Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I'm going to learn you a lesson....

There is a major hurdle that Witches, Wiccans, Pagans, have to “jump” unlike other faiths at some point in their existence; that of sharing what they believe with friends and family.  I would venture to say that sharing it with your friends or acquaintances is so much easier than with your family…but I am not walking in your “moccasins “ so how can I say?  I can however, tell you how it was and is for me; and that is the real meat of a blog…the person writing it is sharing their life with people they know, people they do not know, people they will see face to face, and people they will never meet face to face.  It is the beauty of the Internet.

A lot of Pagans will never “come out of the broom closet” completely for fear of losing their job, for fear of their family knowing, sometimes even the partners they share their lives with do not know (I recently just saw a you tube video where a woman claimed her partner did not know this about her and they had been together over ten years; wonder what will happen when they see the you tube video?) However, when you decide to found an open to the public, legal Wiccan Church you have to know that people are going to find out what you believe; and if you are Clergy it is inevitable. 

You might ask yourself, if you are not of our faith…why is this such a big deal?  Well, even for people who become Clergy I have seen them stumped over how to explain this to their family, or co-workers.  They seem to want to “ease” people into it, or hint at it (yes they wear pagan jewelry but nothing too obvious) or they express openly their “liberal viewpoints” but no matter how old you are, or who you are; “coming out” is an issue we all have to decided upon at one time or another.

My parents are Southern Baptist.  My brothers are Christians of different denominations; at some point all of them figured out I believed differently than them and that I was a Pagan but for some reason they thought it was a “phase” or “something I would outgrow”.  My beliefs were treated like they did not exist, never talked about or discussed…once a year I was told I was being prayed for or that they worried for my soul.  So, when it came to opening the church; I consciously decided not to tell them.  Yes, I told myself I was “protecting” my family and myself from the debris that would fly from this…but the reality is I did not want to have to “explain or defend” myself; and I realized that the full implications of me opening this church could mean that they would “banish” me from the family, and write me out of the will.  So, I did not say a word it was my secret.  When you keep secrets people tend to think there is something about you that is worse than it really is…..

Eventually, due to other people sharing it with my parents and my very “vocal” blog and social networking skills( ha ha) my parents did find out.  Yes, they were upset…they cried, they yelled, they ranted, they raved, and now it is still not discussed.  I know my parents and brothers will not come to my home because this is where the “pagans” gather and I have an altar in my backyard.  I know they would die if all of their relatives knew the truth about me, and yet I still chose this path anyway.  Depending on what type of person you are…you might be asking, WHAT if anything was I thinking?  Why would I choose a spiritual path that would cause discord in my family, and possibly threaten my livelihood and life here in the south?

I was thinking, I had to do it…I felt called, I was following my bliss…and when I looked up, twenty years had flown by.  Yeah, twenty years (the age of my oldest child) and when you have spent at least that many years diligently practicing and walking a path you are not going to all of the sudden abandon it…you are going to stay true to it.  I was thinking that maybe if “I came out” that it would make it easier for others to do the same.  I was thinking that if I stopped having secrets that my whole life could sing a beautiful song that was about TRUTH, because I am doing nothing wrong…and I do not have to defend my spiritual beliefs.

This weekend when I was with my parents and brothers and sister in laws and cousins at my family reunion I heard them all openly intermingle and sprinkle their “Christian” beliefs with their sentences and conversations all the time.  I found myself envious that they are allowed to do this, and that if I did the same in their presence it would be as if the world stopped and a record was scratched. 

A few weeks ago there was a “Mothers of Faith” blog contest on a popular site called Circle of Moms out of the top 15 sites chosen more than half were Pagan, and the number one site chosen was Pagan…my old blog (the Teflon Cauldron) snagged eleven!  Did you know I had no one in my family I could call and share my giddiness with?  Yes, I was excited in less than one year, a blog I had helped create and wrote on placed 11 in the nation for faith blogs…and I was openly PAGAN!  Some of the Christian mom bloggers who lost or placed second or below got angry and let everyone know how the “witches and wiccans and pagans” obviously rigged the thing, or spelled it so they could win…they never took the time to think about how much gumption it took for those Pagan mothers to post that blog in the first place; or one step further…to enter that contest.

