sun sign I revel in Air its speed and invisibility it delights me filling me with spirit; but now that I have returned to my “real world” and “real time”.  I can look back, and see how important grounding is also.  The ATC (Aquarian Tabernacle Church) Arch priestess Belladonna and her Highpriest Dusty came into our stomping grounds and shared two festivals with me and our communities.  I had the fortunate experience of having them dwell in my home for a few days; teaching me, laughing with me, and loving me.  The time went fast, but the moments are imprinted indelibly on my life.

First we went to the Southern Delta Church of Wicca-ATC May Day festival.  It’s theme was “Getting Back to our Roots” and the week was full of communities getting to know each other better, re-establishing connections, sharing our dreams, learning and laughing from one another, loving each others children’s, playing games, utilizing warrior energy, and listening to Rev. Terry Riley and Rev. Amanda Riley as they reminded us how far we had come and where our community had come from.  It was warm, it was happy, it was home…how nice to be grounded and rooted in such rich red clay soil.  Apple Oaks, Southern Delta Wicca, White Oak Raven, Temple of the Sacred Gift, Temple of the Stone (all ATC) and Summerland Grove and Temple of the Ancient Ones were all present, and working together peacefully and lovingly for the community.  Today we have this many churches, and organized Pagan communities just five years ago we had two.

What happened to make all this growth?  Why so many organizations in such a short amount of time?  Well in this area we have grown that much!  As more and more people declare their spiritual paths pagan the need has arisen for us to offer them services, counseling, rites of passages, workshops, and celebrations that correspond with our Spiritual traditions.  Traditions have been handed down, the younger generation grew up, and so it is the wheel turns and those who taught us have either crossed over or asked us to step up and so we have.  The future does not look dismal here in the Bible Belt for us Pagans it looks bright as the sun, especially after the Temple of the Sacred Gift-ATC opened its new Temple building (that is not in a home anymore) to the public!

Next, we went on to the Pagan Unity Festival, which is put together every year by Tish Owen a well known local pagan/witch/healer/psychic/published author.  The guest speakers were five star caliber:  Belladonna Leveau, Christopher Penzack, Oberon Zell, Dorothy Morrison, Raven Grimassi, and more more more!  The workshops were stellar on everything from Tarot spreads, numerology, how to make oils, candles, ritual workshops, drum workshops.  The music was out the roof with the Tuatha de Danna and Wendy Rule!  Handfastings were numerous, with Tish Owens in her NO spare time still overseeing and conducting them, the vendors top notch, and the spirit was one where all had gathered together for community and there were NO strangers amongst us…for we have come full circle and realize we are really really not alone in these parts!

I am not a camper, I prefer hotels and linen sheets to bunks and dirty floors but all of this was tossed aside to dance, and sing, and be part of rituals, do magick, learn from masters, listen to great songs, and just become part of something so much bigger than just me…SPIRIT.

If you have ever wanted to go to a Pagan festival and never gone…you should.  If you have ever gone and did not like it…maybe you should try again.  The future of our Path is growing so fast, and broad, and strong!  Catch the Air!  Let the Fire warm you!  Drink in that Water!  Feel the Earth beneath your feet!  Join with kindred spirits and shed “you” and become a “we” just for a weekend.  It is nice to remember ever now and again that there is a tapestry being woven and you are a thread in that beautiful creation.

If I met you this weekend thank you for the gift of your time!  If I did not meet you these past two weeks then I hope I met you soon!  Special thanks to Southern Delta Wicca and Tish Owens and BOTH festival staffs for pulling together and off a most fabulous Festival occasion that I will never forget!  VERY very Very Special Thankyous go to my fellow pathwalkers Bella and Dusty and Wiccan Seminary.edu! My cup runneth over…please receive a sip!

Pagans and Pride go together like Bees and Honey

MIDSOUTH PRIDE 2011

Midsouth Pride 2011

Me, and some of my closest witchling friends speak of life as not “spiraling out of control” but “spiraling back around”.  This phrase to us is like when you find yourself in a moment in life and you realize that everything you have ever worked for and believed has led you to that spot.  It’s your witchy “aha!” moment.  It makes you get all goosebumpy, and choked up you feel glorious and thank-full.  You experience many times like this in a lifetime, but strangely enough they outweigh the normal every day “aha” moments you get while fixing the plumbing under the sink! This Saturday was one of those glorious “I felt it” “I knew it” and felt “exhilarated” moments. 

When you are younger, you might have it in your mind that you have reached the pinnacle of ethics for your life when what you “say you believe” you “walk”.  That was a decision I made for myself and my family when I was in my twenties.  Sometimes, I have missed the mark.  Sometimes I have not liked the “physical requirements” or “long reaching results” of played out ethics but as you grow older you choose how to invest your time more wisely.  As a Pagan it is really hard to “choose” to come out to your friends and family.  I have done both, some with great results others not really smashing but either way I made that choice and found liberation in it.  

I am a Libra.  I am telling you this for a reason, while I claim it has little to do with my day to day life it has a lot to do with how I see and approach the world.  I was a student of the humanities (Philosophy, Political Science, Sociology, Psychology, and Anthropology) that got fed up when I realized I was being trained to espouse and promulgate theories for other people to act upon.  Something about that rubbed me the wrong way, until the day I turned in my resignation from graduate school.  I told them I wanted to live out my theories on the best way to live my life.  Pagan, Wiccan, Witch was one of them the other was acting and doing something about the world we lived in.

