Monday, March 19, 2012

You and I have memories, longer than the road that stretches out ahead..

I am sure many of you have noticed that as time has gone on I have posted less and less.  Things that we commit too like Blogs become just one more thing to do, like a pile of laundry sometimes rather than a "fun thing" when you work, and work and work.  This is why I am writing this to let you know that sometimes I find myself just work, work, working, and when I was not work, work, working it seemed like I had to fill my time up!  So apparently if I stay at home I feel it necessary to fill up every spare moment; and if I am working a job I fill it is necessary to complain about it...:)

I have met, and counseled many women who just cannot "stand being alone"  I have never been one of those people. I always have wanted to be more alone, so I could listen to my thoughts, the universe, and find some peace and quite...but it seems the Universe has always had other plans for me.  Once it seemed like I was finally going to get a home alone (since my oldest child was graduating from Highschool) I got excited and started to plan out my life as a single woman who traveled and was carefree.  Of course, right when I started making plans and putting money aside just for that dream...I met somebody.  Not a somebody that I could go out and listen to bands too and then just go home, No...a somebody that made my heart do flip-flops and made me blush like a teenager.  Damn it!  I fell in love!

No, that was not supposed to happen!  Oh well, then I decided after we got married we would move to New Mexico thus the reason why we drove all the way there and explored all four corners of it on our honeymoon.  But NO, the Gods had another plan for me...Dah dah dah dah!  I was to stay in Memphis, Tennessee and help co-found a Wiccan Church.  F#*#@!!!!~~~  I think you get the idea (that is my best cuss word on this blog).  So we co-founded a Wiccan Church, and it still seemed I wasn't too tied down; I still had options...then Tada!  I was pregnant!  About one month after a "Birthing ritual" for a New Pagan community ritual my husband and I did I found out...yep, I was pregnant.

Now, I have a home, a husband, my twenty one year old has still not left the nest, and a toddler.  Oh and did I mention I am full time Clergy, full time hair stylist/manager of a salon, and a wife, mother, and daughter?  Yeah, something just whammied me!  Seriously, I had plans! 

I am smiling while writing this, because I should have realized that just like writing this blog You cannot plan anything...not really.  Look how much better my life is because of my husband Brian, and baby Cayden.  I like having my 21 year old living at home; I am in no hurry to have him fly the coop.  I love having a Pagan community and teaching students, and pushing myself spiritually like I have never ever done before.  My job as a hair stylist is the best one I think I have ever had; it is loose, full of possibilities and the work environment is gorgeous.

BUT  I cannot just sit outside alone and listen to spirit longer than maybe thirty (If noone is up yet) minutes.  I can hardly find time to write my thoughts down anymore.  I really want to teach an online class and the only thing I can find to budge in my list of things that constantly pile up is this blog...and just when I think I might drop it all together....Ten more people join.  I find, that I cannot seem to let that many people down.

Yep, the lady who said she "wanted freedom" and "no responsibilities" really did not know herself very well did she?  Maybe the Gods don't have such a sense of humor as a way of Grace.  They looked down at my silly stubborn scarred heart, and balmed it with love, and filled my life so full to the brim that it pours over and flows to everyone....and that is EXACTLY what I needed but never realized I was capable of receiving or worthy of. 

I will never be the catlady like my Mamaw with a garden surrounding her house, chicken pens and wild trees and vines.  I will not be like my great Aunts who died with mink coats and diamonds and wild stories for us all to find out after they crossed over.  I will never ever play the Grand ole Opry, or record a Gold record like my Uncle Leon or my Papaw Clifton...I will just be whatever unfolds.

Yes maam' or Yes sir my plan is to really have no plan!  To just take it a day at a time, and see where the next turn in the road leads me....hopefully it leads me back home.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings, and standing here with me chasing paper....

1 comment:

  1. Hey !!! That sounds like "Two of Us" by the Beatles...I'm new to your blog, it was posted on fb under SFP's post...You sure sound busy!! I've never even seen a "blog" before. So like have a good time in your coven or church and keep on giving to people whatever they are seeking...Blessed be to you and your loved ones.