Being Pagan in the South and in America, takes guts…not rebellion, but if you walk that path and it is your religion (which is what a religion is walking your ethics) it takes courage.  You better be a warrior, because people seem to think we have “no feelings, no rights, and are not human”.  I am raising my children to know that whatever it is they believe, it is “okay” and I am encouraging them to share it with me and my husband…in my home we are breaking the cycle of secrecy, lying, deceit, and shame.  There will be no “fear” to keep them in line used, no hovering of “I will write you out of the will or keep your siblings away from you”. 

I encourage you, if you are Pagan to pat yourself on the back today.  You are brave; in a world that says it encourages diversity…you have really chosen a separate path.  If you are “open and out” Pagan then I applaud you, and you should right now applaud yourself…there at the office, in your car, in the mirror, wherever  you are APPLAUD yourself!   For in the words of Lucius Seneca “Sometimes even to LIVE is an act of courage”

Thank you for the gift of your time…………


  1. I applaud you my lady. Hold that head high and live the life you need to live for yourself! :o)

  2. *teary eyed* WOW!!!

  3. We just met on FB and I fell in love with Southern Fried Pagan before I read the blog. I know what my SBC neighbors, some rednecks, some not must think of me. I'm an Openly Pagan/Witch/Healer /Empath. They might never be there for me, but I will always be there for them ."¡Que sera, sera!" :) Kay

  4. Beautiful! Pat yourself on the back while you are at it. ;)

  5. I can totally relate Sonya,As you are aware my new book,A Road Less Traveled deals with Christo-Paganism.Which is a blend of the two.I am really wishing some of the more fundamentalist Christian folk will run across this book and give it a read.You could also call a christo-pagan a Gnostic I suppose.As an Eclectic I still hold many of my Christian beliefs,only the way I hold them is with a non-judgmental heart and mind to others,guess you could actually call me Unitarian Universal I believe all paths are the same,in essence.I am not ashamed of my beliefs,I am very open when I did come out I had the same obstacles.My older boy now almost 16 attends church every wed,at a Methodist with our neighbor.He asks questions to me,and is coming to be comfortable.Fear of the unknown is tricky to ppl. You have to realize society and some churches have set the wrong idea on what our path is and what it isn't.Not to be long-winded here.I have been to every denomination in the Christian church before I met some open-armed pagan folk on witchvox and decided to make it official outside of myself,almost 12 years ago.As a solitary I craved community.Heck before I got into community I taught sun school at Assembly Of God-If anyone knows how to blend.dear I do..lolWe have to make a name for ourself,in the way we present ourselves to others,soon I hope all will come together this is the only way peace will start.Some call it miracles we call it magick :)

  6. Thank you all for your insights, comments, and time...and I hope you all have at LEAST patted yourself on the back.

  7. Love the new blog and I love your new voice Sonya, ya know most days since I'l looking for a job they don't give a slop of chop what way you follow as long as you get the job done. Most people these days are cool and some are not...but I think it's the community that makes that can make a person wether it's sexuality or religion feel liberated to come right out

  8. On my own Path, like everyone else, I'm not quite sure where each Turn will take me. I recently got married, to someone I once knew in highschool, but parted company with. Had we gotten married back then, things might've turned out very differently for us, and we might've become alienated toward one another. But now, older and wiser, we are both intent on making a serious go at it.

    Anyway, she's Catholic, while I'm just a lowly Pagan. But y'know what? She fully accepts my faith as a part of me, and is quite comfortable with me. As an added bonus, her niece has been trying to learn the the Path of Paganism, and when we met, we both knew that we were of kindred spirits. As she's been having difficulties, as well as some difficulty learning, I've been helping out a bit.