I believe helping co-found the Temple with Amos Kelley, Brian Miller, and Allison Hancock was just that acting on my Pagan principles and offering to others a “umbrella” of protection so that they could worship in a safe environment without worries or fears.  It developed into being a home for people that fit no where else in the communities.  It developed into a Temple full of people that have political and social ideas that feel strongly about them that wanted to do something in the real world.  

One year ago my members participated in Midsouth Pride 2010 and had a blast.  I stayed at home with a new born; and the rest of the Temple went to Festival of Souls in the woods.  When my members came back they were determined that the next year we would fully as a Temple participate and put our actions where our words were.  We would march, we would have a float, we would have a booth and I agreed to the idea.  For two years now we have happily supported the Memphis Gay and Lesbian Community center sending them food for the pantries and clothing for those in need.  The Temple and the MLGCC has slowly but surely formed a bond that has grown stronger every month.  I am proud of this accomplishment but I wanted more.

I have no idea how to build a float.  I am not really gifted in crafty areas, but several of the people in my Temple are.  I do hair, I build wigs, I paint canvases on people, I have a way with color, and I am a great decorator---but I have not built a float.  Quickly my members brought me stacks of forms to fill out, I did.  Quickly they went to meetings and listened and paid for our spaces.  Quickly they volunteered and went to float building classes.  Lists were made, Ideas were drawn out, materials were acquired and we went to work.  Two weeks, every night after they were out of work and some after their night shifts people came over.

First we painted a canvas in swirling colors.  Next we painted and traced Temples from various civilizations on the back, the Stonehenge, the Pyramids, the Greek Parthenon.  Then we paper- mached the Goddess.  It took two layers, we had to wait for her to dry.  Then we painted her with a kilz coat, it dried and the next morning I repainted her with help from Michelle.  Then, Allison and Katie painted her with vines and flowers.  Angela and I and everyone made letters with aluminum foil cardboard, tissue paper….TEMPLE OF THE SACRED GIFT, and TSG for the back of the float.  We cut out cardboard for the sides, front, back, to cover the wheels.  We constructed a way to hang the tarp out of pipes (thank you Dwayne) he also devised a way to bolt her into the trailer!  We covered the boxes with table clothes, we pasted the letters on one by one.  We took a trellis and cut it to size and then wound fabric and vines on it.  We made an altar, and glued candles incense holders and vines around it.  I made a head out of a wig model, painted it, gave her a beautiful wig and headpiece with feathers and we glued it onto her head.  We made arms out of chicken wire and paper mache.  We cut and painted pentagrams to go in each hand.  We made a rainbow out of construction paper and painted it. …and each night as tired as we were.  No one bitched, no one snapped, everyone was happy and worked.  One night Katie says, this is cool because you know tonight we are all connected to everyone else doing this tonight for a general purpose; and I knew we were.

I have never worked so hard on something that I knew had no monetary return!  Yep, that is right…never.  Allison designed and made beautiful bright orange handbills with our Temple website on it and a large pentagram, we made brochures, printed more tee shirts.  In the end we were ready to go.  8-am we set up our booth, and filled it with incenses and crystals, and necklaces, and athames and candles with our Temple flag hanging up proudly right next to the Human rights Campaign booth.  10-am we were putting together the float in the parking lot.  12-30 we were eating quickly.  1-pm we were lining up with baskets of candy and handbills.  The parade began to start, and we marched!  

I have never had such a moment where I knew I was doing the right thing!  I have never had such a moment where I was so proud!  I have never marched in a parade, I have never had so many hug me and tell me “how proud they were of us!”.  I have never had so many people say “I had no idea that you had a legal organization out there for us!”  As we marched, we all smiled and laughed and hugged people we knew on Beale Street.  We all looked so proud, we were in our element.  We were coming out as the rest of the people were coming out!  We were marching for equal rights for everyone understanding that this is something dear to the Pagan’s heart.  Many people say they are open to “sexual orientation” but few will get out there and show their face and say I AM FOR THIS. I did that, and I am amazed at myself and comrades for doing it together...we grew into our heroes!

The single most important thing I feel I have ever done with the Temple is work my butt off for a float.  I do not care that it cost more than it will ever make in money.  I care that we in that moment came together and showed our city that we feel this way about this issue.  That we not only talked the talk but walked the walk; I pray that you too have moments in your life when you realize that sometimes being public and taking a stand is what is needed for this world.  Adopting dogs is great, organic gardening is fantastic, giving food and clothing to charities is applaud able, but sometimes we need to do more.  For the Temple, we did more and for this reason I am proud to say I have helped co-found the most instrumental thing in my life that has helped me grow and dismiss boundaries in my life.  Thank you Isis for sending me here!  Thank you Isis for everyone you sent to my life!  Thank you Midsouth Pride for treating us so wonderful!

Next year…we are going to win a float trophy!  Just you wait and see!  What have you done, that you are proud of that gave you that AHA moment and made you realize you were WALKING YOUR TALK?