Yesterday, I was saved by a Christian. Well, not “converted saved” as people of this Common Era tend to think of that phrase meaning, but I was saved nevertheless. Please, let me explain. Not ALL Pagans dislike Christians and not all Christians dislike Pagans; in fact I have a long history with Christian friends and Christian ministers who the “spirit has spoken through” to me and I heard it as clearly as if Isis (my personal deity) were speaking to me. It takes time, to get to a point where you can hear spirit anywhere where you can let it love you or touch you even if you are in the middle of a Rabbi speaking but it can be done and I have gladly come to know and associate myself with Spiritual friends who do just that…hear and see spirit everywhere.
Yesterday morning, I was almost at the end of my rope and the knot I had tied in it was unraveling. I was frustrated, angry and fed up. I am used to the concept that “not all people are going to like me” and if people don’t like me that I do not know it "rolls right off my back". But, there was a person who I had considered a loyal friend who was going so far out of her way to “hurt me” that it froze me up; I was puzzled as to what was proper protocol…and since her “dislike for me” was also trying to affect people's perception of my church (I felt); I had to find a way to resolve it. Resolution, even with wisest people I know trying to mediate has not been possible and yesterday I had to realize…it would not be. I was given the advice to get “legal council” on this issue, and so with great trepidation and hesitation I picked up the phone and called a long time friend who also was a great lawyer.
First, he answered the phone with warmth and happiness in his voice; the sheer pleasure in which he conveyed the joy of talking to me and with me balmed my soul. I realized I did not see him enough, and I missed his smile. We small talked, and shared things…and then I came out with my issue. He listened, and then laughed. Not because my problem, was silly and petty but because he had a different perspective on it all..and why is that? Because he knew me, and had watched me at many stages of my life; he did not treat me like a client he was Clergy for me that day. “Did you really think that if you travel through life getting things done there are not going to be people that are like that? I am a lawyer, if you are one of us you better get used to the idea that most people just do not like you because of your job description”…he laughed. I realized he was right. “Heck, add to that I am a Liberal Christian with Conservative political views and you have a great mix for people to dislike me…” once again he laughed “BUT, I know that to change who I am, and stop doing what I am good at, won’t make a difference, it achieves nothing. It doesn’t even make the people who don’t like me any happier.” he states.
For the next thirty minutes Gregg outlined for me methods for dealing with life and “haters” as he put it in an effective way that did not include the method I was thinking was my only avenue. He explained to me that he recommended I try these methods first, but his reasoning behind it choked me up. “Sonya, I am sure there are many people in your spiritual community that are going through some of the same stuff you are going through; and they are looking to you to see how to deal with it. You do not only teach people through classes and counseling, or by trying to live your life ethically. You teach people how to survive and manage and deal with difficult stuff by getting through it yourself.” “But, Gregg, I don’t know how to do this yet (I whined) but I will take your advice and try” I said. “Then pray, ask for wisdom, ask for guidance, people are called to be clergy…it’s not easy but remember what got you there in the first place…your faith.” he reminded me and I smiled and almost cried at the same time.
I knew that my friend was right, that from first grade to graduating high school I had always had “haters” as he called them and when I had tried to step back and not achieve as much it had not made me more popular. I knew that when I went to college I had people accuse me of plagiarism and start all kinds of rumors about me and that I had to stick really close to professors and counselors to navigate through that rough phase of my life…but it did not stop me from writing and still winning money to go to college (though it almost did). When I went to the workplace, I would have people that “did not like me”, when I went to Beauty school years later the same, when I did runway models hair other stylists would “criticize or tear down my work”. So what? I went on. My ex-husbands I am particularly sure “do not like me” that is why we got divorced in the first place (though it should be stated I highly encourage people to get two divorces like I did before the age of 23). You see I was saying "I don't know how to do this!" (getting upset and angry at my Gods) and they were saying, "Girl, look at your life! Look at all that mess you have navigated through, you KNOW how to do this, just do it."
I am not young, and I am not old, I am in the valley of life looking at the mountains ahead of me and taking pride in the fact I have already scaled the mountains behind me and survived them.
“Be the example to the Clergy with you and the people coming up of how to deal with things like this. You are in the firing line; the Gods put you there because you can take it (though you do not think you can). Learn, grow, and fly, make it easier for others. But, if you do not want to take that hard route I can very quickly and easily walk you through how to fill out the paperwork to do a ‘slander and harassment of character lawsuit’ and let you ‘sue that person for damages’ it would only take about a day and cost you nothing since you can prove they have ill intent and are “damaging your character” the judge would favor in your side and I will be there for you.” Gregg quickly spouted out falling out of the spirit mode and back into Gregg the bad-ass lawyer man I had known for about ten or more years.
“I will pray for wisdom and guidance. I might fall down, but it will not be because I am failing it is because I am learning how to ride this bike. I will do this first and learn how to manage it because you are right it is a good learning lesson for me and for others. I will trust that the Gods chose me for a reason and though I do not understand why; I am in the firing line…that I can take it. But Gregg, if all of this does not work I can still come back and file right?” He laughs, and I know the answer is yes. “There you go, I knew the woman I knew would not give up or let this get her down you just needed an outsider not in the situation to see it for what it is and who knows how you are to guide you to your next step.” He said. We chitchatted some more, got caught up then we hung up.
“Isis and Thoth I have no idea why I could not hear you speaking to me and giving me advice, but I heard you through Gregg, I apologize…and Jesus you know that guy Gregg that a lot of people are “hating on” because he is a lawyer and a liberal Christian with Conservative political values who supports his friend the Pagan Priestess? Yeah, that guy! That man is a good man, Jesus, I want to thank you for loving him and putting him in my life. I am sorry if sometimes I forget that you too, are the same spirit and that you love me also.” I say.
Last night, as is my practice, I lit candles and thanked my deities. I also sent up a prayer for Gregg because he asked me too, and because he believes that “no matter who the prayer comes from and goes too it is all the same and he can use all the prayer he can get.” Me too! Yesterday, a Christian saved me from losing my faith he buoyed my spirit when I needed it, he instructed me and taught me methods on how to deal with my conflict issue, he reminded me how important I was to the Gods and that I was doing good work, and he did it all with compassion and laughter. I know he is always there for me….in short Gregg reminded me on what I am aiming to become as Clergy, of what I am aiming for as a Spirit-filled human being. It is friends like Gregg that make the world a better place.
So just for today, remind yourself it “ain’t all bad”, “focus on what you are doing that is good” and never ever give up because you are always going to have a few “haters” you SPIRIT FILLED being you.
Thank you for the gift or your time!